Crazy-psycho-stalker…blah, blah, blah

Listen up people… 

This is truly a "crazy" person

Crazy: is not a scientific term, but a label of sorts often currently used to describe the severely mentally ill.  It is extremely subjective and actually has no definitive set of characteristics.  Crazy is (usually) in the eye of the beholder.  Which means that one person’s “crazy” is another person’s “OMG…that’s so adorably romantic” or “Hahahaha…that is hysterically funny”.

For example:  a guy (or girl…whatever) sends you a dozen roses every day for a week.  If you’re into this guy, that’s so sweet and charming.  If you’re not interested in him/her, you might consider it crazy.  Unless this person is absolutely and unquestionably aware that you have zero interest and never will be interested, then it’s not crazy.  And really, it’s not “crazy” even then, right?  I mean, this could be a man’s attempt at wooing you, in which case, kudos to him and sorry for his bad luck if you’re just not interested.  We should feel sorry for that poor, desperate schmuck trying so hard…   Meanwhile you’re probably the same person who wonders incessantly why there’s not “more romance in the world” (i.e: sweet gestures from the people in whom you are interested).

Psycho is a shortened version of psychotic, which indicates a person who suffers from clinical psychosis.  Psychosis is a serious mental illness defined as:

Psychosis: In the general sense, a mental illness that markedly interferes with a person’s capacity to meet life’s everyday demands. In a specific sense, it refers to a thought disorder in which reality testing is grossly impaired.  Symptoms can include seeing, hearing, smelling, or tasting things that are not there; paranoia; and delusional thoughts. Depending on the condition underlying the psychotic symptoms, symptoms may be constant or they may come and go. Psychosis can occur as a result of brain injury or disease, and is seen particularly in schizophrenia and bipolar disorders. Psychotic symptoms can occur as a result of drug use, but this is not true psychosis. Diagnosis is by observation and interview.  (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5110)

So using my above example, a person who sends you roses every day for a week with notes saying such things as “had a great time last night baby” even though you didn’t see them or perhaps don’t even know them; then they quite possibly are truly “psycho”.

Stalker indicates a person who stalks, yes, actually STALKS another.

What it feels like to be "stalked"

Stalking:    Stalking is conservatively defined as “a course of conduct directed at a specific person that involves repeated (two or more occasions) visual or physical proximity, nonconsensual communication, or verbal, written, or implied threats, or a combination thereof, that would cause a reasonable person fear” (Tjaden and Thoennes,1998).  (http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/nij/topics/crime/stalking/welcome.htm)

 It is a legal term, not a general adjective to describe a person who inadvertently butt-dialed you twice in one day…or hell, even twice in 5 minutes for that matter!  Stalking is a serious crime.  General or randomly repeated unwanted attention from a person you’re not interested in dating is not stalking.  To fit the true sense of stalking, it must provoke a genuine and rational fear for one’s safety or to a lesser degree, perhaps make a person feel somewhat inhibited in conducting their normal day-to-day activities.  For example: I can’t go into that grocery store because a guy a went on one date with four years ago will believe I’m going in there to see him…and then send me a dozen roses every day for the following week, with attached notes saying things such as, had a great time with you in the grocery store yesterday…so glad you came by to see me… even though you ignored the guy completely.

Having worked in social work for so long, I’ve dealt with many cases of genuinely “crazy” people, people mentally ill and diagnosed with “psychosis” and a few, but rare, cases of actual “stalking”.

These are NOT adjectives to throw around in an attempt to describe your ex who called you crying because he/she was devastated that you ended the relationship.  They do not imply directly or otherwise to another person (at least not a rational, sane person) how “terrific” and “wanted” you are because someone went crazy-psycho-stalker on you. Guys:  EVERY ex you broke up with or whatever  is NOT “stalking” you…I promise!!  When you say that, you sound like a self-absorbed, drama king!   These are not terms to throw around in attempt to make others think you have an exciting life; to create drama where there really is none, because you’re bored with yourself or your life in general and the last major “happening” in your life was a solo drive through an Iowa corn field.  These phrases simply do not serve to make you appear irresistably attractive to the opposite sex.  They actually make you seem  melodramatic and of below-average intelligence.  Using these phrases and descriptions  in no way, implies that you’re such a sexual stud or much wanted Romeo that no girl can ever (or has ever) get over you or accept that you choose not to be in their life. No.  When I hear this (as I so often do..sigh)It actually causes me to wonder what the hell you did to that poor girl to make her get so “crazy”?  Hell, you must have been stalking her or something to get that kind of reaction!

Maybe I find the fact that these terms have become so common and so overly used obnoxious because I’ve dealt with the real thing, not some amplified, fabricated version to add some spice and excitement to a story or phrases used to try to impress on people how special and undeniably attractive and wanted you are to the opposite sex.

