Category Archives: Rudeness

FB aka SNWMD (social networking weapon of mass destruction)

Saturday night I hit my local little neighborhood tavern for some live music, dancing, and social interaction. Walk in with my friend, S, and her husband. Not too busy here yet, but I’m happy to be among friends. S immediately sees another chick she knows. I don’t know said chick, but after they’re finished with their hello hugs, I smile and say “Hi”, reaching out my hand and introducing myself properly in that oh-look-we-have-a-mutual-friend friendly way. I can’t help but notice mutual friend chick happens to be a beautiful woman with vivid red hair…just gorgeous! Yay Chickie!

Ms. Chickie-poo instantly gives me a look. Eeeek… And I mean a look: a hateful, I wish I could shove you down a 500 foot razor blade slide and land you into a pool of rubbing alcohol kinda look. Whoaaaaa! I’m absolutely thrown…wtf? I don’t even know you lady…what is your problem here? Let me tell ya, it was NOT subtle in any way either. It was bold, blatant, and totally unapologetic. It was so horrendous, the nasty smell of sheer hate instantantly permeated around us; she had a look on her face which even resembled the twisted, painful look one might have were one trapped in an elevator full of horribly offensive gas. It happened so instantaneously and noticeably that even S stepped back a bit in surprise. Yeah…awwwwkwarrd!
I didn’t ask any questions. I’m not 9 anymore; I refuse to deal with these type of senseless things. Weird as hell? Ummm yeah. Do I really give a damn? Nahh. I just accept my fate-of-hate and go have a seat alone several feet away, giving the two their space to catch up, chat, hug, and whatnot. I’m certain I don’t know her at all and therefore, whatever the problem is, it is without a doubt, her problem and has nothing at all to actually do with me.

Few moments later, S comes to sit next to me and says, “wow..that was uncomfortable” Yeah, ya think? What’s her deal?

Apparently, I “know chickie-poo’s boyfriend”. Hmm…I do? Okay….I know lots of people…that could certainly be…but…umm….still, what the hell?

Yeah, it gets better… Not only do I apparently know Ms. Chickie-poo’s loverface, but I (brace yourself here people because all lines of morals, boundaries, and common decency are just about to get crossed, eliminated, skipped over, and possibly destroyed)…

I not only know loverface, but I (deep breath)…..……POSTED ON HIS FACEBOOK WALL!

And you know what? I really did! Yeah, I did this. I posted on her loverface’s wall. Yup, right there for all to see I typed four or five words essentially saying, hello, how are things with ya… RIGHT ON HIS FACEBOOK. I admit to this debauchery. Yes, I am a Facebook Whore. I confess I’m just wicked to the core like that. Mmmhhmm. Call the firing squad, grab the noose, gather the town folk, hold onto your husbands, brothers, computers, hooker stilettos…snatch your loved one’s password and quickly get to the business of friend editing. Go ahead and start embroidering those three scarlet red letters “FBW” too!

Because. I. Am. Guilty. As. Hell. Here.

Yeahhh….and you wanna know something else? I’m not even sorry. I don’t feel guilty. And yeah dammit, I’d do it again. I mean, I WILL do it again. Go ahead, pin those damned letters right on me. There’s no shame in my Facebook game. I post on people’s walls. I do it pretty much every day…sometimes several scandalous times a day even….yeah. And I’ve no intention of stopping. Beware: you (or worse yet your lova’face!) could be next!

So after this little “faux pas” of mine was explained to me via S, Chickie-poo proceeds back over to “chat” with S and me. And wow she was on a mission!  I lost count after like the 17th time she said “my boyfriend”. Umm, you know my boyfriend. Yeah, you posted on my bofriend’s facebook the other day. My boyfriend is over at the —– right now. I’m goin to call my boyfriend and tell him I met you……blah, blah, blah… I mean, she was making it cleeeee-year that she did indeed have a “boyfriend” and that he was, without a doubt, her possession. Okie dokie Chickie-poo! I’m not so big on the labeling thing, so it was pretty clear to me that not only was Ms. Chickie quite insecure, but she and I had some fundamental differences which might get directly in the way of she and I becoming BFF’s anytime soon. Awww…pity…

This lovely little incident came immediately following another FB incident only a day or so earlier in which another innocent FB post got me in “trouble”. I was recently accused of dating a friends’ ex-boyfriend…for the following three reasons: 1. Ran into boyfriend twice in one week (oops! But geesh it IS a small town!); 2. We re-united as FB friends (he didn’t make the cut of my last edit but it was nothing personal); and 3. I posted “great to run into you this weekend!” RIGHT ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE!

Uh huh.

So my friend then “intelligently” deduced from this cryptic happenstance that we are “dating”. Yeah, this one’s a real Einstein/Sherlock to say the least. Maybe I shouldn’t mention a few key points, but I’m gonna anyway. 1. I’ve known her ex for many years before I knew her at all and didn’t want him then just like I don’t want him now; 2. She is pregnant and engaged to another man; and 3. My reasons for being (gasp!) TWICE in the same place as her ex had zilch to do with her ex man, but just so happened to be because “J” hangs out in the same little local spot…and yes, I WAS there hanging out with J…flirting shamelessly and for the most part totally unaware of any other males around me. Apparently she didn’t get that key part of the local gossip.

And again the irony is overwhelming. There I am, hanging out with Jane’s ex fiancé, really digging him and feeling (almost) guilty about that…at least too guilty to actually tell anyone ( and not even J!) that I’m secretly only there to hang out with J. Her ex coulda been right in my face and I’d not have given him the time of day. I was way preoccupied on both curiously coincidental run-ins with her ex… Too busy flirting with another friends’ ex…GOSH, I have some standards dammit…only one friend’s ex at a time, thank you. Facebook, on the other hand, I have no limits to the comments I might post and no boundaries as to said person’s relationship status. It’s freakin’ Facebook people, a social utility! As long as I’m not posting something like, Baby last night was the greatest!  Come do me again tonight, or some similar sleazy, telling post on your boyfriend’s wall(and trust me, I never would post such a thing – no matter the underlying circumstances!),  then do us all a favor and get over it before you make an ass out of yourself!

