Tag Archives: rejection

EUREKA?!

Haven’t been on any dates lately, so I’ve not much on that to update….  Have had several lovely offers, but just not feeling it really…

However, I made an interesting discovery today which is both perplexing and somewhat comical to me…we all know how strange my sense of humor is though…hehe 🙂

ahhh geesh...did my kids throw their garbage on the ground?

Cleaning outside around our pool area this morning, I came across this tiny little shiny gold thing…really shiny…like..well, like sparkly gold!  No one has been out there hanging out in weeks so I’m curious of course.  I pick it up…..  Couldn’t really figure out what it was at first….I’m thinking, a candy wrapper from the kids or something…?

No.  that’s not it.  It has a tiny section of writing on it…but I can only make out one full letter…umm….it’s an“M” in black….umm…????  WHAT???  I’m pretty sure it’s…it’s…noooooooo…it’s not possible….ummm…it’s…nooooooo…

WTF??

And I’m aghast!  Truly, ummm….this isn’t possible.  There’s no way….I must be mistaken, after all it has been awhile…

It’s a small corner section of a condom wrapper!!  WTF??!  That can’t be!  No one’s been out there “getting busy” since I moved here three months ago.  And I mean no one!  In addition, it can’t have been out there for very long (before we moved in?) either because I’m out there by myself at least once a day for a few moments and I’m certain I’d have noticed something so shiny and bright that it looked like jewelry if it had been there for any length of time…

Could it have blown from a neighbors’ garbage out on the street…over and above the cement walls dividing our back yards….  Ummm….that seems highly unlikely, bordering on impossible.  So…what in the hell is this…?

You have GOT to be kiddin me...

Umm….seriously, WTF?  So of course I ponder further…. Hmmmmm…. Other than swimming with the Lingerer (months ago), no man has even been out there at all….and NO man since I moved here has been out there in a situation to need a condom!

Wait…

Mr. Nurse was out there checking on how to get my hot tub going since I haven’t used it yet…umm…..  But…I wasn’t even out there with him.  We weren’t making-out out there at all…Ummm……….

OMGOMGOMG!!!! Is it possible that Nurse-man was so certain he was going to get “lucky” that he put on a condom in advance?????

That’s a disturbing thought…truly…extremely disturbing!  However, it does explain my weird “feelings” when Nurse-guy was here….OMG!!!

Ughhh…you have got to be kidding me!!!  And don’t you even think that the irony of the “M” is at all lost on me…hahahahahah…life really does have quite the sense of humor, doesn’t it?

Heavy footprints of love and hate

Always one or the other!

It’s love or hate for me…nothing in the middle it seems…

 Having way too much “alone time” this weekend shoves my brain into overdrive.  Wow…  life really has bad timing sometimes, doesn’t it?  There’s just nothing like feeling confused, hurt and kinda sad on a long holiday weekend in a new town, with no friends or family around!

…Reflecting on various things about me, my relationships, and the uncanny and random directions of life paths.

I really believe this!

Apparently I can’t leave well enough alone because I wrote to M apologizing for offending him (although I still really have no idea how I was offensive?!).  It was important to me to write this because I like to think I live a calm, peaceful existence and I have low tolerance for hurting others in any way.  I felt this email was kind and considerate and it would also alleviate my guilt at him feeling “really offended”.

So imagine my surprise when I jump on FB to copy, paste, and mail this email…….and discover M has DELETED me from his FB friends!!

WOW-ZA!  That’s harsh!  With consideration of the fact that he rarely facebooks (yeah, I’m using “Facebook” as a verb…hehe;-) )  I’m shocked that he not only took the time to do this, but also that he would do it at all.  Why?  Was there some fear I was going to get all crazy up on his FB page in public?  Stalk him via Facebook?  No seriously, why?  Why would someone do this? What purpose does this serve under the circumstances? 

Other than sending him one email on there last week, I don’t even utilize FB to communicate with him.  We never have actually, so any concerns that I might make a public fuss or do something stupid or irrational at all, much less on FB,  are surely unwarranted.  So WHY?

It’s silly and shouldn’t matter at all, but I have to confess, it really hurts my feelings.  It just seems mean and petty for the sole purpose of just being mean and petty.  WTF did *I* do that was bad enough or “crazy” enough to eliminate a social networking connection even”?

Apparently when M decides he wants to “just be friends”, then if you feel confused about that, you don’t get to even be a Facebook acquaintance/friend?

Why would he bother to go on a site he never uses anyway to delete me?  Why would this be necessary?  Why?  Why? Why??

Carrying an abundant load of the "Hate" ones here.....and it's heavy!

