Yes, I enjoy Whacking-the-Mole…

Wow..umm…M really surprised me last night..caught me off guard…rattled my cage….

I don't know this boy...but I envy him

I am smack-dab in the middle of a ton of suppressed dating worries…successfully keeping them just outta reach…  Those traditionally ridiculous thoughts and concerns that as a female, seem to be far too prominent and actually don’t mean anything at all, aside from excessive, ridiculous worries.  It starts with that strange feeling I get about M…those wonderings which have no real purpose or validity…those things which just annoy me that I’m even thinking about them, much less allowing any kind of worry to settle in…  It’s an absurd thought process and I’m annoyed with myself about them, so I refuse to allow them to get above the surface.  I play that Whack-A-Mole (Clobber- A-Hedgehog? Pound-the-Groundhog? ) carnival game with these.  The very moment they creep up even just a bit, I BASH them mercilessly over the head, knocking them back down into the “Ridiculous Thoughts I’m Not Even Going To Acknowledge” hole of oblivion…and I skip along my merry way onto the My Frog’s Gonna Kick Your Frog’s Ass (na-na-na-na-boo-boo)Water Races!

A few of these moles I’ve bashed since my lovely evening with M just this Friday past are: 

Why doesn’t he ask me on another date before the last one is over?  Why have I never gone out with him on a Saturday night (Saturday night has always been considered “date night” in my little part of the world)?  What in THE hell was he doing last Saturday night anyway?  Why am I thinking of these questions?   Why would they even matter?  Do I really care about the answers?  Or (and gawwwdd forbid!) do I just have to worry about something…all the time?

(I beg of you to bear with me through this, my ex husband has made my life a living hell recently and quite honestly, I’d rather think/worry about ANY thing except the nagging-like-a- dog-at-my-ankles sneaking suspicion that moving my family across the effin’ country was perhaps, NOT the right choice!?  UGH…boohoo…fear!…panic!…etc, etc. etc…)

So Saturday, I go on the dating site to look at M’s profile and see where I must have missed the “married and seeking” status, the former “serial killer” checkbox, or the “three-four-five-some’s are my favorite activity ever!” proclamation.  …or maybe it was just to peek through his photos again and get in tune with my inner psychic knowing?  …hell, I don’t know..whatever…I was on there to (double and triple) check him out, right?  And LO and BEHOLD:  

 
 

WTF?

His profile has been deleted! 

Yeah, that’s right.  DEEEEEEEEEE—LEEEEETEDDDDDDDD!

WTF?  Seriously?  Umm…what does that even mean?  Why did I come here to check this?  I don’t want this information right now.  I don’t want to think of these possibilities…umm…I can’t even imagine the possibilities…

Did his wife over in Paris/Russia/Indonesia discover his dating profile?  Did he meet his 5-girl harem quota? Am I considered #5?  Did he have a date tonight (it IS Saturday after all!) who qualified in every category he could hope for?  Did he find the perfect S&M dominatrix to kick his ass?  

What. The. Fuck.?? (yeah, I just typed the f-word out loud there…that’s what I LOVE about blogging best so far…didn’t you know…I can say the f-word without ever even having that word come out of my mouth!!  Yayyyy blogging!)

Hmm….no word from M Saturday or Sunday.  I’m okay with that.  I like my personal space…yeah, even on Saturday night. Yesterday around 5 PM I get this text from M:

M: Hi <Kay> if ur free Thursday maybe we can see a movie

Me(a few hours later): That sounds great!  What do u want 2c?

M:I’m open.  Whatever you want.

Me: Ur awesome.  I really wanna see Inception or The Other Guys… u can choose from those 2 if u want…

M: Inception

I don’t respond to this.  It’s already been decided at this point, right?  It’s perfect!  Embarrassing disclaimer insert: Not to mention, I’m dealing with ex-husband CRAP I haven’t had to deal with in 10 freakin’ years!  Know something I’ve prided my self on for years now? NO ex-husband drama…NONE.  So between you and me, I’m bawling here actually…and that’s  mixed up with just a bit of swearing under my breath in the shower to calm my sobbing- pissed- off-, frustrated-to-tears self down.  FYI: I’ll deny this to my death though, should you ever try to accuse me to my face.  Understood?  Good

Psh...NO..these aren't MINE!

