Umm…about the manscaping…

Here I am!

While usually my favorite part of blogging is that I can throw the F-bomb out when ever I want to… while simultaneously maintaining my lady-like good breeding.  I must declare that today my favorite part of blogging is my (nearly) absolute anonymity.  I’m quite grateful today that I’ve not shared the existence of this blog with anyone in my daily life…

Yesterday, M and I had a variable version of “the talk”. I’m all a-tizzy; succinctly ambivalent and confused in my head about this. My thoughts, feelings, and position on our talk remain decidedly unclear, as I jump back-n-forth over the fence like a wild-eyed billy-goat on hallucinogens.

Throughout the day, we texted about random mundane topics.  I was enjoying this little bit of extra attention from M when he mentioned something that not only caught me off guard totally, but hit me in the taboo-ish area as well.  I’ve lived a fairly sheltered life in many ways.  Because of that, I am slightly challenged with certain topics which really just aren’t (or at least shouldn’t be) a big deal.  So, when M shoots this text about manscaping, I’m embarrassed to the point that I’m certain my face turned various shades of hot reddish-pink immediately upon reading it.

M: since ur the only person seeing that part right now  do u prefer shaved?

Ummm……. The fact that I’m a grown woman, who’s been married, has two children, and has been sexually active for awhile now makes my embarrassment itself embarrassing.  I’m beyond embarrassed….I feel awwwwwkwarrrrrdddd. 

13 again...

WTF?  Am I a 13 year old girl all over  again?  This is ridiculous!  There’s nothing wrong with this conversation.  It’s merely considerate and open…  I’m an adult, right?  I like considerate and open.  I should not be blushing like an teenager in reproductive health class, sitting next to the boy she has a crush on!  C’MON….this is just silly!  However, to compound my embarrassment, I am a grown woman who really does not know her answer to this.  Truly, my manscaping preferences fluctuate depending on the person, the activity, the moment, the day of the week, the moon cycle, etc, etc, etc.  I really just do not know the answer to this question. And that’s absurd, so I try to take the safe-but-honest route in my slow response:

This one is nice...

Me: I’m ok w/whatev actually…I’m free spirited n pretty laid back overall so whatev makes u feel sexiest is gr8 by me! Thx 4 askin tho…super nice 2know I’m the only one seeing that right now :):)

I mean gosh, it is nice to be considered in these matters and certainly I’m appreciating that I’m the only one at this time who’s seeing the private manscaping!  I’m also delighted that this was broached  via text too so my pre-pubescent awkwardness, embarrassment, and indecision were not at all apparent.  I mean I CAN text and stutter still…. Don’t even doubt that…but I didn’t…  I answered this one appropriately and as honestly as I’m able given my random and fluctuating stance on the issue!  Yayyy me!!  However, I’m still in the process of recovering from this awkward-to-me topic when M hurls this little wrench at me:

M: just to let u know I have a rule I don’t sleep with 2 at the same time.  And if u do or I do we can just be honest n tell each other

Me again...

Okay…of course….I mean…

What?  WHAT??  WHY does this feel uncomfortable for me as well?  Hell, I’m not good or experienced at even dating two guys within the same time frame, much less being sexually active with two!  And I certainly would have been honest with M if that had happened anyway or even if I had just wanted such a thing to happen.  This doesn’t change anything really, right?  This is my unspoken creed for myself anyway.  Openly saying it hasn’t switched what it is up at all!  Well okay, maybe I wouldn’t have actually told M…I really don’t know….but if I had chosen to have sex with someone else, I’d either have told him or simply ceased having sex with him at all…  The odds of me being comfortable having or even wanting to have sex with another while I’m engaging in this kind of thing with him are astronomical at best.  It’s never happened before and I simply can’t imagine it would start now.  I respond:

Me: ok. Thx 4tellin me…I don’t either so that’s good…n I would tell u if I did…

An honest depiction of the scene of my last "agreement", just with extra clothing here

It’s good to put this “out there” openly and honestly, right?  It’s distinctly different than my last “talk” of this nature, where my ex boyfriend and I confessed our undying love for one another and that even the mere thought of either of us having sex with another person or dating anyone else was just unthinkably horrifying and repulsive.  We didn’t discuss manscaping or anything, but then I think that would have been totally unnecessary in that particular situation, as the two of us could hardly cease our sexual activity long enough to have even that brief undying love and commitment talk.  In fact, we were still sweaty and naked on his living room floor when we did… we were clearly all good, settled, and most content with the landscaping issues already. 