I wonder what it is about me that makes people love or hate me?  I’m a fairly easy-going person in general… In fact, I think I’m so mild-mannered and passive in general that I’m pretty boring on the surface!  Yet, I swear people either feel strongly about me in one direction or another or they just don’t feel anything at all.  There’s rarely anything in the middle for the people in my life, past or present.  I suppose I should like the fact that obviously I at least invoke feelings of passion in one way or another, right?  I don’t though.  I’m perfectly okay with middle-of-the-road thoughts and feelings and especially for FB friends!  Good GAWD, what kind of friendship “commitment” is FB anyway?  It isn’t. Well except maybe for “those” certain people who bug the living bejeezus out of you on there, but geesh, that’s not me!  I don’t harass people or stalk people or publicly post anything inappropriate.  GEESH…this really hurts my feelings.

I’m flabbergasted by this action and I’m reflecting so much on all the people in my life over the years that were madly in love with me (friends or otherwise) and then ended up just hating me when something happened like the friendship had issues, or we broke up, or whatever…  I can only feel that strongly about people who have hurt me terribly or people who harass me so I feel the need to protect myself from those things ever happening again. Then, I might need to delete a FB friend or hold onto strong feelings about that person out of fear or something. I see how this happens when you have a sordid history with a person and/or fears about that person.  I get that completely…

With all the extra time alone on my hands today, I’m deeply wondering exactly what is it about me that makes me so easy to love and even easier to hate it seems?

Wondering how I seem to inspire so much of this?

For such a peaceful, fun-loving, accepting, “do-gooder” person as I am (and seriously people, I am!!), I think it’s entirely possible at the end of my life that I’m going to have the longest list of haters ever… the kind of list that might be appropriate for political reasons or say, Adolf Hitler sized karma or something of that magnitude. 

GEESH, I don’t have a long list of “oops…probably shouldn’t have done that or said this or treated so-and-so like that”.  I would venture so far as to say the number of people I’ve even inadvertently hurt can be counted on one hand even.  I’m not perfect by far, but I’m extremely sensitive to hurting people or damaging anyone or anything.  I want to leave the lightest footprint in this world as possible, and not just environmentally, but emotionally too.  I love and accept most anyone and everything until that becomes a potential hazard or danger to my peace.  And even then I don’t go on a hate rampage or anything big and terrible; I just quietly keep away and stay away.  It’s of the utmost importance to me that the emotional footprint I leave on people and the world in general be heavy only in positive energies like kindness and love.  I have lived by that creed for as long as I can remember.

So how is this perpetual love/hate me (and mostly hate it seems right now) element even possible?  I don’t know and I don’t like it.  I shouldn’t care so much, I know, I know…  Screw ’em all anyway!  Ughhh…  But I do care.  It’s bothersome and hurtful to know I’m so hated by so many…for no reason

WTF?!

 Anyway, I apologize for this whiney, self-righteous, and probably trivial post.  I’m really struggling with this today!  All the negative energy this creates in my head and my life is not leaving just a gentle footprint on  ME!  Ugh…

…but I don’t wanna play Where’s Waldo!

S and I have emailed for several days… some really fun, flirty, nerdy emails.  Those are my favorite kind! I’ve been enjoying them and look forward to reading them each day.  Bonus: S’s photos looked nerdy in my kind of sexy-nerdy way!

I was super stoked when he invited me out to the lake yesterday!  I’ve wanted to go see it and explore since I first moved here…and here was a great opportunity to do so AND with a fun person too!  I felt a little worried after we talked though and he had a very nasally, overly-nerdy sound.  Well, it wasn’t so much the actual sound of his voice as much as it was his acutely lackluster conversation skills outside of email.  I shook that off as maybe just a phone thing (?)though.  And anyway,  I’m gifted at bringing people out of their shells and perfectly capable of stimulating conversation all on my own…

He arrived to pick me up.  He did look kinda like his pictures, except that his pictures seemed to display a different persona than he actually carried in person.  Not a big deal; he wasn’t totally appalling to look at.  So far the only real “issue” was that Mother Nature chose to hit me hard with cramps which could probably rate on a seismic scale if my body was a representation of the earth and its rumbling tectonic plates.  Ughh….  No worries though, on the way out the door, I quickly grabbed a few Motrin and knew I’d just have to wait for them to kick in…

Shortly after we’re driving along in his truck, he asked how I came to be in Vegas.  I start explaining:  My ex husband moved here a few years back for his work.  My daughters and he had such a rough time with this, it got more and more difficult each night to hear the nightly crying and…

INTERRUPT: What I want to know is if your ex wants to get back with you?

(Geesh…I thought you wanted to hear the short story version of why we came here…umm…I wasn’t rambling on or anything…) Oh.  Okay…umm..noooooo…that’s not why we’re here.

Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.

Ohhh..okay…

Conversation dwindles…so I start asking lots of specific questions.  How did you get to be here?  …What kind of job is it that brought you here?  So where did you grow up? Where is your family?  Are you close to them?  Are you a coffee drinker?  Ever been married…kids? What kind of music do you like most?

S proves to be the master at one-word and vague “dunno” question-answers, which certainly don’t further conversation at all.