But this crazy ass girl with obviously way too much time on her hands is absolutely certain I’m dating her ex! She texts me: Guess you like my leftovers. I’m not stupid. Ohhh well, time to get rid of more backstabbing bitches… that’s secifically her very words!  Yeah, If it wasn’t so pathetic, it would be hysterically funny. No wait, I guess it IS still pretty damned funny!

I feel like a drama magnet! Sometimes I reflect on this kind of seemingly chronic irony and drama which is a sad, but apparently unavoidable, aspect of my life in small town Midwest. Does anyone else get so much bullshit on such a regular basis merely by their existence and/or their presence? I can’t imagine so… Does anyone else instigate this much freakin’ drama without any effort whatsoever? And I mean NO effort. These two men hold zero interest or intrigue for me. In fact, each of them has at several points in our respective long-term platonic friendships made attempts at initiating something beyond friendship, but I was never interested. Not to sound arrogant or anything, but these two particular men, I could have had at any given time in the past ten years or so. Therefore, I’m not these silly little girls’ rival. Girls, girls…I don’t want your men or your ex-men. Sweet, sweet, ignorant, insecure, little darlings, trust me, if I wanted either of them, I would have them already. I am no threat to you, okay?  Bless your little hearts!!

PSA: Everyone can turn loose of their husbands, ex-husbands boyfriends, ex-boyfriends, crushes, and might someday be crushes, your mailmen, your trainers, your brothers, and your kindergarten playground pals from days gone by; you can cease creeping all over my FB page doing amateur investigative work; I’m totally and unequivocally digging only one friend’s ex…and geesh am I digging him…Ohhh my stars!! Updates on that (yeah, my actual moral debauchery) soon to come…:)

And please allow me to offer you two and the other plethora of females out there like you a glorious priceless gift of wisdom which has been handed down for generations in my family.  And please, take notes because it’s highly likely that you’re not of the upper echelon of intellectual beings.

Jealousy is so vastly unattractive that you’d be better off to pack on an extra 100 pounds. And insecurity is like growing a quarter-sized hairy old wart smack dab on the end of your nose. They are senseless, ugly crosses to bear…put them down. I promise you, you’re not avoiding or defeating anything with these two ridiculous relationship- killing, character-telling notions. Let them go!

Zeppelin, HD1-2, and head-spinning madness

I’ve been enjoying a couple of kinda fun  email exchanges and text-servations this past week, in spite of all that other M-whatnot and whatnot…   

Zep: cool snowboarder/surfer dude, exactly my age who shares a love of Led Zeppelin and classic rock in general with me…  fun, cool conversations…appears attractive in his photos, has a child and seems to understand and share my priorities as well… Good stuff!  We are meeting tomorrow for some drinks and Zeppelin.  I’m actually a bit excited to see what he’s like in person!   

Not so sure about these two dudes...hmm...

HD dudes:  hmm…..?  I am emailing/texting with two HD motorcycle guys. (HD1 and HD2?)  Both seem pretty cool.  I get borderline vibes from one and semi-borderline vibes from the other, but quite honestly, I have to re-check their profiles out to remember which is which, as they are fairly similar and I’ve no plans to meet either yet.  Although the one that seems “better” (for whatever reason?!) has invited me several times on a ride.  I very much want to go soon, but haven’t been able to squeeze that in just yet.   

...back to just mystified...

  Two (or three?) OMGWTF moments:   

  M started texting me Friday night as I was leaving with kids for a festival.  Yada, yada, yada….another lengthy and frequently misunderstood communiqué with M via text (sighhhhhhh…) These are truly getting so redundant and lengthy that I don’t even want to bore anyone by posting them anymore.    

Summary:  M says he’s back home and having drinks at the pub and hopes I have a nice weekend.  I say good for you; wish I could join you.  He says I don’t wish I could because he is too “busy and defensive”…    

WTF?!

(GAWD that makes me mad!  Don’t isolate something and act like it stands in a vacuum void of everything else I took the time and patience to text and/or email!  It makes me feel like I’m wasting every moment even bothering to try to “discuss” something with him…ughh!)   

I reassure him I do wish that because I like him and that I feel confident he knows I do as well, so I’m not going to explain it all again in a freakin’ text.  OMG…   

He explains how all this travelling isn’t his “usual” schedule and how his daughter needs him a lot right now and he does need someone who understands that.   

Umm…okay…I understand that.  To a point….  And then, I merely understand that while I might be able and willing to deal well with those things, when we add the defense mechanisms and “proving” his whereabouts, and not having much time with him (for whatever the reason is), it’s just too much for me and doesn’t balance out in the big picture.   

But dammit… I like him.  Geesh…  Wtf?!     

So…since my car was left in his neck of the woods, I suggested we not have another text (OMG….I can’t/won’t do it anymore…ughh) session and instead I stop over to actually discuss all that can’t be conveyed via a freakin text-servation….  So, I did… and I stayed.  And we laughed and talked and just hung out innocently.  I told him about my Hoover Dam date and the sleeping pills. He was whiney that I’m dating other people while he gives me his every spare moment and hasn’t once seen anyone else since he started seeing me.  Yeah, shut the front door, I said…I do not want to hear it! Blah, blah, blah…   

Yeah..so it's not this...unfortunately!

  And dammit, I like him.  It’s not some hot and heavy passionate thing either, I just like being around him.  I’m almost wishing it was some crazy wild sexual attraction thing…I could understand and deal with that.   In fact, no sex at all has happened in a while….that part is just not really all that intriguing to me(and has created a whole separate phenomenon which I’ll share in another post someday).  Overall, although I like being around him a lot, I’m just not all that interested in the sexual aspect and M’s flirty and suggestive about sex, but doesn’t push it at all either; which I like about being with him too.   This, this whatever-the-hell-this-is, I just freakin do not know wtf is going on?!   

And then I left in the morning with him saying let’s go to a movie this afternoon.  (I said maybe but then later remembered I couldn’t…)  I smile for a while and feel pretty good about the M thing…whatever it is, it does make me smile sometimes!   

