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Twist of fate. I wrote a post awhile back (FB aka SNWMD (social networking weapon of mass destruction) about what a FBUW I am and this lovely redhead who got irate because I posted, “hey, what’s up?” on her boyfriend’s FB page. As ridiculous as that response was, I respected it and opted not to post on my friend’s (her boyfriend) page again.
Shortly after that time, I went to the beach with this couple and we had a really nice day. I was a little leery of Red and her possible insane jealous side, but I was really grateful to get the chance to know her a little. After all, I’ve been friends with her guy for a super long time and I’d prefer we just get along. Nothing too friendly occurred, but hey, it was a step in a positive direction.
I respected her “jealousy” and ceased posting anything at all on her man’s page. I even friended her on FB in a show of complete truce-making spirit. It’s been almost a year since the FB comment which set her off and I felt things were at a more even keel when I finally again posted something light hearted and innocent on my FB page regarding her boyfriend. I hadn’t seen him in a while and he just recently returned from a trip abroad when I ran into him, literally in passing, and we shared a brief exchange.
I was walking out the door of my local Cheers-type pub. He was just coming in and I said, Hey L…now that you’ve travelled the world, you probably don’t think I’m the wittiest girl you know anymore huh? I say this as I give him a hug and continue on to the parking lot. He quips back to me, Ahhhhh….don’t fret, Kay, you’re still definitely in my top three wittiest people ever!”
I squeal with delight as I jump in my car, I’m still in! I’m still in!
It’s playful. It’s fun. It’s very brief and even more innocent. And that is that.
So feeling confident that Red no longer sees me as the threat she did a year ago, I boast on FB about this little compliment, tagging L in said post. “After flitting about the world a bit, my dear friend L still says I’m still in the top three wittiest people. Oh how I heart a person who can appreciate my wit!”
I don’t see anything wrong with this post and I actually feel confident Red will click “like” on it and/or make a witty comment about it. She’s pretty witty herself from what I can tell…beyond the jealousy bit.
What I don’t expect was an outright vicious attack on me right there, in FB public!! All random and psycho like for the FB world to see, i.e., my friends, family, co-workers, etc, etc. Geesh, do I underestimate the insanity of Red-Hot jealousy or what?! Yeah, I do. Ummm…..M is for MORTIFIED!
Red calls me narcissistic and vain and brings up how she feels I exercise no boundaries because I applied sunscreen to her boyfriend’s back that day at the beach!
WHAT? Is this for freakin’ real? I’m taken aback, flustered, mortified, and enraged all at once. Are you kiddin’ me? I didn’t post anything out of line or inappropriate. I didn’t say, Dear friends, family, and random co-workers, my friend L thinks I’m the hottest chick in the universe, or the most desirable, or the greatest, or the sexiest kitten ever. Nope. Just that I’m witty damnit. Yeah, just witty. And hell, not even the wittiest of them all, but just still in the top three. WTF?!
So Red and I have an (OMG!) little drama fest on FB, posting back and forth about this craziness. I should have merely deleted my post, I know…. Yet, I just felt after her wordy, scathing attack, to delete it was somehow to concede to the truth of her words. Thus, I did not take the high road and I simply continued to defend my innocent and light-hearted, non-malicious and non-threatening post.
As this embarrassingly continued, I did realize on several occasions, trying to win an argument with a paranoid psycho-crazy jealous chick was not a sane battle at all. After all, I had reason and sanity on my side. Whereas she, had paranoia and imagination on hers. Not a good battle to participate in. It’s much like taking a knife to a gun slinging show down. Ya just don’t have all the right ammunition for this particular battle.
Finally, a mutual friend intervenes and reminds us how truly ridiculous this all is and we quiet down. In addition, Red posts about all kinds of challenges she’s faced while dating my very well liked, sociable, and VERY friendly friend. And I really feel bad. REALLY bad! I had no idea that so many women had swarmed my buddy while he dated her. And suddenly I felt compassion for her craziness and pondered the possibility that, like me at another point in my dating life, she had suffered enough insecurity and challenge in this relationship to possibly bring her to the brink of sanity. Hell, I’ve been there, crossed into that world of sheer freakin’ madness, and finally returned, albeit forever altered as a human being, carrying the mental and emotional scars that kind of relationship can create, if we allow them.
And I feel for her situation, her madness, and even her insane level of jealousy. I see my post from another angle and although I still see it as completely faultless and truly innocent, I suddenly can understand how a mind already damaged from jealousy might see it and overreact.
Finally, L himself responds to this thread. He comes to my defense about the sunscreen application, but in so doing, he inadvertently shows it as an intentional maneuver on his part. It seems Red had applied sunscreen to a friend of his one day when I wasn’t there and L was a bit jealous, so he asked me to apply it to him in front of Red. I’m sure in an attempt to provoke the jealousy he already knew she had for my relationship with him. Ughhh! I’m a pawn in the chess game of their dysfunctional relationship! And I feel used and dirty!
…And I feel even worse for Red, as this mean trick shows itself fully in the naked light of L’s inadvertent confession. Poor Red. No wonder she’s freakin crazy!! He’s trying to make her that way!! That rat bastard friend of mine! As much as I love my friend (and I truly do), being a woman…being a woman who has been on the other end of these maddening games…a woman who always tried to rise above jealousy and jealousy games… I ultimately have to pick the side of the female on this one. Every time. Yeah, I have to have the chick’s back on this and call bullshit shenanigans. Way too many passive aggressive men have instigated this garbage only to calmly sit back and laugh with friends about “some psycho chick”. Fuck that! No. I want NO part of that crap. And I’ll not take being used like that kindly. Oh HELL no!
I went to bat for Red in a conversation with L and told him in no uncertain terms that I did not approve or appreciate being put into that kind of passive aggressive meanness. We women have it tough enough being in competition with the world for so many things: Men, jobs, dating, looks, money, security, weight; God, it’s hard enough to be female in this damned world. I will not go against a woman in the “make her look like a psycho crazy chick to feed my dull minded limp male ego” game! NUHHHH UHHHHH!
So I had drinks and conversation with L Friday night. Told him I loved him to pieces but did not appreciate that garbage. And then I had a three hour heart-to-heart with Red Saturday morning. I like her. I feel badly that I was ever put in that position, as I’m the least threat to her ever and that kind of jealousy toward my friends-only friendship with L was just unwarranted and a mean, mean trick.
Strangely enough, I’ve heard from a few people that Red actually is a “whack job” (yes, that’s a quote). And I’m a diehard for the underdog about these things because I still have to give her the benefit of the doubt until she shows her whacked self to me in a situation where I don’t happen to find out it was instigated by another’s sly maneuvers of insecurity. I also realize these things usually come around to bite me in the ass in a very nasty way, but for the freakin’ jack ass guy who played similar shit-shenanigans on me a few years back, I just hope at least one person he bragged about me being his psycho stalker (or whatever the hell lying ass phrase he used) might have stopped just for a moment to question before stitching that unfair and untrue label on me: yeah, that looked kind of crazy, but what in the hell happened just before she responded that way?! Damnnnn, that dude must have really fucked with that chick’s head….
Right. So probably not. It’s doubtful many people stop to ponder that far into things which have little to do with them. They’re most likely just excited to seize a terrific piece of juicy gossip to make themselves feel superior about their own little miserable worlds. So, evven though I can’t possibly know if these things ever do really come full circle into karmic justice, but hell, I have to do what I can to see that they do……..for all the “psycho stalker chicks” out there in the world!
Now, I just have to come up with the secret handshake for our club. …Or maybe we can all just get machetes tatooed on our chest.