Ummm???  Bakersfield?  ….Ummmm yes?  Hmmm….no? No..no…umm…I dunno?

Is it gospel? ...umm... So you like gospel music, right?

He gives this last answer as he switches the radio station to some sort of gospel.

…and I start to have little hesitations as to the length of time I’ve committed to with this first meeting.  I think of M’s brief meet-n greet-first rule and begin to think of it in a loving, regretful way.  Ohhh GAWD, why-oh-why didn’t I stick to that wonderful idea?  Am I going to have to pull teeth like this all.  DayLong?? ..AND that just to get yes/no AND indecisive answers?  OMG!

..that you? Forrest?

As I’m contemplating whether he is socially just inept or more along the lines of Forrest…Forrrrrressst Gummmmppp, to compound my hesitations and regrets here, as we are almost approaching the lake itself (maybe 15 – 20 minutes driving in the car at most), I am hit HARD  upside the head with the sleepy stick.    I mean, I’m not kidding here.  I suddenly feel like I’m on the way into surgery, just after the anesthesiologist has visited to intentionally knock you out, hard and heavy for the upcoming procedure.  Blurred voices that sound like, Okay Kay, start counting backward from 5 for me

That's me..only I was sitting in S's truck @ the time

Mmmmhmmmmm…ohhhhhkayyyy…Five…(my legs are getting heavy)…fffffffour (arms feel rubbery)…thhhhreeeeeee…(eyelids involuntarily drooping)…WTF? 

What is the matter with me?  Yeah, this guy’s a little boring so far and might be conversationally (socially?) handicapped, but its 11 o’clock in the morning for Pete’s sake!  I can sit through a two hour Catholic Mass after only an hour’s sleep and with a hangover and STILL stay awake better than

What I SO wanted to do....zzzzz

 this!  Hell, I can find watching paint dry interesting for more than 20 minutes if I set my mind to it…and this isn’t quite to that desperate point yet…  I mean, there IS conversation happening…

I’ve heard about his sister’s dairy intolerance and the substitutions his mother makes for holiday meals.  Hey, this is valuable information in case I ever become lactose or dairy intolerant!  I’ve heard about his parents’ six marriages between them and his religious upbringing… okay,  so he might answer my questions with vague dunno’s..but he gets to better explanations shortly thereafter all on his owneventually

No joke though…I can NOT keep my eyes open and I feel like someone slipped me some drugs.  I’m getting heavy and beyond lethargic.  WTF?

Hoover Dam

Ahhh..we’re at the Hoover Dam…finally.  I probably just need to walk around in the fresh air a bit to shake this uncanny sleepiness off…WHEW…just in time…

We walk around a bit.  Other than trying to hold my hand, this guy knows nothing about anything that I find interesting…but I’m working hard to keep thinking of more and different questions to ask.  I keep trying…

Hell, today I am in Webster’s as the very definition of inquisitive….what’s that thing do?  Am I standing in Arizona now?  You don’t know?  Okay.  Why do they block those sections off?  You don’t know?  Okay.  What are these elevators for?  Where do they go?  You “ummm..dunno…?”  Okay.

And the pictures…ahhhhhh geeesh the pictures!  I’ve never been here before and conversation is far from interesting, so in between coming up with 200 questions to try to stay awake, I’m snapping pictures with my cell of everything!

Okay…here’s a heads up for anyone who doesn’t know or suspect this yet.  I’m not shy.  I’m talkative, I’m effervescent.  Hell, I’m borderline giggly…  and if I want your picture, I will not hesitate to ask or just start taking them even…

So, when I’m taking pictures of historical monuments or constellations etched in marble on the platform, or the sculpture of the bridge worker guy, whatever…

Why is Waldo even IN this picture?

Do not…and I mean DO NOTjump in my picture! Don’t hang by the statue…don’t step into the marble constellation plaque…don’t lean over onto the bridge railing into the edges of my picture taking effort…

Seriously, I don’t know you and I don’t want a bunch of monumentally interesting pictures where I will later play Where’s Waldo? (aka:that one-uneventful-n-painful-date-I-dredged-myself-through-that-one-day).  Seriously guy, I’m making the best of this incredibly dull situation…  and it’s gonna be tough to crop you out of these pictures later in case I want to share them, frame them, or just look at them someday… C’MON…I don’t wanna have to ever explain you to people…k?  Please?

And here is when I realize in spite of my botched attempts at conversation and question-asking, beyond the fact that I seriously can.hardly.hold.my eyes.open…  S is digging me!  That’s hysterically funny to me in my borderline comatose state! 

He actually nudges my hand to hold it in spite of the fact that I kept my cell in my hand on the side closest to himat all times.  So we held hands over my cell phone….because I don’t know how to jerk my hand away from his knowing I’ve still got several hours with him to endure.  So, every time he’d grab my hand, I’d suddenly want another picture and yup, you guessed it…I needed that hand…  And yup, you guessed it…he’d lean into my picture!!