And after being home and away from him for a few hours of being away, I have only two chronic and troublesome thoughts:  1. DAYUMM, my ex boyfriends’ new “girlfriend” is one lucky chick…  And I kinda want to hate her for that…  but I just can’t…  sighhhhh…   

And 2.  WTF is M ‘s freakin deal anyway?  More importantly, does it even matter what I decide to do?  It just sort of seems to have a whole life of its own anyway.  Perhaps instead of making any choices, judgments, or decisions at all, I’m just better off to flow with the current, whatever that current is, whenever it flows…?  Hmmm…..   

Ohhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyy  GAWWWDDD, as I was just finishing up typing this post (yesterday afternoon), M texted me some garbage about how he doesn’t know what he wants, but he doesn’t want a relationship right now or to waste my time and he hopes we can be friends!    

Photo via Johnny-Depp.org

...what M looks like in my mind now...truly MAD!

 OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG    ….is this shit for REAL??? Well, the friends thing has clearly been decided because now this has become a game of epic proportion!  I was shocked and befuddled..WTF??!!  So I text back, ummmm…wow..this is the craziest, most childish game I’ve ever dealt with, I wonder if he has some bi-polar issues and I don’t  bother  with having “friends” who just flip my head around seemingly for the fun of it alone; there’s really no room for game playing in my friend-arena, I do not know WTF he is talking about, and I wish him the best, as this now is just too fucked up across the board.  

 Here is where it gets truly EPIC:  M texts back that he’s offended by this.  (Reiterates yet AGAIN that) he hasn’t been seeing anyone else since he met me, and that he just didn’t want to waste my time, but is sincerely offering me his friendship………  

 Umm….I really, REALLY hesitate to ever call anyone “crazy”.  Anyone who reads my blog knows my feelings about that overly used and mistaken label.  BUT, I really am starting to think it applies here!! M is one crazy fucker! 

  Seriously pal, REALLY?  YOU’RE fucking offended?  You pull all this random weird nonsensical crap and YOU’RE fucking offended??????  Umm, I learned that tactic in Psych 101 my freshman year of college pal.  Yeah, you’re offended…  So, I say, I’m not the one playing stupid games, you’ve no right to be offended in the slightest (you freak..no I didn’t actually call him that but I certainly implied it).  I say I don’t know why he keeps telling me he’s not seeing anyone else when I keep telling him that I AM dating other people.  In fact, I have a date for Sunday even…..but what does that have to do with anything?  WTF are you even talking about here pal?  You’re making zero sense and I’m to the point of not making any more excuses for his sporadic and strange behavioral whims anymore.  It’s. Just. Fucked. Up. And sadly, way too fucked up to carry on as friends now (which for GAWD’S sake is pretty much what we were doing anyway in my opinion…mostly).   

I mean NO KIDDING – WTF IS THIS SHIT ANYWAY?   (No I didn’t text that either, but you know, pretty much in so many words).  M actually texts me back “not to text him ever again”.   

ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDIN’ ME??!  HE IS TOTALLY FUCKED UP… And I’m so irritated at him by this crazy-ass point, that I text back ANYWAY (merely because he told me not to..and anyway at this point, I truly could just care less wtf this man wants, needs, or thinks about me or anything at all..hehe). I text, “No problem.  Your game.Your rules. You win.”

Bye-byeeeeee! 

But (forcing myself back to the important stuff here), I get to have drinks and Zeppelin with a new guy today!  Let’s just hope he’s even half as cool as he seems! Hell, after this ridiculous effed-up M-crap, as long as he doesn’t suffer from bi-polar schizophrenic disorder, there’s no way he can’t at least be a refreshing change from this amazingly disturbing, fucked-up garbage with M!   

…but I don’t wanna play Where’s Waldo!

S and I have emailed for several days… some really fun, flirty, nerdy emails.  Those are my favorite kind! I’ve been enjoying them and look forward to reading them each day.  Bonus: S’s photos looked nerdy in my kind of sexy-nerdy way!

I was super stoked when he invited me out to the lake yesterday!  I’ve wanted to go see it and explore since I first moved here…and here was a great opportunity to do so AND with a fun person too!  I felt a little worried after we talked though and he had a very nasally, overly-nerdy sound.  Well, it wasn’t so much the actual sound of his voice as much as it was his acutely lackluster conversation skills outside of email.  I shook that off as maybe just a phone thing (?)though.  And anyway,  I’m gifted at bringing people out of their shells and perfectly capable of stimulating conversation all on my own…

He arrived to pick me up.  He did look kinda like his pictures, except that his pictures seemed to display a different persona than he actually carried in person.  Not a big deal; he wasn’t totally appalling to look at.  So far the only real “issue” was that Mother Nature chose to hit me hard with cramps which could probably rate on a seismic scale if my body was a representation of the earth and its rumbling tectonic plates.  Ughh….  No worries though, on the way out the door, I quickly grabbed a few Motrin and knew I’d just have to wait for them to kick in…

Shortly after we’re driving along in his truck, he asked how I came to be in Vegas.  I start explaining:  My ex husband moved here a few years back for his work.  My daughters and he had such a rough time with this, it got more and more difficult each night to hear the nightly crying and…

INTERRUPT: What I want to know is if your ex wants to get back with you?

(Geesh…I thought you wanted to hear the short story version of why we came here…umm…I wasn’t rambling on or anything…) Oh.  Okay…umm..noooooo…that’s not why we’re here.

Okay, that’s all I wanted to know.

Ohhh..okay…

Conversation dwindles…so I start asking lots of specific questions.  How did you get to be here?  …What kind of job is it that brought you here?  So where did you grow up? Where is your family?  Are you close to them?  Are you a coffee drinker?  Ever been married…kids? What kind of music do you like most?

S proves to be the master at one-word and vague “dunno” question-answers, which certainly don’t further conversation at all.

Ummm???  Bakersfield?  ….Ummmm yes?  Hmmm….no? No..no…umm…I dunno?

Is it gospel? ...umm... So you like gospel music, right?

He gives this last answer as he switches the radio station to some sort of gospel.

…and I start to have little hesitations as to the length of time I’ve committed to with this first meeting.  I think of M’s brief meet-n greet-first rule and begin to think of it in a loving, regretful way.  Ohhh GAWD, why-oh-why didn’t I stick to that wonderful idea?  Am I going to have to pull teeth like this all.  DayLong?? ..AND that just to get yes/no AND indecisive answers?  OMG!

