Tag Archives: Vodka

Proof that Stumblers CAN text

Follow up on Mr. (sorta)Favorite…this texting sessions begins with his sweet check on me after our date and continues through all texting since, a period of 24 hours post-meeting:

Mr. F.:  did u make it home ok?

K:I did…was just pulling n garage when ur text came in..hadda pee..red bull makes me hafta pee!!  I think ima little tipsy…hehe:)  (totally TMI..seriously after watching me stumble around like LL on St. Pat’s Day (thx Miki for that one btw!!) did I really somehow think  he was interested on the effects Red bull has on my bladder??!?) 

Mr F.: well good thing u didn’t get pulled over then tipsy one

K: Sooooo good:):)  …glad ur home safely too!

K (sent next day):    Thx for meeting me last night…nothing was wrong w/my shoe btw…I think it was just clumsiness from takin allergy meds and then drinkin…gosh!

Mr. F: Really????  So it was the same leg/foot each time?

K: yup I really thought my shoe was torn or something..but nope..was just me…just that leg/foot..WEIRD…I’m not usually THAT clumsy…geesh..hehe…

Mr F:  Riiiiiiiiiiight…

K: LOL…I’m clumsy sometimes yup…but THAT clumsy?? Nahhh…not even *I* am THAT clumsy usually..or maybe..?  hmmm…. ??J

Awwww…he really is such a sweet guy and a great catch!!  I hope some precious, sweet girl who knows how to walk and act right, snatches him up soon into blissfully mutual happiness…  He’s just a true gem!

If I were him under these circumstances, no matter what he texted me, I would respond with “So have you learned to walk yet?” 

-Hey, what’s up today?

-So, have you learned to walk yet?

-how was your weekend?

-have u learned to walk yet?

-I’m fixing fajitas for dinner

-really?  U r amazing! …So have u learned to walk yet?

Stumbled across Mr. Favorite…

I did it!  I FINALLY met Mr. Favorite in person!!!!!  He lives a ways away from me, so we met last night half way at a cute casino called Red Rock, in their restaurant/lounge.  It’s the farthest away from home I’ve been on my own since moving here.

I was late…okay, punctuality is just not my forte…(perhaps I should claim that shortcoming of mine on my page and let the chips fall where they may?)  I know all the theory behind these less-than-timely types like me… yet,  I really just can’t buy into them when it comes to my particular affliction with this.  I am not selfish or self-centered (oh-so-far from it actually!), as in the world revolves around me – my time is more important than yours thinking.  No, that’s not it.  And it does not have anything to do with how much I like the person I have an appointment, date, whatever with or how much I do or don’t respect him or her.  In fact, this time-malady of mine almost leans toward getting worse the more I do like or respect a person.  So, I feel confident that’s not the issue.

(OVERLY DRAMATIC DISCLAIMER):  I was always this way…always.  I was born two months premature and I’ve never been on time since.  I think it’s a handicap of sorts really and it should be recognized as such to give those of us who suffer from this our due respect…  Instead of criticizing us, yelling at us, or accusing us of being self-centered egotistical types.  I just seem to have been born missing a full comprehension of time.  There’s a gap or mutated chromosome I believe in my brain’s concept of the time-space continuum.  It sucks.  I know.  As I get older, it’s more and more a source of anxiety for me.  I don’t want to be that girl!  Here’s an example:  When I started my last job six years ago, I was so paranoid and anxious about being late that I arrived at the office nearly a full hour early every day for the first six months straight, merely to counter-act any possibility that I might be late, I had to be this early.  Finally one morning, my boss asked me why I was so early every day and I told her straight up about my “punctuality issues and fears”.  She laughed at me and said they were a pretty flexible office and not to sweat it if I was a few minutes or so late on any given day.  Now I can’t try to claim that I was on time every day after she hit me with this wonderfully relieving piece of info, but I was sometimes

Anyway, Mr. Favorite…hmmmm….well, I did like him okay.  I’m a few minutes late and I called him to let him know.  He was pretty cool about it.  He looked just like his photos.  He was polite and seemed intelligent. You know what?   Let me just come out and say this as delicately as I can…

I fucked up the whole thing!!  …from start to finish, I was quite possibly the worst date in the history of dating.

