Zep: cool snowboarder/surfer dude, exactly my age who shares a love of Led Zeppelin and classic rock in general with me… fun, cool conversations…appears attractive in his photos, has a child and seems to understand and share my priorities as well… Good stuff! We are meeting tomorrow for some drinks and Zeppelin. I’m actually a bit excited to see what he’s like in person!
HD dudes: hmm…..? I am emailing/texting with two HD motorcycle guys. (HD1 and HD2?) Both seem pretty cool. I get borderline vibes from one and semi-borderline vibes from the other, but quite honestly, I have to re-check their profiles out to remember which is which, as they are fairly similar and I’ve no plans to meet either yet. Although the one that seems “better” (for whatever reason?!) has invited me several times on a ride. I very much want to go soon, but haven’t been able to squeeze that in just yet.
Two (or three?) OMGWTF moments:
M started texting me Friday night as I was leaving with kids for a festival. Yada, yada, yada….another lengthy and frequently misunderstood communiqué with M via text (sighhhhhhh…) These are truly getting so redundant and lengthy that I don’t even want to bore anyone by posting them anymore.
Summary: M says he’s back home and having drinks at the pub and hopes I have a nice weekend. I say good for you; wish I could join you. He says I don’t wish I could because he is too “busy and defensive”…
(GAWD that makes me mad! Don’t isolate something and act like it stands in a vacuum void of everything else I took the time and patience to text and/or email! It makes me feel like I’m wasting every moment even bothering to try to “discuss” something with him…ughh!)
I reassure him I do wish that because I like him and that I feel confident he knows I do as well, so I’m not going to explain it all again in a freakin’ text. OMG…
He explains how all this travelling isn’t his “usual” schedule and how his daughter needs him a lot right now and he does need someone who understands that.
Umm…okay…I understand that. To a point…. And then, I merely understand that while I might be able and willing to deal well with those things, when we add the defense mechanisms and “proving” his whereabouts, and not having much time with him (for whatever the reason is), it’s just too much for me and doesn’t balance out in the big picture.
But dammit… I like him. Geesh… Wtf?!
So…since my car was left in his neck of the woods, I suggested we not have another text (OMG….I can’t/won’t do it anymore…ughh) session and instead I stop over to actually discuss all that can’t be conveyed via a freakin text-servation…. So, I did… and I stayed. And we laughed and talked and just hung out innocently. I told him about my Hoover Dam date and the sleeping pills. He was whiney that I’m dating other people while he gives me his every spare moment and hasn’t once seen anyone else since he started seeing me. Yeah, shut the front door, I said…I do not want to hear it! Blah, blah, blah…
And dammit, I like him. It’s not some hot and heavy passionate thing either, I just like being around him. I’m almost wishing it was some crazy wild sexual attraction thing…I could understand and deal with that. In fact, no sex at all has happened in a while….that part is just not really all that intriguing to me(and has created a whole separate phenomenon which I’ll share in another post someday). Overall, although I like being around him a lot, I’m just not all that interested in the sexual aspect and M’s flirty and suggestive about sex, but doesn’t push it at all either; which I like about being with him too. This, this whatever-the-hell-this-is, I just freakin do not know wtf is going on?!
And then I left in the morning with him saying let’s go to a movie this afternoon. (I said maybe but then later remembered I couldn’t…) I smile for a while and feel pretty good about the M thing…whatever it is, it does make me smile sometimes!
And after being home and away from him for a few hours of being away, I have only two chronic and troublesome thoughts: 1. DAYUMM, my ex boyfriends’ new “girlfriend” is one lucky chick… And I kinda want to hate her for that… but I just can’t… sighhhhh…
And 2. WTF is M ‘s freakin deal anyway? More importantly, does it even matter what I decide to do? It just sort of seems to have a whole life of its own anyway. Perhaps instead of making any choices, judgments, or decisions at all, I’m just better off to flow with the current, whatever that current is, whenever it flows…? Hmmm…..
Ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy GAWWWDDD, as I was just finishing up typing this post (yesterday afternoon), M texted me some garbage about how he doesn’t know what he wants, but he doesn’t want a relationship right now or to waste my time and he hopes we can be friends!
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG ….is this shit for REAL??? Well, the friends thing has clearly been decided because now this has become a game of epic proportion! I was shocked and befuddled..WTF??!! So I text back, ummmm…wow..this is the craziest, most childish game I’ve ever dealt with, I wonder if he has some bi-polar issues and I don’t bother with having “friends” who just flip my head around seemingly for the fun of it alone; there’s really no room for game playing in my friend-arena, I do not know WTF he is talking about, and I wish him the best, as this now is just too fucked up across the board.
Here is where it gets truly EPIC: M texts back that he’s offended by this. (Reiterates yet AGAIN that) he hasn’t been seeing anyone else since he met me, and that he just didn’t want to waste my time, but is sincerely offering me his friendship………
Umm….I really, REALLY hesitate to ever call anyone “crazy”. Anyone who reads my blog knows my feelings about that overly used and mistaken label. BUT, I really am starting to think it applies here!! M is one crazy fucker!
Seriously pal, REALLY? YOU’RE fucking offended? You pull all this random weird nonsensical crap and YOU’RE fucking offended?????? Umm, I learned that tactic in Psych 101 my freshman year of college pal. Yeah, you’re offended… So, I say, I’m not the one playing stupid games, you’ve no right to be offended in the slightest (you freak..no I didn’t actually call him that but I certainly implied it). I say I don’t know why he keeps telling me he’s not seeing anyone else when I keep telling him that I AM dating other people. In fact, I have a date for Sunday even…..but what does that have to do with anything? WTF are you even talking about here pal? You’re making zero sense and I’m to the point of not making any more excuses for his sporadic and strange behavioral whims anymore. It’s. Just. Fucked. Up. And sadly, way too fucked up to carry on as friends now (which for GAWD’S sake is pretty much what we were doing anyway in my opinion…mostly).
I mean NO KIDDING – WTF IS THIS SHIT ANYWAY? (No I didn’t text that either, but you know, pretty much in so many words). M actually texts me back “not to text him ever again”.
ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDIN’ ME??! HE IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP… And I’m so irritated at him by this crazy-ass point, that I text back ANYWAY (merely because he told me not to..and anyway at this point, I truly could just care less wtf this man wants, needs, or thinks about me or anything at all..hehe). I text, “No problem. Your game.Your rules. You win.”
But (forcing myself back to the important stuff here), I get to have drinks and Zeppelin with a new guy today! Let’s just hope he’s even half as cool as he seems! Hell, after this ridiculous effed-up M-crap, as long as he doesn’t suffer from bi-polar schizophrenic disorder, there’s no way he can’t at least be a refreshing change from this amazingly disturbing, fucked-up garbage with M!