..that you? Forrest?

As I’m contemplating whether he is socially just inept or more along the lines of Forrest…Forrrrrressst Gummmmppp, to compound my hesitations and regrets here, as we are almost approaching the lake itself (maybe 15 – 20 minutes driving in the car at most), I am hit HARD  upside the head with the sleepy stick.    I mean, I’m not kidding here.  I suddenly feel like I’m on the way into surgery, just after the anesthesiologist has visited to intentionally knock you out, hard and heavy for the upcoming procedure.  Blurred voices that sound like, Okay Kay, start counting backward from 5 for me

That's me..only I was sitting in S's truck @ the time

Mmmmhmmmmm…ohhhhhkayyyy…Five…(my legs are getting heavy)…fffffffour (arms feel rubbery)…thhhhreeeeeee…(eyelids involuntarily drooping)…WTF? 

What is the matter with me?  Yeah, this guy’s a little boring so far and might be conversationally (socially?) handicapped, but its 11 o’clock in the morning for Pete’s sake!  I can sit through a two hour Catholic Mass after only an hour’s sleep and with a hangover and STILL stay awake better than

What I SO wanted to do....zzzzz

 this!  Hell, I can find watching paint dry interesting for more than 20 minutes if I set my mind to it…and this isn’t quite to that desperate point yet…  I mean, there IS conversation happening…

I’ve heard about his sister’s dairy intolerance and the substitutions his mother makes for holiday meals.  Hey, this is valuable information in case I ever become lactose or dairy intolerant!  I’ve heard about his parents’ six marriages between them and his religious upbringing… okay,  so he might answer my questions with vague dunno’s..but he gets to better explanations shortly thereafter all on his owneventually

No joke though…I can NOT keep my eyes open and I feel like someone slipped me some drugs.  I’m getting heavy and beyond lethargic.  WTF?

Hoover Dam

Ahhh..we’re at the Hoover Dam…finally.  I probably just need to walk around in the fresh air a bit to shake this uncanny sleepiness off…WHEW…just in time…

We walk around a bit.  Other than trying to hold my hand, this guy knows nothing about anything that I find interesting…but I’m working hard to keep thinking of more and different questions to ask.  I keep trying…

Hell, today I am in Webster’s as the very definition of inquisitive….what’s that thing do?  Am I standing in Arizona now?  You don’t know?  Okay.  Why do they block those sections off?  You don’t know?  Okay.  What are these elevators for?  Where do they go?  You “ummm..dunno…?”  Okay.

And the pictures…ahhhhhh geeesh the pictures!  I’ve never been here before and conversation is far from interesting, so in between coming up with 200 questions to try to stay awake, I’m snapping pictures with my cell of everything!

Okay…here’s a heads up for anyone who doesn’t know or suspect this yet.  I’m not shy.  I’m talkative, I’m effervescent.  Hell, I’m borderline giggly…  and if I want your picture, I will not hesitate to ask or just start taking them even…

So, when I’m taking pictures of historical monuments or constellations etched in marble on the platform, or the sculpture of the bridge worker guy, whatever…

Why is Waldo even IN this picture?

Do not…and I mean DO NOTjump in my picture! Don’t hang by the statue…don’t step into the marble constellation plaque…don’t lean over onto the bridge railing into the edges of my picture taking effort…

Seriously, I don’t know you and I don’t want a bunch of monumentally interesting pictures where I will later play Where’s Waldo? (aka:that one-uneventful-n-painful-date-I-dredged-myself-through-that-one-day).  Seriously guy, I’m making the best of this incredibly dull situation…  and it’s gonna be tough to crop you out of these pictures later in case I want to share them, frame them, or just look at them someday… C’MON…I don’t wanna have to ever explain you to people…k?  Please?

And here is when I realize in spite of my botched attempts at conversation and question-asking, beyond the fact that I seriously can.hardly.hold.my eyes.open…  S is digging me!  That’s hysterically funny to me in my borderline comatose state! 

He actually nudges my hand to hold it in spite of the fact that I kept my cell in my hand on the side closest to himat all times.  So we held hands over my cell phone….because I don’t know how to jerk my hand away from his knowing I’ve still got several hours with him to endure.  So, every time he’d grab my hand, I’d suddenly want another picture and yup, you guessed it…I needed that hand…  And yup, you guessed it…he’d lean into my picture!!

Waldo!?!  Get OUTTA there!  Can’t you see I need a picture of anthing at all errr… that part of the sidewalk?  Sure, it looks plain and ordinary to you and there’s hundreds more but that’s not the point!  It’s saving me from having to reject your hand OR hold it against my will.  This random picture taking thing?  This thing I’m doing here?  Incessantly?  Yeah… This, I do for you pal..so knock it off…k?

No.  S starts asking strangers to snap our picture with his camera!! Like we’re some adorable couple on vacation here.  People are all, “Awww..that’s a good one!  and “You two are so cute!”    S says, you’re good at posing…  I say yup…you have no clue…  Posers-r-me!

S was really a pretty nice guy but he seriously blew it off the bat by interrupting me telling a critical, and even somewhat interesting, story in my life and how my daughters and I came to be here.  That was just rude and socially inept and I was struggling to get past it…still.  If you can’t bring yourself to listen to a 45 second story that’s fairly critical to my life and the only reason we are even able to BE on a date on this day, then you’re already pretty much out.

Unless maybe you can do some tricks for me?  Huh?  What?  You “ummmm…dunno?”  Hmm..ok.  You’re out then.

I made the best of the day I could.  Thank GAWD the sights were interesting and I was able to take TONS of random photos to keep my hands busy…errr…of all that interesting stuff!

I just could not get over the initial interruption OR the fact that as academically smart as S seemed, he was just an idiot.  I’d swear if I’d asked him his favorite color, he wouldn’t have known the answer to that question either! Ummmm….I dunno?

Finally, we’re on our way home…yayyy!  And I just can’t fight this overwhelming fatigue anymore (really WTF is this?!)  I felt bad because I actually dozed off on the way home and it was only 5 PM…I just could not hold my eyes open!  Sure hope I didn’t snore or drool.  Woke back up as we were in my neighborhood and he’s asking when I’m next free.  I borrowed his repetitive line from the day and said, “Ummmm…dunno?”   I apologized for my lethargy and jumped out of his truck as fast as possible, given my dead-weight arms and legs…and groggy mental state.

