The Alice syndrome and other idiosyncracies

Yeah, I'm this awesome!Feel a teensy bit guilty that although I still receive five or more emails a day, I just don’t have any interest in any one of them!  Do I think I’m the cat’s a@@?  The bee’s knees?  The most precious,   fabulous, and unique flower in the garden?  The nutritional and so luscious carrot on a stick?  No….Well yeah, I kinda am the platypus’ shiny and fun bill…but that’s not even really it…

I’m fully aware that I’m far, far, far from perfection.  In fact, I’m so flawed; I’m a walking, living, breathing example of Wabi Sabi in action.  I know that in order for anyone to truly cherish me, he has to embrace the epitome of my quirkiness, adore my ability to continue working on my “issues”;

This qualifies as wabi sabi RIGHT?

put up with hard, random  hits of Mother Nature; value that I’m always a mother first; appreciate my poetic, lost-soul social butterfly and simultaneously philosophical-loner nature;  enjoy my occasional sexually deviant curiosity; lovingly kiss the scars I bear from being a horrendously horrifying driver;  strongly desire to make-out passionately with my sporadic anxieties; crave having mad passionate sex with my exasperating phobia of commitment and abhorrence of categorization; and hold sweaty hands with the needy child in me. Gosh, isn’t that all just charming?  And to think, I’m sure we all have wondered just why such an utterly delightful creature of perfection as I am is divorced and single?

just hold it and hush!

ummm..am i tall or is it just me?

Add to the mix here, that it’s just that I feel tall.  I know I’m not really that tall…no, actually I’m probably about only slightly above average height by today’s standards, but I feel tall.  I always have had this affliction.  Maybe it stems way back from the awkward pre-teen era when I was already 5’7” and every other child in my entire school, male OR female, was maybe 5’2”… or less.  I hated it!  I towered over everyone, including my own family:  my mother, my older sister, almost eye-to-eye with my dad even (I’ve never been exactly sure whom or what family I really belong to)!  I felt tall….I truly was tall…

…and I still feel so tall.  I can’t know if the majority of single male online daters out there are under 5’8”, but what I’m realizing it either that’s the case or I’m a magnet to the shorter daters.  Out of the 15 incoming emails I read yesterday, only two were over 5’9.  Okay, so we have two…  Of those two, neither do I find at all physically appealing.  So now I not only feel tall, but I feel distinctly discriminating, judgmental, and superficial as well.  And those are not characteristics I would ever pride myself in.  In fact, I’d typically deny they exist anywhere in me…and even feel confident in that denial…until I browse my incoming dating-interest emails and I’m like ….too short…too short..wayy too short…ummm just no….and too short..too short..ummm…another no just because.

I’m flattered that any of these people even bother to respond to me, please don’t misunderstand, but this is becoming the repetitive theme going on here every time I check my dating emails…and quite frankly, it makes me feel bad, tall, guilty, tall, a plethora of other traits  I don’t respect or admire, and tall

Wanna be friends?

One would think that since I’m not really in the market for a husband or even steady boyfriend, that these things wouldn’t matter much.  Obviously in potential friends, they don’t.  However, ultimately, I can’t pretend that on a dating site many (any?) of these potential suitors are just so taken by my fabulous friend qualities that they feel totally compelled to befriend me. OMG…she is awesome!  I gotta be her new BFF!!!

…umm….I WISH, but even I’M not so optimistic as to entertain such silly Polly-Anna notions or I might get away with claiming I still believe in Santa and the Easter bunny as well.  Thus, I’d feel every bit  as guilty going out for dinner and drinks or coffee with them as I do ignoring their emails or sending a thanks, but no thanks response (which I confess, I’m doing less and less of these days), knowing I have a friends-only intention.   Ahhh the dilemmas!

I could exercise my inner bitch that lives under a pile of guilt, do a more interesting play-by-play of my most recent responses and   get a good giggle or two from that, but I actually feel too guilty.  I suppose that as long as there are a few (or any?!) responses interesting enough to at least communicate with, it somehow makes me feel like less of a raging superficial bitch to poke fun at the others.  However, that’s just not the case….but if I quiet down my overactive guilty conscience any time soon, I plan on still writing and laughing about these comical emails…geesh… What??  Everyone needs a giggle-chortle-snortle every now and then!  Right?

Onto the other not so prospective prospects updates and otherwise:

Word Man has informed me via FB email that he deleted his dating profile and is very much looking forward to our Scrabble re-match.  Oooooohh I do LOVE Scrabble….  WAIT! WHAT?!  What’s UP with these guys anyway?  I’m starting to get a complex here…   That’s two meet-n-deletes that I know of.