 I was late.  I had taken an anxiety pill prior to driving because driving on the highways in this city scares me…and I’m too ashamed to admit that ridiculous fear I’ve formed to anyone.  I only took a tiny bit of one, but it did the trick. I was laid back, cool as a cucumber through this date. 

It started when I found his booth, saw that it was one of those gargantuous  booths, so I sat next to him instead of across from him.  He slid over and I got the sense that he was almost “backing away” from me in fear…I’m sure that’s not what it was…but something felt strange the way he moved away when I sat down, like a scared kitten hunkering down away from the big bad wolf or something…  Gosh, am i really that scary?!  I did ask  him aout his body language (curiosity was overwhelming me) and he admitted that he doesn’t get close to people easily…..ummm….okay…?

I didn’t want to eat and I got the distinct sense that he was hungry but too polite to eat without me or in front of me.  After two beers (which I shouldn’t have had while on an anxiety med), some good get-to-know-you conversation and declining food, he suggested we walk around the casino.  We walked to another little lounge that  had the cutest sitting area and tables made of marble-ish-like rocks which were lit up from the inside.  It was so cute!  He was saying he was tired so I suggested we have a Red Bull and vodka here.  He declined to drink anymore out of a respect for maintaining the ability to drive home safely (he’d had one more drink than I while waiting for Her Tardiness) and he didn’t want just a Red Bull either, claiming he’d be “up all night”.  So, I had one, spilled my purse as I was sitting down and my cigarettes (the ones I’m trying so hard NOT to smoke!) fell out of their pack and spilled everywhere…he collected these for me…bless his heart.

...gotta get this T-shirt to warn people...

Then I suddenly wanted a cigarette sooooo badly with my Red Bull and Raspberry vodka…and so I did indulge in such…ughh… (so very UNattractive!).  Had to go to the ladies room (thank you Red Bull for invigorating my bladder like you do!) and stumbled several times.  It was one of those things were you trip/stumble over nothing.  Nothing’s there, so it can’t be blamed on anything except drinking or clumsiness, which I’m at this point quite guilty of both.  So I stumble literally to the ladies room with him watching my smooth walking finesse and extraordinarily graceful abilities.  Get back, finish the drink I did not need, while he drank nothing, and then he’s going to walk me to my car….I stumble (WTF?!) like FIVE times while we do this!  No really, WTF was my problem??!!??  My brain didn’t feel this intoxicated!  So I can only imagine it was the combination of anxiety meds and three drinks… NOT a good one for me obviously. Are you kiddin me??  What in the HELL was wrong with my FEET??!!  There was NOTHING there for me to KEEP tripping on…  NOTHING….GEESH!!  I truly was not as drunk as I’m certain I appeared….no seriously, I almost wish I had this as an excuse even….Nope.  I have no clue what on earth was wrong with me…

He asked if I was okay….I was just embarrassed and truly, in my brain, I felt fine…clear as a bell even…  I guess it was just a massive and sudden attack of total clumsiness to the point that I just had no explanation and desperately just wanted to get in my car where I didn’t have to work so hard to get my damned feet to do their job in some semblance of freaking coordination—the same damned job they do EVERY day, usually without a hitchI could tell he was a little concerned and he made me promise to text the minute I got home.

He texted me as I was pulling in my garage 20 minutes later or so, asking if I’d made it home ok.  I texted back that I did.

Whoaaa…what an absolute effing train wreck of a hot mess I was!!  Poor guy is probably scarred for life at this clumsy-ass debacle I demonstrated last night!  GAWWWDDD…how just utterly embarrassing!  I’m quite certain I won’t be hearing from Mr. Favorite ever again…..