The Tylenol hadn’t helped my Mother Nature issue much at all..so I ran straight to the medicine cabinet to grab a few more of those Motrins. And then I see what I had done.  NO FREAKIN’ WAY!!!!!

OMG!!

It was Motrin PM!!!  I had inadvertently taken two SLEEPING PILLS before I went on a date with one of the most boring persons I have ever met.  I swear my track record with OTC medication and dating is just un-freakin-believable!!

Dammit Steve…

It occurred to me last night that in my blog mission of sharing my online dating experiences, I’ve neglected to share much of any of my real-life, more traditional, experiences of meeting people since I’ve moved to the city of U-turns and Vanity Plates.  I’m focused if nothing, but I realize my amazing focus leaves out a great deal of interesting experience.  I did share of the near violation of my no-no square, and  hot-as-HELL bartender, and drunken groping surfer dude, but other than that, nothing of this variety.  And ironically, I’ve had almost as many real-life occasions meeting men as online; not anything overly intriguing or exciting as to dating potential, noooo….but certainly interesting experiences in their own right. 

Neighborhood bar

I was blessed (or cursed?) location-wise, to live within walking distance of a fun little restaurant/bar.  It’s not a tacky little dive (although I confess I ADORE tacky little dive bars!!).  It has a nice restaurant I’ve not yet eaten in and above the restaurant is a lovely massive deck with a bar/lounge/club-like atmosphere. It has twinkle lights  scattered all over (ahhh the ambiance), huge fans and misters everywhere for the hottest nights (so cozy n comfortable  ), and a divine view of the Sin City skyline

Ambiance
Romantic

 (geesh so romantic!).  The crowd is a little on the young side, but overall there is a decent mix of crazy college kids through some middle age patrons… all the way to a coupe of old geezer “regulars” (one of whom believes every lady over the age of 30 who comes in the place, is a “cougar-for-Jared”).   Yeah, Jared is an undoubtedly (OMG!) hot bartender, but I’m still undecided on the cougar thing unless of course it’s for my precious Hottie McHotstuff over in Denver.  I do, however, like to be around people, socialize, and have a few drinks close to home occasionally…so I have been to this little “neighborhood place” three or four times since moving here. 

My last visit to the place got very interesting.  Old geezer (cougars-for-Jared guy) was there and Jared was bartending (bonus!).  I sat one of the little high-top tables alone(obviously).  I don’t like this much and can’t wait to make friends in the area, but there I was on this night.  Enter Steve (I’m sure no relation to my big-single-mother-blog-fan “Steve“). 

Steve is a fairly handsome guy around my age who on this evening asks to sit next to me.  I’m sitting alone in the midst of yet another frustrating text-servation with The Lingerer, so I’m more than happy for company, both to get my head away from the desperately annoying texts from Lingerer and to just have some company while sitting there.  He sits.  We commence to have a great discussion about various topics like careers, moving to Vegas, relationships, kids, education, politics, etc, etc…   It’s nice. I’m almost digging this guy.  Seriously. I. Am. Right. There. Hovering on the maybe this guy’s pretty cool ledge.  He’s attractive and can hold an interesting and intelligent conversation…  I’m definitely in for further investigation here.  I even moved tables with Steve at his suggestion that we move somewhere on the deck with 

is this better?

an unobstructed and more “romantic” view of the city. He bought me three (which is one too many for me!) drinks while we chatted.  Nice guy Steve.  As I’m slowly drinking my third glass of wine, Steve asks me if I’d like to go to the Rush concert with him Saturday night.  I’m a huge fan of 70’s music and this is a fabulous offer!  In fact, I’d heard of the concert on the radio just that very day and had wished I could go see them…  Wondering, how did this gift fall right in my lap?  I agreed and we exchanged numbers.  Then Steve offers to walk me to my car.  I had a bad experience with that just the last time I was at this place, so I’m hesitant.  It’s a catch-22 though because I do like having someone walk me to my car and especially here, as the deck (and thus, the majority of the people) is up so high, the parking lot is rather isolated from anyone’s view. 

Okay, this isn’t like the last time though.  I’ve actually been talking with this guy for several hours and we’ve even exchanged numbers.  Totally different scenario from Mr. Attempted Violation.  So, I gratefully accept his respectful, chivalrous offer. 

Once we get to my car, Steve goes in for a kiss.  

Okay…nice…

 I’m an admitted kissing tramp, so this doesn’t really upset of offend me whatsoever under these circumstances.  I’m in for a smooch or two…OH! Yeah!  And BONUS…he’s not at all a bad kisser!  He’s actually pretty good… 

I go to get in my car and he goes for another kiss…  Umm…okay…two is still acceptable.  I’m still in for that…  Yeah! I turn to get in my car a second time and he pulls me by my waist back toward him, turning me to snatch another kiss.  Yeah so, at this point I’m losing some of my kissing-a-stranger-gusto and am a tad more reluctant, but alright, I suppose one more is okay… but then I’m done with this for tonight pal, okay?  No, I didn’t SAY that out loud or anything, but I felt confident that my kiss itself demonstrated much less enthusiasm, as well as a definite …sigh… okay, but hurry up and get this over with feel to it. 

GOSH!  I’m definitely a very touch-feely kinda person.  Very!  But if I even think or sense for a split second that I even remotely detect any reluctance for me to touch, fondle, kiss, or otherwise demonstrate physical affection another person, I am OUT immediately.  I cease instantly.  I shudder at the mere notion of anyone ever “suffering through” my touch or kiss. 

Do ALL men need a copy?!

 Umm…  Do men NOT have ANY sensory perception AT ALL?  Does their entire sense of awareness come merely from within themselves, with ZERO comprehension of the body language of others?  Because while I was thinking, Okay, I don’t want to be rude and out and out reject you…so get this one over with and I’ll just see you later…  Steve, on the other hand, must have thought kiss number three was a big, blaring, flashing,  GREEN light; screaming “GO STEVE! GOOOO STEVE! IT’S YOUR BIRTHDAY!” 