Waldo!?!  Get OUTTA there!  Can’t you see I need a picture of anthing at all errr… that part of the sidewalk?  Sure, it looks plain and ordinary to you and there’s hundreds more but that’s not the point!  It’s saving me from having to reject your hand OR hold it against my will.  This random picture taking thing?  This thing I’m doing here?  Incessantly?  Yeah… This, I do for you pal..so knock it off…k?

No.  S starts asking strangers to snap our picture with his camera!! Like we’re some adorable couple on vacation here.  People are all, “Awww..that’s a good one!  and “You two are so cute!”    S says, you’re good at posing…  I say yup…you have no clue…  Posers-r-me!

S was really a pretty nice guy but he seriously blew it off the bat by interrupting me telling a critical, and even somewhat interesting, story in my life and how my daughters and I came to be here.  That was just rude and socially inept and I was struggling to get past it…still.  If you can’t bring yourself to listen to a 45 second story that’s fairly critical to my life and the only reason we are even able to BE on a date on this day, then you’re already pretty much out.

Unless maybe you can do some tricks for me?  Huh?  What?  You “ummmm…dunno?”  Hmm..ok.  You’re out then.

I made the best of the day I could.  Thank GAWD the sights were interesting and I was able to take TONS of random photos to keep my hands busy…errr…of all that interesting stuff!

I just could not get over the initial interruption OR the fact that as academically smart as S seemed, he was just an idiot.  I’d swear if I’d asked him his favorite color, he wouldn’t have known the answer to that question either! Ummmm….I dunno?

Finally, we’re on our way home…yayyy!  And I just can’t fight this overwhelming fatigue anymore (really WTF is this?!)  I felt bad because I actually dozed off on the way home and it was only 5 PM…I just could not hold my eyes open!  Sure hope I didn’t snore or drool.  Woke back up as we were in my neighborhood and he’s asking when I’m next free.  I borrowed his repetitive line from the day and said, “Ummmm…dunno?”   I apologized for my lethargy and jumped out of his truck as fast as possible, given my dead-weight arms and legs…and groggy mental state.

The Tylenol hadn’t helped my Mother Nature issue much at all..so I ran straight to the medicine cabinet to grab a few more of those Motrins. And then I see what I had done.  NO FREAKIN’ WAY!!!!!

OMG!!

It was Motrin PM!!!  I had inadvertently taken two SLEEPING PILLS before I went on a date with one of the most boring persons I have ever met.  I swear my track record with OTC medication and dating is just un-freakin-believable!!

The Alice syndrome and other idiosyncracies

Yeah, I'm this awesome!Feel a teensy bit guilty that although I still receive five or more emails a day, I just don’t have any interest in any one of them!  Do I think I’m the cat’s a@@?  The bee’s knees?  The most precious,   fabulous, and unique flower in the garden?  The nutritional and so luscious carrot on a stick?  No….Well yeah, I kinda am the platypus’ shiny and fun bill…but that’s not even really it…

I’m fully aware that I’m far, far, far from perfection.  In fact, I’m so flawed; I’m a walking, living, breathing example of Wabi Sabi in action.  I know that in order for anyone to truly cherish me, he has to embrace the epitome of my quirkiness, adore my ability to continue working on my “issues”;

This qualifies as wabi sabi RIGHT?

put up with hard, random  hits of Mother Nature; value that I’m always a mother first; appreciate my poetic, lost-soul social butterfly and simultaneously philosophical-loner nature;  enjoy my occasional sexually deviant curiosity; lovingly kiss the scars I bear from being a horrendously horrifying driver;  strongly desire to make-out passionately with my sporadic anxieties; crave having mad passionate sex with my exasperating phobia of commitment and abhorrence of categorization; and hold sweaty hands with the needy child in me. Gosh, isn’t that all just charming?  And to think, I’m sure we all have wondered just why such an utterly delightful creature of perfection as I am is divorced and single?

just hold it and hush!

ummm..am i tall or is it just me?

Add to the mix here, that it’s just that I feel tall.  I know I’m not really that tall…no, actually I’m probably about only slightly above average height by today’s standards, but I feel tall.  I always have had this affliction.  Maybe it stems way back from the awkward pre-teen era when I was already 5’7” and every other child in my entire school, male OR female, was maybe 5’2”… or less.  I hated it!  I towered over everyone, including my own family:  my mother, my older sister, almost eye-to-eye with my dad even (I’ve never been exactly sure whom or what family I really belong to)!  I felt tall….I truly was tall…

…and I still feel so tall.  I can’t know if the majority of single male online daters out there are under 5’8”, but what I’m realizing it either that’s the case or I’m a magnet to the shorter daters.  Out of the 15 incoming emails I read yesterday, only two were over 5’9.  Okay, so we have two…  Of those two, neither do I find at all physically appealing.  So now I not only feel tall, but I feel distinctly discriminating, judgmental, and superficial as well.  And those are not characteristics I would ever pride myself in.  In fact, I’d typically deny they exist anywhere in me…and even feel confident in that denial…until I browse my incoming dating-interest emails and I’m like ….too short…too short..wayy too short…ummm just no….and too short..too short..ummm…another no just because.