Swimming without trunks

He sends me a clever little ice breaker message about a fun local band. We send a few emails back and forth, then a few texts, then a couple of phone calls. A few little warning flags went up during our first phone conversation, as in tiny little fluttering parade-sized flags, barely flapping in the wind. Not entirely sure if they appear tiny because the parade is so far away from me at this point or if they actually are those little “not to worry” club sandwich sized flags? At the least, he seems harmless and at the most, he seems interesting enough to get to know better…
First date set. I’m mildly intrigued about the guy and very interested in getting out and about for my first time since moving to Vegas!
I meet him at a nearby casino on Saturday night. He was right: the band/show really is a blast! He seems pretty cool too…having a nice time overall. I’m a little reserved and quiet though. Nervous? Maybe a tad, but not really..more like I just need a few Red Bulls and vodka to muster up the energy to actually get “into” this date. I’ve always been of the 3-drinks-and-everyone -is –my-new-best-friend variety, so I make friends with this couple standing (room-only) near our table, dancing around like my could-be newest and most fun Vegas friends. I invite them to sit with us…the more the merrier!
My new BFF, April, asks how we met…. We tell her “online” and this is our first date. Although I expect some gasping and shocked looks, thankfully, no one expresses any kind of surprise at all. On ladies room joint visit #3 or 4, April even decides to open up to me and tells me a little of her own online-dating experiences. No, she didn’t meet her husband like that, but she did meet a couple of interesting characters online.
She tells me about one guy from online she dated a few times with whom she had become physically intimate. Apparently dude has a sexual fetish of only wanting to “finish” on her face. Nope, wasn’t a one-time thing it seems. Not an “oh my God I’m so turned on by you, I wanna get KINKY!” thing…nope! Seems the guy was not at all interested in any sort of sexual intercourse or fun shenanigans…not even prior to his finish. He just wanted to run the race all on his own, get to the finish line… and finish on her face. Hmmmm…. I’m not sure what to think of this so I just show what I think amounts to the appropriate looks and sounds of shock and disgust (not that I had to really fake this), coupled of course with some pertinent questions about the experience. I gotta know more… I mean, I’ve never even thought of this possibility! What are the warning signs of this? How can I see this guy coming from a mile away please?
On a scale of 1-10, my enjoyment level of my date up to this point was hovering somewhere between a 4 and 6. However, I return to my date from bathroom trip #3 or 4 with a deep appreciation(unbeknownst to him) of his newly elevated status of at least he’s not the finish on your face guy.

We wrap up the date nicely, dancing with my new BFF and her husband. I’ve had a few drinks and I’m grateful when he offers to drive me home. We arrive to my house and decide to go swimming. No, he doesn’t have his trunks, but no worries… I’m okay with him swimming in his boxers. We swim awhile, make out a little in the pool. Now this to me starts to feel a little like one of those highly overrated soft-porn scenes from a rated-R movie that brings adolescent boys back to see the same movie again and again, but I’m going with it… Hell, at least he’s not you-know-who

After some amateur movie acting, a few more drinks, and some questionably better-than-the-book-I’m-reading conversation, I allow him to stay the night. Not for sexual reasons obviously…
All goes safely and he’s a gentleman for the most part. He even mentions needing to brush his teeth first thing in the morning. Hooray for good dental hygiene!! Bonus points because he quickly tells me he does not intend on asking to use my toothbrush, but has those handy little quick-brush-on-your-fingertip thingies. Okay. Good… Thank God! Although we did swap spit the previous evening, I’m certainly not at all prepared to share my toothbrush with him.
However in the morning, in spite of his admirable respect of oral hygiene and his Boy Scout preparedness, I kinda just want to be alone and quietly enjoy my morning and the down-side is these very things have rendered him able to enact in his next starring role as…The Lingerer….
Or have they? Seriously, pal? Thanks for the evening. I rate it an overall 5. So you’re not doing too terribly bad to this point. Now, when are you gonna go home? Your rating is dropping by the minute here…