On kiss number three, in spite of my reluctance to even 

a fair likeness of what I was hiding my “smokin hot bod” under…

 participate, Steve goes in for the grope/feel!  He slides his hands around my waist, under my top (!), and says, “Wow (Kay)! You’re hiding a hot little body under that big maternity shirt…  You’re smoking under there!” 

yup...that's me Steve...

Uhhh yeah..I’m smokin’…smokin’ PISSED OFF is what I am pal….so get. Your. Hands. Off. My. Skin.  Now!   A few kisses does NOT mean it’s okay or you’re otherwise invited to GROPE a woman… Seriously…Why Steve...?  WHY?? 

I drove home rather irritated at Steve because I had really wanted to go to that concert. Subsequently, I did not take Steve’s call on Saturday morning and haven’t even yet bothered to listen to the message he left either.  

 Dammit Steve!

Ugh…the confused mind of a novice dater

Hmmm?

Last night was the movie with M night… I was so excited to see the movie and spend a little time with M. I actually thought considerably about my outfit, dressed nicely, fixed my hair, and put on make-up! I rarely think too much about these things, but I was really looking forward to the evening.

I had left my car at Caesar’s Palace Wednesday night because a friend from home was in town working there for the night as the crew for John Mellencamp. I did have a date scheduled (that’s another post though), but canceled that to hang out with my friend! I texted my date around ten that morning to let him know, but he didn’t bother responding… guess he wasn’t happy I canceled? Too bad for him. This is my first friend who’s been in town since I moved here and even if he’s only in town for 24 hours and is working for most of that, I’m not going to miss the chance to see him! We’ve been great friends for 15 years…I’m NOT missing the chance to spend even a little time with him! I partied and hung out with him, had a great time, drank far more than I typically do…oops…and did not drive myself home. So last night, I had to get ready early for my date with M and asked the ex to drive me to my car when he came to pick up the children. Bless his heart; he agreed to take me to it.

This was around 5 and I hadn’t heard from M yet which was unusual, but I wasn’t worried. We get to my car and I still haven’t heard a word from M! I’m beginning to feel a little strange because he typically contacts me earlier on to verify our plans and the time. This is date #4, so he’s definitely doing it differently this time and I’m just not sure what that’s about. Finally, I decide to text him and ask if we’re still on for the movies. Meanwhile, I agree to go to dinner with the ex and the kids. About an hour later, I finally receive a response text from M saying he’s tired, he “should have let me know earlier that he’s not up to the movies”.

Hmm… I’m not happy about this. I’m not “mad” per se, but definitely not happy. It feels inconsiderate. I just can’t help but wonder how we go from Monday’s out of the blue “Miss you” to Thursday’s “oops I forgot to let you know earlier that I’m not up to hanging out”? Not to mention, what are the odds that I actually took some time to get ready for this night and he barely bothers to even cancel? Seriously, that’s just truly coincidental… I look stunning and I’m only going to grace my ex and the kids with this? WTF?! I didn’t bother to respond until I got home a few hours later with my car. I don’t really know what to say to him. I’m mildly hung over from the previous night’s festivities, so actually, it’s not terrible in my world that he canceled, but I am annoyed that I had to initiate contact and he took his sweet time to even let me know. No, it’s not his fault that due to my partying, I’d had to get ready early enough to grab my car, but it does just irritate me that I did take this extra time and he didn’t make the effort to kinda clue me in on his own. I mean, did this just occur to him as he received my text and then it took an hour to decide for sure after that even? Hmm…

Yup..just a bit...

When I get home, I just respond “ok” and he then says, I’m just down lately. No other plans. Sorry again. Night. I’m not sure how to respond to this? I feel a little badly that I was so annoyed though. Geesh, I’ve had some rough days lately too and I’m not always as considerate or perhaps as “punctual” (not that I’m often punctual anyway!) in the midst of those kind of moments either. I text him back telling him I’m sorry he’s having a rough time, I hope things get better, and I was a little disappointed because I had been looking forward to seeing him, but that I understood. No response…but that’s okay. It’s not like we have a foundation yet to discuss every personal strife we experience. Hopefully things are okay with M and he was just having a rough day.

I appreciate his overall consideration of me by implying to me fairly specifically that it wasn’t another date/girl or anything like that. Kudos to him for that, but I have to admit; the moles did start popping up anyway… It’s just so freakin’ hard to date! He’s never been anything less to me than totally respectful and considerate, dependable and kind…

So, I started wondering/worrying about my FB status post Wednesday night …something about heading off to meet my friend at Caesar’s. Did M see it and get the wrong impression? He doesn’t hang out on FB much, so I’ve never worried about that. It’s not like we’ve had the “exclusive talk”. Hell, it’s not like my friend who was in town is (or would ever be) a “date” or potential romance; we are strictly friends. And hell, I can’t even know if any of that has anything to do with anything. I don’t know the depth (or lack thereof?) of M’s feelings or thoughts regarding me. Would he care even if he DID think I had a date? Would that matter? Now that I’ve had sex with him, would it instigate thoughts in his mind perhaps of me being trampy? Does that matter either? Or was it merely as he said, he’s just having a bit of a tough time lately? I hate this spot! I don’t want to push these topics by asking about them because I don’t really know how I even feel about them myself. So, I sure as hell don’t bring them up and don’t want to. However, I like to think I’m a considerate soul… And if this was the issue and/or causing some confusion or hesitation on M’s behalf, I’d like the chance to explain that it was a friend in town, not a romantic date planned…and would certainly be more considerate and cautious with my FB status postings. And if it’s just as he’s said and nothing more, then I don’t want to start throwing “explanations” his way either.  There’s such a fine line between basic consideration of another person’s feelings and inappropriate presumption in this dating stuff…ughh

Dating sucks!  The boundaries are all a big murky grey area. Even the level of respect and consideration to offer up or maintain is rather unclear…and the line between dating and “more” is just impossible to decipher. None of this would be rolling in my head though if I had kept the sex thing out of it.