Do I *really* have to sign this?

So, this is definitely different, but in a good way…  It safely covers the same respectful concept and is merely a responsible and mature agreement that I would have adhered to in my own method even without it ever being openly discussed.   So why did I feel like a deer-in-headlights, with my immediate trigger-response being to drop my phone and flee the scene the moment I read the text?  Again, it’s not like this wasn’t going to be my natural stance on this anyway!  Why did it twist my insides around like a dog playing ferociously with a rag doll?

…Maybe for once in my life, I just wanted to refrain from making any promises of any kind, regardless of whether I was going to hold to such things anyway?    Like, so yeah, I admit the odds of me breaking this agreement (even were it NOT spoken) are slim-to-none…but maybe…just mayyybeeee I might have wanted to at some point this time, without having had to break an actual commitment by doing so.  The more I think about it, the more I think if I had chosen to break this “unspoken” before it was spoken, I probably would have simply ceased all sexual activity with M as a result…and felt rather free and clear in doing so too.  But, this changes nothing in theory.  I have all the same freedoms as I had before, right?  I am still totally free to have sex with anyone I choose.  This does not inhibit my actual choices.  It just commits me to sharing my choice openly and honestly with M.  So……WHY does it now feel different?

And why…  As I was driving over to M’s last night, why did thoughts race through my head of having another “talk” with M?  A talk in which I explain to him that I’ve reflected and re-thought this whole thing; that I’m just not interested in commitments or promises or agreements right now even if  I would have kept to them anyway; and that I really think it best we just don’t see each other anymore. Big hug.  Kiss on the cheek.  And ta-ta,  my friend…  Yeah, I really did have this conversation out loud, alone in my car, on the way over there last night.  Had the whole thing planned out…

...Clearly Not having *that* talk

And then I got there… and we just talked and laughed about general stuff.  I said nothing about my car-conversation-thoughts.  I had one delicious glass of my favorite yummy wine, snuggled with him on the sofa,  and left two hours later – sans any sexual activity… he didn’t push that either and thankfully,  he knew before I arrived that I wouldn’t be able to stay for long, so there were no issues or challenges.  We just had fun as usual.  I was glad and relieved because somehow to have had sex with him last night or even just to have spent the night there with him, after the manscaping talk, would have somehow felt like it really sealed the deal.

I am Jill's confused brain

…and that might not be so good right now because I just do not know how I feel about the deal…  It’s as deeply confusing to me as my manscaping preferences!

27 responses to “Umm…about the manscaping…

  1. Shaving the swimsuit area on a guy is just wrong for many a reason.
    First: If the guy isn’t a closet homosexual, he will not keep up maintenance on his “manscaping” which in turn will chaff, get itchy, and if you have sexual relations in the 5 oclock shadow time of his Cock beard. You will regret it.
    Second: No real man would trust sharp objects near his twig an berries even if he is the one using it.
    Thirdly: This isn’t a fricken porno. If you allow him to shave off all his hair he spent the teen years of his life growing out he will then expect to squazz on your face when he is finished and it be ok to film this with or without your consent.

    I could go on.
    I’m not saying a man shouldn’t keep it tidy down there. But shaving it all off is retarded.

