Tag Archives: addictions

What goes up…

image via Clker.com

And here is the downside of it all…  I’m certainly not perfect (as any who read this blog I’m sure have already figured out).  Although, I do know and am very confident that in any dating situation, I bring a lot of positive, great stuff to the table… 

I’m considered attractive by most, I’m a pretty good sport in life in general, my intelligence is higher than the average bear, I have a broad and terrific sense of humor, am genuine and honest, and have an innately vibrant energy…all good stuff!

I’m pondering today though…..

I received an email this morning which says, “Thank God…another smoker!”  Umm….what??  Because I’m very honest, I have admitted that I occasionally smoke.  Eeeeek…..I’m so over the whole smoking thing…however, I have not fully conquered the nasty disgusting habit…ughhh…and YUK:-(

I was tempted to be less than honest about this nasty downside because I hope to kick it to the curb fully and hopefully sooner than later… 

Then I get this email today and I realize my honesty will most likely draw smokers to me and push non-smokers away.  In addition, I can sincerely say that my odds of quitting totally, while dating a smoker, are less than optimistic.  So naturally it’s not all that appealing to me to date a smoker…and especially not one who has responded to my “occasional smoker” admission with “YAYYYY…you smoke!!”

On the flip side, were I to deny this habit, then I’d feel like a liar if I got an overwhelming and undeniable urge on a date with an avid non-smoker to sneak off and have a quick little yukky puff (which just recently happened to me with Mr. Favorite)…  Thus, until I’m confident I’ve conquered this fully, I must be honest that there might indeed be moments here and there when I’m not effectively fighting this battle of niocotine addiction. 

This leaves me in a quandary of sorts.  I really would prefer not to date a smoker…and yet, I currently would need someone at least mildly sympathetic to my struggle with nicotine and willing to accept the possibility of an occasional relapse…and that’s most likely only going to come from a smoker.  I certainly wouldn’t expect a non-smoker to kiss me after smoking though…eww..yukk!  And I like kissing, so that does take a bit of the fun out…and yet it also would provide a fabulous motivation for me to NOT indulge in these occasional relapses as well…  Hmmmm….

UPDATE:  M texted me on his way home from work last night asking me to come for a swim, but this week is not looking conducive to a spotaneous evening swim, so I had to decline.

…And I must confess, I giggle a little inside knowing that he must wait for his swimsuit “pic” when I’ve already shared one in virtual public here on my blog.  Ummm…is it proof that my inner bitch is growing bigger and stronger that I get a degree of  delight from knowing that little contradiction and blatant display of favoritism?