Why does sex have to feel like it changes the already confusing and indeterminable rules of the whole dating thing? Does it really? Should it?  I am far from a professional or even experienced dater. I just don’t know these things. Ugh…

My Darling Douche Bag…

Dear ex-for-a-reason-jackass,

Listen here douche bag my friend…  I left you ten years ago because you were an emotionally abusive, callous, self-consumed, cheating ass.  Although we have become friends over the years since that horrifying time, I’ve hardly forgotten who and what you once were both to me, and in general as well.

I recognize your control issues.  It doesn’t take a PhD in psychology to see them; hell, the sales clerks at your over-priced clothing stores probably have you tagged “the pompous ass”.  I’m sorry that you’re so insecure that you have to control every freakin element of your life and everyone else’s.  That must suck at a level of exhausting which makes me need a nap just thinking about it.  However, WE are not your employees.  WE are the mother of your children and your daughters.

We are not married.  In case you don’t recall correctly, that doesn’t bother me….in fact, I chose it.   TWICE.  I’m proud of you…really, I was am.  Your perfectionism in your career has led you to be as successful as you once dreamed so long ago in that college town where we met.  I’m delighted for you and I love that you’ve accomplished so much.  This has lead to a sense of financial security for our broken/dysfunctional divorced family that I’m ever so grateful to you for.  However, please remember that while you were living the wild single life, free to pursue your every career whim or goal, I was working 24/7/365 at raising our childrenalone.  Therefore, my success might seem meager and lacking in your corporate world of materialism, BUT it DOES make me above and beyond you the “expert” in parenting compared to your Disney Dad weekends and summer vacation parenting “experience”.

What I can’t understand is how such a monetarily generous human being can be so utterly and completely SELFISH and SELF CONSUMED?  Everything isn’t taken care of by money.  Yeah, thanks for leaving extra money on the table yesterday…the girls and I are going to a movie and out to dinner on you…and we appreciate that!  However, in as much as we appreciate it, money does not buy you an acceptable excuse for being a douche bag.  Money does not give you the right to eyeball me like a freaking steak you’ve just ordered –  mouth watering, and drool hanging off your lip…  I am not your peep-show anymore, nor your sex kitten, nor your emotional punching bag.  What I wear to clean the house is NONE of your BUSINESS. Hell, if I freakin want to clean my house NAKED, I will….maybe you need to just sit in the driveway and honk when you pick up the children.  In fact, would you? Please? 

I realize that you’ve not had to deal with physically seeing me so regularly (in sundresses, tank tops, bra-less, etc, etc, etc). since I left you so long ago, And I’m really trying to understand how challenging that might be for you.  Really, I am…  No.  You know what?  That’s a lie.  I’m not trying to understand how “hard” that it for you (no pun intended) because it’s just not MY problem.  It’s yours…same old problem as always.  And what skimpy get-up I wear to clean the house when it’s 115 freakin degrees outside is just NOT your BUSINESS, nor your CONCERN. No one even invited you IN the house…  And anyway, WHAT I WEAR has ZERO effect on the way our teenager dresses, you sexist ASS.  So, just shut your steak and mashed-potato hole…ok?  I don’t care how much money you leave on the table or deposit in my account or make a year.  I just don’t care.  You should know by now that material things don’t mean diddly squat to me.  You have no more rights than the bum sitting outside the liquor store (which I happen to frequent far more often now that we live in close proximity to YOU) to oogle me, criticize me, or comment on what I wear in PUBLIC, much less to clean my freakin house! 

I'm wearing this to clean next time...

Just shut it…just shut your too tiny for your face mouth already!  And don’t look at me with that tone of voice either. You lost that right to flap your lips or oogle your eyes in my direction years ago when I left our home with two children under the age of two.  Hear me?  LOST it….as in, NO LONGER have that right.

Our children are beautiful, well-adjusted, well mannered, intelligent, kind and compassionate souls.  They are most likely this way so much because YOU were so far away as I was raising them while you were busy making a success out of yourself in your career.  They stand up for themselves and don’t buckle to manipulation easily because they were raised by ME alone…and not in the home environment of our suppressing and spirit-murdering marriage.  They are individuals with their own fashion sense and a solid idea of right and wrong, as well as inherently beautiful hearts and morals, which DON’T include cheating, lying, controlling, or manipulation.  I left you, young, petrified, and with NOTHING so long ago because the choice between money, a husband, and marital status meant NOTHING to me when held up to the effect THAT kind of home life and poor example would have had on two little girls growing up watching the heinous and disrespectful way you treated their mother and women in general.  This was never a choice for me because I was not going to allow them to witness that debacle of a relationship and then grow up dating pompous, controlling, cheating, sexist assholes like you.  That was never going to happen and you really should have known my character well enough to know that it wasn’t going to.  And now… please understand that I did NOT raise two kids for ten years by myself, just to move here NOW so you could have a detrimental effect on their self-esteem during these critical and challenging years of their lives.  No.

If you choose to continue this manner of disrespect to me and continue to disrespect our daughters, their feelings, their struggles, their athletic abilities, what they wear, WHATEVER…I hope you will vividly recall just how it felt standing there watching us all walk out of your life and your world ten years ago… 

And remember those tears you had the day I agreed to move us here?  Well they weren’t nearly as painful or embarrassing as the one’s you’ll have when we leave if you don’t get your shit together and muster up a little respect and acceptance for all three of us.  Your wallet does NOT give you the right to criticize or hurt any one of us.

Don’t forget, I know exactly how to leave….I always know where the exits are and the emergency evacuation plan is folded up in my hand bag at all times.    I did it penniless, car-less, and devastated with two young children TEN years ago, so don’t you EVEN think for a moment that I can’t do it NOW…or that I wouldn’t. Oh, I will.  It will be inconvenient and difficult, yes…but that never stopped me before. And I’m not nearly the same pushover scaredy-cat spineless and innocent creature today that I was then…

How DID you snap this one???!

So pull your controlling, pompous head out of your ass and get over your sexual ideation of me that petrifies you that you might cheat on your girlfriend, whom I feel horribly sorry for by the way – I’m certain she has NO clue what exactly she’s in for with you yet, but that is thankfully, NOT my problem or concern any more either.  You won’t cheat on her or anyone with ME…I wouldn’t have it.  I don’t have any interest in you “that” way anymore.  NONE.  ZILCH.  ZERO.  Hell, at this point, I don’t even want to be your freakin friend anymore, much less your lover…secret or otherwise…ughh…  No. Ummm get over yourself.  Not every chick in a cute little skirt is wearing it merely because they want you, pal.  Trust me on that one.