  2. I am seriously LMAO at what RyanH said! And I kinda agree… shave it all off? That would look kinda… weird…. Kinda like when I get a brazilian and she gets a little overzealous and I come out of there looking like I did when I was 10, except bigger. It just looks wrong, not sexy. Manscaping, grooming is great, but total hair removal just looks strange to me. Maybe it’s generational, is this what all the younger folks are doing now? I hear a lot of talk about it, so it has to be the “it” thing or something. Why does hair = dirty? I have hair on my head that I wash every day and no one considers it dirty.

    I watched a thing last night on showtime about the ratings system and how the x rated film Last Tango in Paris in the 70’s was rated x. Because it showed her pubes. Then they showed the scene! OMG! Chick was au’natural! It’s funny how things change with the times. Maybe some day it will be in fashion to have hair coming out the sides of your bikini, man, that would make my lazy ass so happy, not to mention save the pain of having a crazy woman rip my pubes out once a month! 🙂

    • I hate to be overly hairy down *there* so I’m not sure even if it was in “vogue” if I could tolerate much of that….but LOL@ the overzealous brazillians..ughh…all swollen and red like a newborn’s…happened 2 me once too….ummm… thank you!
      I’m w/ u on the manscape thing too….my ex once asked me if I liked it shaven, I said no because that hair is manly IMO as long as it’s not just messy..OR (EEK!) “dirty”…After contemplating it yesterday, I think I’m ok w/ whatever they feel sexiest with although I’d prefer there be some hair so I don’t feel like Mary Kay Letourneau…yuk!

      • you know? you tell her leave a landing strip, what does she do? leaves a 1/2 inch square… uh… not a strip lady! I look retarded, just take the stupid square too, might as well at this point! Geez, I just didn’t want to worry about a beach vacation for 10 days. Never goin back to that psycho again! Although, I do give her credit for not bruising me or making it too painful, she was very skilled, just a little overzealous, I don’t like looking like a child!

      • “psycho” Brazillian do-er lady….hahahahahh 🙂

  3. I don’t date single moms. There is a reason why the are single moms. I run away. Every other guy should too.

    • I concur with “Bless your heart” but K knows what that means to me. What a douchebag and a half. I guess some people have NO life. Sad for them, well, not really, haha.

      • takes all kinds…huh V? “Steve” most likely has a secret burning desire to purchase my urine at an unreasonably high price…in fact, I’m fairly sure he emailed me just earlier today requesting said urine…. 😉

  4. Wow “Steve”’re just not afraid to throw your pathetic ignorance right OUT there are you?
    1. I don’t see anyone here asking you out OR interested in dating you…you’re obviously ignorant and mental…aww…
    2. Yes, there are *many* reasons there are “single moms”..the same reasons many women (AND men) WITH and w/o children are divorced also… umm..approximately half of men and women are divorced…Is there something “wrong” w/ half of the entire population too?
    …And yet, instead of “running away” from even just my blog, you felt the compelling desire to post a comment…? Very interesting…and rather amusing…you should have been “running” right along to the other blogs where you want to post cowardly, useless comments 🙂
    I’m sorry you have issues… It’s also *very* clear why YOU are single and I have serious doubts as to whether anyone (single moms or otherwise) would even want to have sex w/ you, much less reproduce with you. Bless your heart. You clearly need some professional help. Good luck w/ that!
    Oh…I see that you created a nonsense email ID merely to be able to post a cowardly response on the blog of a divorced woman and single mother….hehe..yeah, my initial assessment was a bit off…you’re probably beyond help. I’m sorry for your bad luck. Must really suck to be poor, ignorant, cowardly schmuck! Good luck growing some balls, pal 🙂

    • Be proud, KP.

      You know your blog’s made the big time when you get your first troll! 🙂

      • Ohhh! Is that what an insulting and cowardly comment really means in blog-land? Gosh, now I feel badly that I couldn’t muster up something kind to say in return for that lovely compliment he freely gave!! Bless his sweet lil heart 🙂
        Dannnggg’re now officially the equivalent of sunshine and rainbows in my blog-world you know?!!! ♥xo♥

      • Pft, whatever. Let me know when I’m your lollipop. 😉

      • Hehe…Okay Dennis you can be my lollipop too…but it has to be a rainbow one…LOLY Pictures, Images and Photos
        …or @ least in the shape of a unicorn 😉 WOW! that’s a BIG lollipop!

