Tag Archives: disappointed

Ugh…the confused mind of a novice dater

Hmmm?

Last night was the movie with M night… I was so excited to see the movie and spend a little time with M. I actually thought considerably about my outfit, dressed nicely, fixed my hair, and put on make-up! I rarely think too much about these things, but I was really looking forward to the evening.

I had left my car at Caesar’s Palace Wednesday night because a friend from home was in town working there for the night as the crew for John Mellencamp. I did have a date scheduled (that’s another post though), but canceled that to hang out with my friend! I texted my date around ten that morning to let him know, but he didn’t bother responding… guess he wasn’t happy I canceled? Too bad for him. This is my first friend who’s been in town since I moved here and even if he’s only in town for 24 hours and is working for most of that, I’m not going to miss the chance to see him! We’ve been great friends for 15 years…I’m NOT missing the chance to spend even a little time with him! I partied and hung out with him, had a great time, drank far more than I typically do…oops…and did not drive myself home. So last night, I had to get ready early for my date with M and asked the ex to drive me to my car when he came to pick up the children. Bless his heart; he agreed to take me to it.

This was around 5 and I hadn’t heard from M yet which was unusual, but I wasn’t worried. We get to my car and I still haven’t heard a word from M! I’m beginning to feel a little strange because he typically contacts me earlier on to verify our plans and the time. This is date #4, so he’s definitely doing it differently this time and I’m just not sure what that’s about. Finally, I decide to text him and ask if we’re still on for the movies. Meanwhile, I agree to go to dinner with the ex and the kids. About an hour later, I finally receive a response text from M saying he’s tired, he “should have let me know earlier that he’s not up to the movies”.

Hmm… I’m not happy about this. I’m not “mad” per se, but definitely not happy. It feels inconsiderate. I just can’t help but wonder how we go from Monday’s out of the blue “Miss you” to Thursday’s “oops I forgot to let you know earlier that I’m not up to hanging out”? Not to mention, what are the odds that I actually took some time to get ready for this night and he barely bothers to even cancel? Seriously, that’s just truly coincidental… I look stunning and I’m only going to grace my ex and the kids with this? WTF?! I didn’t bother to respond until I got home a few hours later with my car. I don’t really know what to say to him. I’m mildly hung over from the previous night’s festivities, so actually, it’s not terrible in my world that he canceled, but I am annoyed that I had to initiate contact and he took his sweet time to even let me know. No, it’s not his fault that due to my partying, I’d had to get ready early enough to grab my car, but it does just irritate me that I did take this extra time and he didn’t make the effort to kinda clue me in on his own. I mean, did this just occur to him as he received my text and then it took an hour to decide for sure after that even? Hmm…

Yup..just a bit...

When I get home, I just respond “ok” and he then says, I’m just down lately. No other plans. Sorry again. Night. I’m not sure how to respond to this? I feel a little badly that I was so annoyed though. Geesh, I’ve had some rough days lately too and I’m not always as considerate or perhaps as “punctual” (not that I’m often punctual anyway!) in the midst of those kind of moments either. I text him back telling him I’m sorry he’s having a rough time, I hope things get better, and I was a little disappointed because I had been looking forward to seeing him, but that I understood. No response…but that’s okay. It’s not like we have a foundation yet to discuss every personal strife we experience. Hopefully things are okay with M and he was just having a rough day.

I appreciate his overall consideration of me by implying to me fairly specifically that it wasn’t another date/girl or anything like that. Kudos to him for that, but I have to admit; the moles did start popping up anyway… It’s just so freakin’ hard to date! He’s never been anything less to me than totally respectful and considerate, dependable and kind…

So, I started wondering/worrying about my FB status post Wednesday night …something about heading off to meet my friend at Caesar’s. Did M see it and get the wrong impression? He doesn’t hang out on FB much, so I’ve never worried about that. It’s not like we’ve had the “exclusive talk”. Hell, it’s not like my friend who was in town is (or would ever be) a “date” or potential romance; we are strictly friends. And hell, I can’t even know if any of that has anything to do with anything. I don’t know the depth (or lack thereof?) of M’s feelings or thoughts regarding me. Would he care even if he DID think I had a date? Would that matter? Now that I’ve had sex with him, would it instigate thoughts in his mind perhaps of me being trampy? Does that matter either? Or was it merely as he said, he’s just having a bit of a tough time lately? I hate this spot! I don’t want to push these topics by asking about them because I don’t really know how I even feel about them myself. So, I sure as hell don’t bring them up and don’t want to. However, I like to think I’m a considerate soul… And if this was the issue and/or causing some confusion or hesitation on M’s behalf, I’d like the chance to explain that it was a friend in town, not a romantic date planned…and would certainly be more considerate and cautious with my FB status postings. And if it’s just as he’s said and nothing more, then I don’t want to start throwing “explanations” his way either.  There’s such a fine line between basic consideration of another person’s feelings and inappropriate presumption in this dating stuff…ughh

Dating sucks!  The boundaries are all a big murky grey area. Even the level of respect and consideration to offer up or maintain is rather unclear…and the line between dating and “more” is just impossible to decipher. None of this would be rolling in my head though if I had kept the sex thing out of it.

Why does sex have to feel like it changes the already confusing and indeterminable rules of the whole dating thing? Does it really? Should it?  I am far from a professional or even experienced dater. I just don’t know these things. Ugh…