I’m flattered that any of these people even bother to respond to me, please don’t misunderstand, but this is becoming the repetitive theme going on here every time I check my dating emails…and quite frankly, it makes me feel bad, tall, guilty, tall, a plethora of other traits  I don’t respect or admire, and tall

Wanna be friends?

One would think that since I’m not really in the market for a husband or even steady boyfriend, that these things wouldn’t matter much.  Obviously in potential friends, they don’t.  However, ultimately, I can’t pretend that on a dating site many (any?) of these potential suitors are just so taken by my fabulous friend qualities that they feel totally compelled to befriend me. OMG…she is awesome!  I gotta be her new BFF!!!

…umm….I WISH, but even I’M not so optimistic as to entertain such silly Polly-Anna notions or I might get away with claiming I still believe in Santa and the Easter bunny as well.  Thus, I’d feel every bit  as guilty going out for dinner and drinks or coffee with them as I do ignoring their emails or sending a thanks, but no thanks response (which I confess, I’m doing less and less of these days), knowing I have a friends-only intention.   Ahhh the dilemmas!

I could exercise my inner bitch that lives under a pile of guilt, do a more interesting play-by-play of my most recent responses and   get a good giggle or two from that, but I actually feel too guilty.  I suppose that as long as there are a few (or any?!) responses interesting enough to at least communicate with, it somehow makes me feel like less of a raging superficial bitch to poke fun at the others.  However, that’s just not the case….but if I quiet down my overactive guilty conscience any time soon, I plan on still writing and laughing about these comical emails…geesh… What??  Everyone needs a giggle-chortle-snortle every now and then!  Right?

Onto the other not so prospective prospects updates and otherwise:

Word Man has informed me via FB email that he deleted his dating profile and is very much looking forward to our Scrabble re-match.  Oooooohh I do LOVE Scrabble….  WAIT! WHAT?!  What’s UP with these guys anyway?  I’m starting to get a complex here…   That’s two meet-n-deletes that I know of.

M…ahhhh Mr. M….  I have a confession to make with that too.  Yes, I do like M.  And without a doubt, even like him the best by far of all my dates and prospects even…  but that is a truly relative and honest disclosure in this particular situation.  I think I raise his likeability “status” because it’s merely an “in comparison” attraction (mayyyybe slightly higher-but that’s admittedly minimal) there.  Yes, I am interested in seeing him, do think he’s a fun date and good guy, but there’s really just not all that much there for me.  Not as much as I’d like to convince myself there is…  Crushing is so fun!! I like him well enough to date him and even enough to have sex with him sometimes – now and then, but I must tell you, it’s a just barely-above-mediocre-feeling at best.  It’s far too little to be a blow-out relationship, way too mediocre to even qualify into a mad, passionate sheerly sexual affair…and sadly,  probably just enough to be too much for the friends-thing.  Ugh!

Argh..the dating dilemmas and doldrums…

Off to my world...

No more email reading for me for a bit…  I think I’ll just go swim naked, re-do my toenail, polish, take two Excedrin, and overdose on some rainbows, butterflies and unicorns!

“F” is for (f#*& that)…fageddaboutit already

I recently read on another dater’s blog (http://simplysolo.wordpress.com/2010/08/16/five-dates-with-chef-recap/ ) about the annoying tendency of people (men) to jump to conclusions.  No one is exempt from this on occasion.  In fact, I may have been playing hop-scotch with conclusions just yesterday myself. However, over the past few years I’ve been privy to become acutely aware that it’s a basic thought process for some… and more interesting even is that said “some” are perfectly okay with any conclusions they’ve formulated, no matter how “off” they might be from the actual picture.

In my experience with this, I’ve found the shorter the jump, the closer to possible accuracy.  If we use a map of the U.S as our conclusion jumping mat, then let’s say if you jump from Nevada to California, you might not be completely off, but if your conclusions are more like jumping from New York straight to Arizona, you’ve most likely lost your way with your acrobatic and overzealous jumping.

I would love to list several rather amusing and/or frustrating examples I’ve faced with this over the past few years, but I fear that kind of detail might be just boring, so I’ll go with my most recent example.