You’ve been a surprisingly good father under the circumstances of the last ten years.  This is why I’ve given you my respect and ultimate consideration as a father and even as my ex-husband…and ultimately the only reason we agreed to move here at all.  You’ve earned that over the past ten years…so I suggest you be careful that you don’t lose it (again) now.  As you should know already from past experience, I won’t compromise what’s in the best interest of the life, health and livelihood of my daughters for ANY thing.  NOTHING is of value to me when it’s held up against that kind of damage to my children or their potential happiness in the future.  I’ve left and lost it ALL to preserve and protect that once, I WILL not hesitate to do it again, if I must.

I am shocked, disgusted, and disappointed in you to a level I’ve not reached in ten years.  YOUR adjustment to this is NOT all that matters….and certainly not what matters most here.  You gave up nothing for this and gained EVERY thing.  We gave up everything and so far have only gained the frustrating headache of dealing with a pompous, critical, controlling ass.

I will not hesitate to boil your noodle, throw my kids in the car, and haul our lives right back across the country if you don’t get a grip on this and SOON. 

get yourself a copy...

I really don’t want to have to slap you like a monkey…

 So, please and thank you already.

~K

Mr. Pushy


I’ve broadened the age limit in my profile by about 10 years in either direction of my age because:
1: I haven’t dated an older man since I was in high school, so I know nothing about those creatures.
2. I’m hearing  a lot lately about how MILF’s are the coolest up-n-coming thing…  
3. And anyway, who am I to age discriminate?

…Get a few messages from a guy about 5 years older than I. His profile looks fun, he looks active, intelligent, and he’s attractive enough to warrant a brief second glance. Okay….let’s see what this guy’s about…

A few rather generic but acceptable, email exchanges and we exchange numbers. We have one nice conversation and then the way more modern (and typically much preferred by me, I might add)texting begins. This continues for a few days… The guy seems pretty cool! I’m considering a real live meet-n-greet….

Until….one morning I’m in the middle of talking to all the fun utilities (electric, gas Internet, water, etc) people…getting everything started and in my name as is necessary when one first moves. I dread this, but it must be done… I’m spending most of my time on hold and answering ridiculously mundane questions and such. While in this process ,which takes almost an hour total (again…ughh…), Mr. Guy sends a few texts. I don’t answer them because I’m in the middle of something, thinking I’ll just text back when it’s all over…

When I’m finished, I read the texts which came in while I was busy and I find that within a matter of 20 minutes of no return text, Mr. Guy has transitioned into Mr. Sarcastically Shitty Rude! Are you kidding me?! He’s bored at the DMV and must think I’m the newly assigned Bored-at-the-DMV Entertainer, as though I owe him texts at all, much less within the boundaries of his time expectations demands. WTF?

Annoying… And the meet-n-greet idea wagon starts to slowly rumble off into the hot desert horizon…

Trying to withhold judgment, I politely explain why I didn’t text back immediately. I mean, maybe he was just overly frustrated with waiting at the DMV…and who hasn’t been at some point? It doesn’t necessarily have to mean he’s a jerk… right?

Issue 2: At my ex’s with the kids, enjoying a little family time with his extended fam. Yes, we all get along well and I’m so delighted and grateful that we do.
Text from Mr. Guy…. I respond telling him I’m spending a little time with my ex in-laws. He immediately responds with, “ How ‘civilized’”. Gawwwddd…. Well… My! My! My! This guy just gets more charming with every interaction.  After I wiped the oozing sarcasm which was dripping bitterly off my phone in order to respond to His Loveliness, I declined to respond at all. It just seemed too inappropriate to warrant an acknowledgement.  Anyway, I was raised that if I had nothing nice to say, the correct thing is to say nothing at all.  And, nothing it was…

So, several factors here are making me question his personality a little at this point. One, he seems a bit like a real jackass self-consumed and even perhaps a bit of a douche-bag self-inflated…. NOT so much what I’m interested in at this point in my life…ughhh…. But I’m still trying to think of the good things and possibilities and refrain from judging him entirely on these.  After all, they’re just texts- the tone of “voice” can be so easily misinterpreted and such…

Issue 3: Mr. Guy texts me last night, wanting to meet for a drink. Umm….I’m not in the mood for that right at the moment so, I say I’ll think about it and get back to him soon…until I realize he means in like, 45 minutes!!! I text him back jokingly (well, sorta joking…) referring to him as Mr. Last-Minute-Invite…and he responds by asking me if I’m “not a spontaneous type girl “. Ummmm…excuse me?  Oh kind, charming, obviously well-bred, and oh-so-considerate dude, let me help you out with a little etiquette lesson:  There is a vast difference between being a “spontaneous-type girl” and responding affirmatively to meeting a guy you’ve never met before at a last-minute invite which came in around 5 pm on a Saturday night. He then texts that he’s “driving and can’t text”, asking if I would call him? I think, “Okay…you bet…sure thing pal…”  Quite honestly though, I’m smack dab in the middle of a fun, flirty, and interesting text exchange with Mr. McHotstuff right at this very same time, so I’m going to finish up my current text and then politely call my pal as he requested and discuss this last-minute invite business… However, before I can even finish typing my current text, I get another text from Mr. OMG-YOU-ARE-SO-FREAKIN-PUSHY-SARCASTIC-AND-OBNOXIOUS-NOW-guy which simply says, “Um..Guess not.”   Huh???!!! Hey Your Rudeness….It’s been (literally) less than 30 freakin’ seconds since you even asked me to call you!  My GAAWD….is this guy for REAL??   It becomes crystal clear to me why this man is single!  Seriously dude, WTF?!    YOU.      ARE.      AN.      IDIOT.

STRIKE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! Another one out. I will never communicate with Mr. Pushy Obnoxiously-Self-Centered-and-Inappropriately-Sarcastic guy again.  I was so pretty much over this whole exchange with you anyway, but  now….No way!  It’s so clear why you are single!

…and another one bites the dust…