      • WOW! that’s a BIG lollipop!

        Yup, yup. That’s what every guy loves to hear.

        But, ya know, if it’s a rainbow lollipop, I don’t think it’s gonna do you any good (assuming you’re a woman, that is). 😉

  5. I prefer single moms 8 outta 10 times. They usually have their shit straight by now. And you already know they put out.

    Hey mother want another? – best line ever.

  6. I had this exact conversation with a guy earlier this summer, and had almost the same reaction. What is my preference for your, errr, manscaping (by the way, a great Entourage snippet about 2 weeks ago about this topic as well)? I honestly am put off by the fact that I should even HAVE a preference. There are some things in life that I just want the guy I am dating to able to handle on their own, you know? Like their manscaping and the dishes.

    • “I honestly am put off by the fact that I should even HAVE a preference.”
      Aphrodite…I’m SOOOOOOO w/u on that…my sentiments EXACTLY…appreciate the consideration, but umm… can take care of that…please and thank you already 🙂

  7. I feel a bit awkward that this is the first post of your I am reading. I’ll start from another place as to not be too embarrassed.

  8. gosh….what does it say about me that I’m actually delighted that anything *I* might have to post could possibly embarrass someone?! It can’t be good 😉 Glad, though, to learn that I’m not the only person who feels awkward @ the manscaping topic…I really thought I was being rather childish!
    Hey time should we hold hands first…before we jump into the manscaping posts? …And thanks for reading….I ♥ ur blog!

  9. I have no problem talking about other people’s “bits.” Things are different when it comes to mine. I put you in my Google Reader and will keep an eye on you. If you stick around my neck of the woods, please know that I will offend you at some point. All of the “airline food” and “missing sock” jokes have been taken.

    • Awesome!! I added you to my blogroll bc your blog is just a BLAST!! (Confession: I really don’t know what Google Reader is yet) About offending me…’re forgiven in advance, I can usually take a joke even if it makes a Selena butt out of me 🙂
      However, I hope you’ll steer a little clear of the single mother sweeping insults… those, I don’t take well 😉

  10. keepingitrealembassy

    I still can’t believe its conversation? Why? As long as you can get it up, who cares if you have hair or not? That’s between you and your cock, if you feel risky. These men now days, I swear. What happened to surprising me? What? maybe next you and he will talk about how many times he needs to have a bowel moment. J/K, lol. Seriously, as long as you keep yourself clean, and no STDs are anywhere, who cares? You should ask him if he waxes anywhere else??? LMAO

  11. Loooool! I definitely had this conversation with someone over the weekend! I think we are living the same life in two very different areas. Personally, manscaping is a MUST. I personally take quite a bit of effort to make sure I am clean and tidy, and the guy must do the same. I blush a bit talking about it too, but honestly, if it looks like a pornstar shave then well… at least it’s memorable?

  12. Trimming the hedges or shrubs is always good hygiene but total shaving is something I would only do (and have done) for someone whom I am really into. Funky or frowsy is not the words I would like to hear when a lady friend wanders down yonder. Not a topic of discussion unless it is pillow talk or just flat out phone sex.

    KayDee, single Moms are a wonderful people mainly cause they are down to earth and to the point. 🙂

  13. Haha E…@ “funky or Frowsy..when a ladyfriend wanders down yonder”…nahhh..I suppose those would *not* be the best phrases to hear @ that special moment!! I dunno about the pillow talk or phone sex thing for “that” conversation tho…I’d have been giggling and blushing way too much to even discuss it!!
    …and thanks re: the single mom stuff 🙂 I see you ran into my buddy Stevie here’s lovely comment? Particularly offensive since it was being married 2 someone like him @ one time IS the very reason I’m now a single mom….I know Stevie’s just mad crushing on me though 😉 E, you’re a true gem, my friend..xo

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