Enter F…  F and I had emailed a few (maybe 2?  3 at most?) times and it was going along the line of any average starter-emails.  Nothing spectacular…nothing bedazzling, but still mildly worthy of a bit of my attention and polite responses.  Until I jump on to read my email and see I have one from him which has gone CLEAR from casual brief email chatting (we hadn’t even exchanged numbers or discussed it yet!) CLEAR into F sending me a short email simply saying, “meet me at such-n-such tonight at 6.”  WHAT???  Meet you??????  TONIGHT???  Wow..now that IS presumptuous!  Please put down the crack pipe Eager Eddie…you’ve clearly had enough…

Ummm…if I’ve not freely shared my number with you yet, it is so very NOT safe to assume, presume, and FLY all the way to “meet me at…”  Rome wasn’t built in a day pal, haven’t you heard? And unless you’ve access to being beamed up by Scotty, you’ve got a tad of travelling there to do just yet to get from point “E” for E-mail to point “M” for Meet-up….

I’m not exactly sure why I chose to even respond to this.  Typically, I’d have thought it best at that point to just ignore this one completely….ceasing all communication instantaneously.   However, I instead chose to write him a polite email saying I would not be able to meet him that evening and I offered up my phone number so we could discuss this and other get-to-know-you-E-to-M things prior to him making such further pompous and presumptuous invitations/demands with regard to me.

I received a call from Mr F. the next evening.  Ahhhh Mr. F, Mr. F., Mr. F…tsk…tsk…tsk…

Mr. F is the kind who makes a mere conversation challenging, frustrating, and borderline dangerous by his half-listening skills which lead him to make a jump like, say, jumping from Indiana over to Russia in one fell swoop!  These massive conclusions mean two things in a conversation:  1. You must watch everything you say very carefully in the conversation or you’ll spend over half the damned conversation explaining to dip-shit why and how he’s so off base that you don’t even really know how he came to that in the first place; which in itself is not only a ridiculously lengthy explanation, but just feels preposterous altogether because the dots do not even connect.  And 2.  Because of this, as well as the exhausting task of having to carefully analyze everything you even casually say within that lengthy and frustrating explanation itself, with this very explanation you’ve most likely only succeeded in providing  Mr. Country-to-country conclusion-jumper onto yet another miscalculated and totally off-base conclusion, as you were focusing on explaining his miscalculation in the one area, he has gone off in an entirely different one…  and is still totally lost in la-la land!

This, then carries the conversation back to step  1.  ….And thus, this futile exercise in explaining what shouldn’t have to be explained anyway has become the very sole substance of the conversation itself.  Not a very pleasant or coherent one, but it’s what you’ve got.  After only a few moments of this, if you’re anything like me, it begins to feel like a ludicrous elementary school game.  That piece of paper passed around in kindergarten which said, “How to keep a dummy busy” with an arrow instructing you to flip the paper over…and the same message on the other side…and on and on and so forth.

Far worse than the painfully grueling act of conversation itself here is when you add into the mix the person who stops listening as you’re explaining…because they’re so confident and practiced enough in their mass conclusion jumps that they really believe they’ve already got a good understanding of what you said, or meant to say, or were trying to say… Ugh…these people are exasperatingly impossible!

 Mr. F.  asks me what I do for work.  Innocent enough so far that without much thought, I just tell him.  I also throw in there that I’m hoping to get away from that field because it really felt unhealthy for me over time.  (I happen to have worked in an area of social work which leads the industry in burn-out rate.  I’ve been in it for 6 years, which is 2 years beyond the average rate for the typical “I hate my job” burn-out…)  And I confess I’ve been fighting against said burn out and feel it’s time for a career switch. 

F’s response to this is, “So you’re the pessimistic type”. 

WHAT?  This man clearly doesn’t even know the definition of job burn-out, as I’m not even sure how he got from A to W right there?  I say, No, I don’t think that’s an accurate assessment, but I do think when the case load and your effectiveness feel like you’d be far more effective just to macramé plant hangers all day to give to your clients,  then it’s probably time to do something else.

Well F has already made his assessment. And several times throughout our conversation, he alludes back to my “pessimistic” nature.  Seriously, I wasn’t even having a bad day!  My glass was two-thirds full during this conversation… a little spilled in the process perhaps, but I had my SHAM WOW! in close proximity and quietly and quickly wiped that right up as though it never happened.   Hell, I had rainbows and unicorns jumping around me even as we spoke. WTF?  I was done “explaining” after the first exercise in futility, but I did offer F one bonus attempt and after that, I had no interest in explaining any further.  This guy clearly is either just not that bright, is hearing or attention deficit impaired, or over time has just become ignorant by proxy of his chronic conclusion jumping. 

I don’t know why in spite of all of this mentally futile discourse, I still agreed to meet him for a drink on Wednesday night…maybe that’s merely yet another working example of my overly-optimistic nature?  Maybe this guy just isn’t good at phone conversations?  Had distractions running amok at the time?  Maybe my thick Russian accent threw his ability to hear and comprehend the words coming out of my mouth off into another direction? 

Wait.  I don’t have a Russian accent.  Okay, well maybe it was one of the other two possibilities then…  At any rate, I optimistically agreed to meet up.

