This definitely goes into the questions and advice category. I mean seriously, WTF?
After sitting next to cute TALL freckle guy at my TAM class last evening, I happened to be feeling a little less tall than usual, so I braved the rapids and checked my emails again last night. I have now had my fourth (FOURTH!) request to receive “pleasure” from some 20-ish guy looking just a bit too hot in his pictures. It’s unfortunate that I haven’t saved these other humanitarian offers to share verbatim, but I was simply too confused and befuddled by them at the time…
Hi, I’m (insert name). Please don’t be offended, but I get great enjoyment from giving pleasure to beautiful women. Would you be interested in that?
Another email (quoted here from memory only): I like giving oral. I don’t expect or want anything in return. I hope it doesn’t offend you if I ask if I can give you oral pleasure? It would require nothing on your behalf…except to enjoy yourself. Hope to hear back from you!
After four of these strange and random emails now total, I must reflect and ponder this. Umm…I look back at my photos…do I look uptight and stressed out in these pictures? Do I have an overly emphasized worry crease in my forehead? No. I don’t think so. I am smiling or laughing out loud (literally) in all of them! Hell, I’m the very epitome of a relaxed, sexually satisfied chick! Ummm….I think?
The strangest thing is these are the hottest guys who have written me at all! ALL four of them! In fact, I must say that the guys look so very “hot” in their photos that I’ve a really hard time believing the photos are authentic….and I just delete and move along. I’m fairly attractive, so it might not be a fair judgment, BUT when a guy looks a little LOT like Brad Pitt in Meet Joe Black or Thelma and Louise, I’m flattered to say the least, but I’m not buying it. I figure two possibilities. 1. That’s not their real picture at all or 2. They are some sort of sexual (or otherwise) deviant prowling the Internet for more victims with the mistaken opinion that any Internet dater must be desperate and/or stupid.
..and I think back to my brief BFF, April, whom I met on my first Internet date, who graphically told me about on your face guy. And I get scared. Yeah, I get super scared…and I delete immediately without much thought: DELETE. Am I too paranoid? Are these guys merely smoking hot hedonists of the selfless variety? Are they looking at my pictures thinking, Now there’s a nice girl, but she looks so stressed out…I won’t be able to sleep, eat or even go to the gym again until I help that woman! Maybe my paranoia is too hasty? I mean they could merely just be like me, and feel compelled to give back to society with their own individual “greatest gift”… My gift is compassion for the needy and advocation for victims of crime, perhaps these guys were merely blessed with other beautiful gifts to offer this world? Are they just beautiful souls overwhelmed with a desire to make this place a better world for us all? Are they Gandhi’s trapped in Brad Pitt-like faces and bodies? Who am I to judge these guys anyway…to derive them of their societal offerings of sheer, selfless pleasure-giving to this world just one random stressed out snatch at a time…?
(Disclaimer: I get an inordinate amount of pleasure by merely saying, writing, or thinking the word “snatch” at any given time…I don’t know why… It just makes me laugh!)
Men like that DO exist in a fair amount mass abundance on this planet, don’t they?
The first email like this I received; I responded naively(and truthfully) with something like: I’m not sure what you mean exactly? To be totally honest with you, I really don’t know if I should find offense to this or not… but thanks for writing and good luck to you! And said guy did write back with an explanation that basically reiterated his original email. “I like to give pleasure to women…yada..yada..yada..” Although it wasn’t rude or even crude at all per se, I deleted it immediately. Hmmm…I think I get it now….umm….GASP!
…because anyone who knows or understands me at ALL, knows that I am without a doubt and unarguably, way more of a Matt Damon kinda chick!! Psh!
Dear Matt, please know in advance, that should you ever feel any desire whatsoever to attempt to stimulate or satisfy me emotionally, mentally, sexually, or intellectually, in ANY way, shape, form (whatever) you might prefer…the answer is a resounding YES! YES! Ohhhhhhh YESSSSS! Love, Me