M(a few hours later: thankfully after my “moment” and my soothing trying-to-get-back-to-my-happy-place-shower):  ok?

Me: Perfect

M: What ru up to?

Me: Just dealing w/stupid drama n kinda wishin I could just get drunk or run far away instead…oops is that tmi? What ru doing? Wanna sneak off n drink something stupid w/me later?(ohhh gawwwdd…did I really text that?  REALLY?)

M: I’m in bed.  What drama?

Me(back peddling/recovering/etc/etc): I’m kiddin.   The x is just actin stupid.  No big really. Just haven’t seen or dealt w/this n 10 years n I’m just outta practice.  Its all good.  How was ur day?

M:  tired.  Wish u were n bed w/me.   Night.

Me: me too. That would be so nice…but hoorayyyy 4 Thursday……night 🙂

M: Yes.  Miss you.

WHAT?  Re-check, re-read, rub eyes…….cough…cough…ponder my response in a mild state of panic…a nice panic w/ a bit of “awwww the little butterflies”….but also with some “WTF do I say to THAT?”  panic too.

Me: 🙂 🙂 🙂  (Ummm…was this response too obvious that I’m at a total loss here?)

Then, after a few minutes of thinking, gasping for air, and mind racing all over the damned place at the  speed of light and frantic disorientation…

Me (2nd recovery in one text-servation):  miss u2.  Sweet dreams.  

Looking forward to Thursday….  All discombobulated….  And  I just might make a voodoo doll out of whole wheat penne pasta of my ex-husband. 

Can you see the resemblance?

And then OVER boil it…I’m talking to mush here.  Yeah…..it’s floppy McFlopster all. the. way. for you pal…..yeah… I may not be crazy enough to boil your rabbit, but I’ll sure as HELL boil your noodle!

11 responses to “Yes, I enjoy Whacking-the-Mole…

  1. beyondthedepths

    I’m breathless from reading your post. You express emotion really well…I can feel it.

    It sounds like he deleted his profile so he could pursue someone special…you. I can see him over the weekend thinking to himself…don’t contact her too soon…don’t appear over-eager…

    Can’t wait for the next update… 🙂

    FD

    • FD (btw, I’m claiming “FD” stands for “Friend Deluxe” bc you, my friend, are the whole-friend-enchilada!♥)…
      thank you! Although for your sake, I hope you didn’t get the pounding headache, choking back the tears sensation too?! This blog was intended to be fun and light, so I hate when I get into the dark side..ughh..but I’m also delighting that I at least *have* a place to openly express my fears and tears right now…bc truly, I’m totally and completely, literally and figuratively w/o friends, family, support, etc, etc, right now….and it’s pretty tough:(
      …except HERE!! Yayyyyy 🙂
      ♥xo♥

  2. oh my…. girl, idk what to say, it’s just weird… I mean, in bed, on a Sat. night AND didn’t ask you out… ummm… come again? I forget, how old is this guy? It just seems off for him to keep choosing to stay home and sleep on the weekends and then want to go out on weeknights with you.

    Then deleting his profile? I guess maybe he decided he didn’t like the online dating thing, like me, and it had nothing to do with one particular person. Or… he got caught? idk… I think it would drive me crazy to wonder and I’d have to ask… but then, I run from guys like this with ANY mystery. Maybe I’m a little gunshy though… 😉

    • I know!!! WTF?! He didn’t text or call me Saturday or Sunday at all though…so this text-servation was yesterday evening/last night(Monday), so I understood why he was in bed already. He’s mid 40’s I think…?
      I don’t quite get it either… I think he’s been “online dating” for awhile though(a year or more?), so I can’t imagine why he’d suddenly decide he didn’t like it..gosh, I hope I wasn’t THAT bad in bed!!! Hehe 😉
      The mystery intrigues me…and frustrates me…and worries me..and scares me… (YOU know this better than anyone already tho…hehe)…and it somehow gives me a safe place to breathe too…which I really like…ahhh..I’m such a contradiction…ughh

  3. First off, I totally whack-a-mole thoughts in my head too, what a great way of putting it. Secondly, Sunday is now NFL Day for most men so it’s basically a write-off for any kind of normal conversation unless it involves sports. Third, maybe he deleted his profile because he’s content with you and having a hard time keeping up with work and yourself.. and maybe another woman. But I’m assuming you two haven’t talked exclusivity.