…So, I’d be out-n-out lying if I tried to convince myself or anyone that I wasn’t beyond delighted to get a message the following day from a dear friend back home telling me he was in town on the very night of my planned date with F.  No.  I was truly ecstatic.  I not only was going to get to see my friend.  Yay!  But I had a legitimate and understandable excuse to cancel with F.  Of course, I didn’t feel like telling this to F via an actual conversation.  No, I opted to text it, with a brief explanation even!  Damn, I AM a considerate soul!

You know what? Mr. “Optimistic” F. didn’t even bother responding!  Not even an acknowledgement of my text itself. Well, well, well…this leads me to jump to two conclusions of my very own and I just don’t need any circumstantial conversation around to get to them either.  Mr F. obviously is horribly pessimistic and was making all kinds of further assumptions, conclusions, and massive country-jumps by my cancellation text or there would be no reason not to at least respond with an “ok”.  I get the distinct feeling he wasn’t “buying” my excuse, however coincidentally truthful and truly serendipitous it was…and it was both truthful AND serendipitous!

Perhaps the other possibility here is that F did not receive my text?  We had not texted at all prior…I merely assumed he texts…everyone texts…right?   Yeah, I admit I jumped from Rhode Island to Connecticut with that one.  Ahem…

So bye-bye Mr. F… toodley-do pal…hasta la vista, bayybeee… Happy conclusion jumping and conversation-torturing with the rest of the online daters out there!

Please assume that's me...

P.S.  Meet me at the bull fight in Mexico tomorrow night at 6…would ya? I’ll be the one waving the SHAM WOW! at the bull… ‘k…thanks…xoxo 😉

Wait a minute….is it pessimistic that I even own a SHAM WOW! ?!

Rejected by the Illusionist

Wow….so not sure what to think of this one!

Ummm...I did NOT do *this*!!

Finally got going last night…headed to the place, found it without getting lost (YAY!), and met Mr. PhD.  Yeah, I was about two hours later than I had agreed to meet(you <blush>  know exactly what I was doing), but I did let him know I was going to be later than expected.  He was going with friends anyway, so I don’t feel this was totally rude.    It’s not as if he was sitting alone at a dinner table for two or waiting on a bar stool alone, looking like the proverbial guy who got stood up!

I’m looking all around for him…. A tall (looking about 6’ or maybe taller even in his pictures), dark haired, attractive, professional-looking man.  Finally he finds me…

What??  As he comes toward me, I’m thinking, “Is that him?  (squinting my eyes a little)…Hmmm….objects in sight must appear smaller than they really are” because he was shorter than I.  I’m nearly 5’8” and I’d swear he was 5’7” or maybe a half an inch taller than that, but certainly not “tall” by any standards! 

how did he DO this??!!

Now, he never actually said he was tall or the height I thought.  Those were my guesses assumptions based on his photos and I really have to wonder just how that kind of height-“appearance” was fabricated so well in a photo?!  What kind of lens does his camera have that actually makes someone my height appear over 6 foot?   He must be a magician because that’s a fabulously executed optical illusion he has going on in those pictures!!  I’m not implying that he was dishonest.  He wasn’t.  Okay wait….  I just double-checked his profile and he does, in fact, list his height as 5’10”.   Yup…he was dishonest.  Not that 5’10” is claiming the height I imagined him to be from his pictures, but there’s no way in hell this guy’s even fully hitting 5’8”…  And I’d know this because I know exactly how tall I am and he was my height, at best

I do try not to discriminate on height.  I mean, it is what it is and this isn’t something any of us can dictate for ourselves like big muscles or big hair.  Some of the greatest guys I’ve known were around my height.  However, I am a tall-ish girl.  And while I’ve never been into the pretty boys,  overly-done Ken-types, or even have a huge insistence on a certain level of looks (I really do strongly consider the personality qualities of a person and that factors in BIG on how attractive I find them), I do have a height requirement.  Right or wrong, good or bad, I just do.  It’s probably the only physical appearance-trait which I lean toward being somewhat inflexible.  A guy doesn’t have to be a Greek God of physical perfection to me…  he doesn’t have to have a fantastic physique…he doesn’t have to be considered drop-dead-gorgeous by any standards of the definition. He can carry some extra pounds, be a little skinny, have a big nose, or too-tiny lips, whatever…   He does, however, have to be at least slightly taller than me.  It’s my only physical trait deal-breaker and I’ve just learned to accept that that’s where my teeny bit of possibly shallow side rears its ugly head.

Was this the trick he used?

So, needless to say, I wasn’t overly impressed upon meeting him, as he wasn’t at all what he implied or appeared to be in his pictures, although he was attractive(even in spite of the Affliction shirt he was sporting – uhh….just not my kind of “look” on a guy really).  Anyway, I made it right at the end of the concert (sorry…I was lollygagging and mustering up the desire to go out at all).  He introduced me to his friend and we stood there for the last two songs and made a few little attempts at conversation in spite of the noise.  Not impressive conversationally either, but I was giving him this one since conversation under these circumstances was difficult and would be for anyone.