M…ahhhh Mr. M….  I have a confession to make with that too.  Yes, I do like M.  And without a doubt, even like him the best by far of all my dates and prospects even…  but that is a truly relative and honest disclosure in this particular situation.  I think I raise his likeability “status” because it’s merely an “in comparison” attraction (mayyyybe slightly higher-but that’s admittedly minimal) there.  Yes, I am interested in seeing him, do think he’s a fun date and good guy, but there’s really just not all that much there for me.  Not as much as I’d like to convince myself there is…  Crushing is so fun!! I like him well enough to date him and even enough to have sex with him sometimes – now and then, but I must tell you, it’s a just barely-above-mediocre-feeling at best.  It’s far too little to be a blow-out relationship, way too mediocre to even qualify into a mad, passionate sheerly sexual affair…and sadly,  probably just enough to be too much for the friends-thing.  Ugh!

Argh..the dating dilemmas and doldrums…

Off to my world...

No more email reading for me for a bit…  I think I’ll just go swim naked, re-do my toenail, polish, take two Excedrin, and overdose on some rainbows, butterflies and unicorns!

13 responses to “The Alice syndrome and other idiosyncracies

  1. uh oh, sure sounds like you are about to opt out of the online dating thing. You sound about like I did towards the end, then I did it on and off for a few more weeks before finally just cutting the cord. I am not tall either, in fact, I’m shorter than you, and yet I couldn’t find a guy online to save my life that wasn’t short! And if they say they are under 5’10”, you need to subtract 2 inches from what they claim! Then put yourself in heels and imagine the date! I’m just not comfortable with it. I know it’s vain, it’s wrong, whatever, I don’t care, I want to feel like a man can protect me, I want to feel safe, shorter than me doesn’t do that for me.

    *le sigh*…. when will we find our prince charmings?

    • V, I’m 5’8 and I like to wear heels too…I just can’t get past the awkward feeling w/ a guy shorter than I either! It’s just not all neatly aligned and whatnot when you…when you…DANCE!

      You’re at least lucky you have a few more inches of leeway on that than I tho..ughh

  2. Good thing I’m only 5’2, cause only little people are shorter than me! But, even as little as I am, I still find that more and more I am able to look guys in the eye without having to crane my neck (I suppose that the platform heels might have something to do with it). I’m always looking around the subway, (wearing flats for commuting), where it’s easy to look around and assess men’s height, and wonder where all the tall men have gone.

    • Amy! at 5’2, you’re so tiny, most everyone is taller than you!!! You have a huge “acceptable” height range..you can throw on some heels and DANCE with the tallest of em or go w/flats and be open to the possibilties! Lucky you!!! …I can’t “shorten up” for anything 😉

  3. Check out this article.

    http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2010/08/22/data_mining_the_heart/

    Interesting stuff, also Vendetta above was actually spot on with the height thing.

    “The blog has also uncovered some intriguing trends about lying: In their online profiles, for instance, all users add an average of two inches to their height and a 20 percent raise in salary.”

    • That WAS really interesting Neo! It gives me an idea…if I add 2 inches on my height for my profile then maybe I’ll draw responses from guys @ least my height?!
      I actually might try that and see what happens!

      • Go for it, I’m going to be having more posts about online dating soon, I have noticed a trend, if I message a girl who is 5’10 or above I almost always get a response. It’s tough for really tall girls to find tall guys I guess.

  4. 1. Lay off short guys. Most of us have wonderful personalities and careers because we have to develop skills pretend we are normal despite our freakish dwarf-like appearance. Now, when I tell you that I am 5’7″ you re going to think I am 5’5″ because of Neo.

    2. Butterfies and rainbows are only going to attract seven year old girls, the police and then a restraining order.

    • Elec…I sure hope I’ve not offended youtwice already? 😉
      I love the short man…got no complaints…except for dating… and I *wish* I could make that go away! I’ve no doubt I’ve passed up some terrific guys with incredible talents along my Alice Syndrome path of limitation and freakish like gigantism!
      2. At 5’5, aren’t you a little too big to be picking on 7 year-old girls and their love of rainbows and butterflies?? Geesh!

  5. lmao! So… mr. electritian… you and me are the same height… ? I guess I should claim 5’7″ as well, or is that a guy thing to add 2 inches to height and 4″… somewhere else? lol… I kid, I kid.

    I happen to like butterflies and rainbows AND don’t forget the unicorns! oh.. and vampires, but we’ll skip my current fascination/preoccupation for this post. move along, nothing to see here.

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