  4. Hoooray Goldie!!! yes…NFL is back…good call 🙂 Maybe M does have a few different girls he dates regularly and that’s enough for him? No…no “exclusive talks”… I wouldn’t even know where to begin on that one right now or how I’d feel about it either! hehe..;-)
    Which reminds me…I need to check in on your blog and see how it’s going!! …off for a peek….

  5. Okay, I’m gonna have to work “pound the groundhog” into a blog post at some point. Of course, I’ll be using it as a clever euphemism for… oh, take one guess. 😉

    I am sorry to hear that you had a rough day. Hopefully, this won’t sound to harsh, but … it does seem like he’s not quite ready to be your confidant yet. So, if I may presume to offer a suggestion… I wouldn’t recommend telling him about your drama (or even mentioning it) quite yet.

    I remember dating this girl a few years back whom I met through Match. After about three dates, she started texting me stuff like, “had a rough day at work, could use some snuggle time.”

    I have to admit, it kinda threw me for a loop. Whether or not she meant it as such, I felt like she was trying to move into “relationship territory,” and I was still casually dating her.

    And yes, I know it makes me sound like a callous jerk.

    Anyway, for what it’s worth….

  6. Dennis!!! You so make me laugh 🙂 Did I get carried away with my carnival games descriptions? Psh..as though ANY one doesn’t know Whack-A-Mole/Pound-The-Groundhog?
    I think I’ve become more in tune w/my testosterone levels or something lately…I so get what you’re saying (noo..not about the groundhog pounding thing…ummm? 😉 ) and I agree w/you… The Lingerer kept/continues trying to tell me his “issues” (and whoaaaaa buddy sounds like some issues!) and instead of my usual compassion, I just kinda felt like ummmm..”TMI @ this point pal”. I really don’t even *want* to discuss these things w/ dates either…I was just caught off guard, in a moment of weakness! Never thought of it as “relationship territory”, although I get that perspective too. I do feel that the nice thing about dating early on is that it should be (stay) just fun and light, not heavy n serious like relationships sometimes get later…ugh… So, I don’t blame you for feeling this way..and ty for your valuable man-perspective!!
    Now, I’m lookin forward to your man-version of Pound The Groundhog!
    xo

  7. I always, ALWAYS read into text messages too much! I am horrible about it. But I think the fact he misses you is a good thing! Just let it go where it may. The exclusive talk, if it is warranted, will come in good time. Remember you are still free to look (in my opinion), but enjoy what you have for the time being!!

  8. Isn’t the dating world just strange? You’re lucky enough to finally find a man you vibe with and now you have to worry/scrutinize/interpret the things he says! It’s like regressing back to junior high!! You are valid in every one of your concerns (SAT date night, not getting a next date while on the date, deleted profile?!!! etc etc) but, the simplest and easiest way to tell if a guy likes you is if he SHOWS it. So continue to be your fabulous self… if he gives you more signals, (and you feel the same way) return them… if not- don’t. Dating is like a strange archaic mating ritual, where some things are done in a process… if you really like M, (and it seems like you do :D) see what he does. If he wants to be with you, spend time with you, he will. His actions will speak for his feelings. He may simply be used to saying sweet nothings like “i miss you” or he could mean them, only time will tell.

    I’ve been through my fair share of online dating and can tell you a few good stories or two…. LOL! But the lure of the dating process is not knowing what could be… that just takes time… so enjoy your freedom, your girls, and have fun while you’re at it!

  9. I really like the wack-a-mole analogy. These thoughts creep into my head, and I just let them sort of live there. Swim around. See what happens. Your method is much smarter, more adjusted. I envy you and I’m taking notes!!

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