The three of us start walking out of the concert and it’s pretty quiet among us.  I mentioned that I’d seen a local band a few weeks ago who was really fun, asking him if he’d ever seen them.  He said he had a long time ago and then asked me who I went to that with.  I told the truth:  Iwent with another person from the dating site that I’d met him on.  (Should I have been less than forthright about this?) …And that was pretty much the end of all conversation until as we got to the exit doors, he says he’s parked in the garage and asks where I am parked.  I’m in the lot.  So he says, well I’m going home.  I’m tired… I’ve been up since 7 and worked all day, but I’d like to hang out with you again sometime.

I realize I was quite late, but what the heck is this?  We aren’t even going to sit down somewhere together and chat?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m already pretty certain I’m not interested in dating him, so it’s not about that…  I just can’t imagine bothering with meeting up with someone at all if you’re not going to actually spend even a few minutes chatting one-on-one…  I mean we’re already there, right?

I suppose this guy must have not been at all enthused about my appearance either, as I can honestly say this was the shortest “date” I’ve ever experienced!  And in spite of the fact that I wasn’t really attracted to him “like that”, no one has ever…and I mean ever…dismissed me so quickly and easily, and especially not after I actually made the effort to go and meet the guy!!  Well, my pride was wounded by this.  He asked if I wanted him to walk me to my car…  No, I really am fine on my own…after all, I entered all on my own.  And he went one way and I the other. 

I couldn’t help but feeling I was a total disappointment.  What?  Do I not look like my pictures?  Most people I’ve met like this say almost instantly, “Ahhh you’re even more attractive in person!”  Is this just a line to mask their massive disappointment?  I’ve never questioned this before, but this was a first for me…and really felt awkward!! ..and not in a good way.  I suppose I should just be grateful that he dismissed me so quickly since I wasn’t interested in a dating-thing with him at all, but I still would have taken a few minutes to just kind of get to know him and see if we had any friendship-possibilities!  Was it disappointment in me?  Or was my being two hours late just so rude and totally unacceptable to him even under these “casually meeting up” circumstances?  What????!!

I drove home feeling very lonely, rejected, and wondering all sorts of things…  Of course I have selected pictures to post that I like the best…?  Well, and one just ridiculously stupid picture to openly demonstrate my (truly goofy and nerdy) personality and not necessarily my “most flattering” look…  Did I appear shorter to him in my pictures or something?   And maybe he was equally as disappointed in my height?

Wow…what was this about?

Anyway, so I’m on my way home feeling just crappy and like the whole thing was just a huge waste of time really… and I decide to stop in at a cute little neighborhood bar just down the street from my house to cry in my drink, wallow in my self-questioning…to try to salvage something of my Friday night.  I have never gone to a bar all by myself, so this was an experience in itself! 

Suffice to say, the evening did turn out to be interesting after all…more to come on that…

Update: Colonel Mustard called for you

Aka Mr. SOB (Sarcastic, obnoxious, bully) texts this morning in a lovely little:

 last day for the lake…wanna come with?

Awww…how precious!  Not even a hint of sarcasm or his obnoxious nature.  And yet, somehow, it just still feels pushy!!  Last day??  Really?  Who says?  Do the lakes in Nevada close for the season in late July?  Has the alarm sounded and I didn’t even hear it?  Like milk, does his boat and/or invite have an expiration date?  What he obviously is unable to comprehend is that he has passed his expiration date and is way too sour and stinky in my mind now for me to even comprehend of enjoying much anything about him.  Ewwww…

Now I wonder…  Would I have perceived this as “pushy” were it not for all the other shoves, sarcastic jabs, and purely obnoxious ME FIRST! ME FIRST! behaviors?  I think not, but ahhhh..you poor SOB guy…now the mere thought of you leaves a sour taste on my tongue and you poor, poor creature, you just have  no clue.   Hey Dude…Professor Plum called, he said to GET A CLUE!

Considered writing him an email “delicately” explaining why his text behavior has been offensive and  why I therefore feel relatively certain without even ever meeting him in person that we just won’t be a good match.  I don’t think he has earned that much consideration or effort, but the humane, soft-hearted girl in me almost wants to offer him a consolation prize wrapped up in “Here’s a clue for you, pal!”  However, his character seems one that would most likely be angry and defensive to this kind of thing, as opposed to seeing it as the eye-opening (ok..ok…and hopefully humbling!!) gift it would be intended as.

Nahh..I’ll just take the safe, albeit inhumane, path and ignore him.  Why should I stick my neck out there to offfer him a leg-up with his dating/communication technique?  I’m sure as hell not going to date him!  Anyway, the majority of men I’ve known who aren’t even “SOB’s” don’t respond well to constructive criticism, I simply can’t imagine how this guy would take to it!