I’m so tired of hearing about people’s crazy-psycho ex’s or their stalkers.  Seriously, if this is true in even half of the accounts when I hear someone use these terms, then this is a far scarier world than any of us can even imagine. 

C'mon...let's learn some "big people" words!

No.  Get out your dusty old dictionary if you must, but please find some appropriate adjectives and verbs to describe your ex…..your last bad date…your annoying neighbor….whoever!  Overzealous, vehement, intense, volatile, moody, temperamental are a few fun examples.  Or just look up “unrequited” if it was merely a case of them being way more into you than you were them.

So really, unless you’re under the age of, say, twelve, let’s start using our big people words…or invest in a pocket dictionary to more adequately describe your ex’s or that horrible date you just didn’t really get “in to”… 

Overly dramatic disclaimer:  Unless of course, your life was threatened, you were physically kidnapped and held hostage, or Fluffy -your beloved pet rabbit- was boiled…then by all means, use crazy-psycho-stalker to your heart’s content!fatal attraction bunny Pictures, Images and Photos

..but seriously, if it was done with a stuffed animal, as a joke…now that’s just funny as hell!

19 responses to “Crazy-psycho-stalker…blah, blah, blah

  1. Yay! So I can still use it 🙂

    • hehe…yes I suppose…but just because I steal-n-sniff your underwear on Mondays Miki…does NOT really mean I’m crazy-stalking you…does it? Geesh…I gotta have a little fun now and then!!

  2. I agree – those words get thrown around too easily. Thanks for visiting my blog – I wouldn’t even label my “I’m pregnant… not really!” ex-girlfriend as a psycho, just someone with some issues to work through at the time!

    • Hmm….I dunno Matt…you’re right.. she can’t be officially diagnosed or anything…but…even I’d have to agree *that* one is a little scary, at best. Issues? Definitely! “Crazy”? Ummm…maybe…

  3. Reminds me of this joke:

    What’s the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

    It’s flirting if the guy is hot.

  4. You said it sister! One of my biggest pet peeves is guys that say their ex’s are “crazy”. When a guy says that, it’s a HUGE red flag to me, and I pretty much run the other way unless there are restraining orders and the woman was really psychotic. I take accountability for the men I’ve driven to do stupid things, that liked me too much, that made me uncomfortable. I’ve also grown up enough now that I will no longer do that to a guy. If he likes me and I’m not into him and he doesn’t take a subtle hint, I’ll flat out tell him.

    I do stand by my ex that stole a spare key, had it copied, and then broke into my house while I was sleeping Idk how many times, a true stalker. I still to this day don’t know his motivation, if he was working up the nerve to kill me or hurt me or just sniffing undies and weird stuff like that. Took me 2 years after catching him and changing my locks to stop seeing him following me and he lived 30 minutes away, so it wasn’t like he was “accidentally” running into me in my town. Dude was really crazy.

    Weird thing started happening again though last week, and again this week, I’ve come home to my bedroom lights on, like overhead lights… I have never forgotten to turn them off, so either I’m just that out of it or someone is coming in my house. My neighbor has my key, but she’s a little old lady and she wouldn’t come in, she’s had it YEARS and never come in, much less gone in my bedroom upstairs. I can’t imagine who else it could be, at least I know it’s not stalker boy… unless there is a new one. o_O

  5. OMG….woman! U aren’t going to believe this….my ex bf used to come in my house in the middle of the night too..and stand over my bed watching me till I would wake up…but I never filed charges or called 911 even so I was just as “crazy” as he…thus, I do not *ever* run around telling ppl he was crazy or stalking me…I know I’M part of the reason it kept happening, so I don’t get to say that…
    You, on the other hand, took action and therefore, I feel you’re totally entitled to use these phrases and they apply too!

    OMG….that’s scary girl…I’m going to pray it’s not a new one, but just sudden forgetfulness instead…I forget things all the time these days….and you’ve had an awful lot on your mind lately, so hopefully that’s all it is♥♥

  6. Call me old fashioned, but the only cure for staking is… Marriage!! haha – As the old joke goes… how do you stop her from staking you (yes woman stalk too you know!)… marry her !!! – Another great post, and really enjoy reading your stuff.

  7. Oh, forgot to mention, stalking is indeed a serious issue, and should never be taken likely. In my ‘day job’ I spend at least two days a week attending court obtaining restraining orders. Advice to the wise… if there is any hint of stalking or unwanted attention DO NOT ignore it. Not trying to freak you out, but it is very easy to resolve no matter how traumatic people think it may be… No court will stand for that sh*t, so do not let it intimidate you!

  8. In the state I’m in AND the one I’m from Jeremy, you can not get a restraining order on someone unless they have physically assaulted you (recorded incident), or have threatened AND you have lived together. Threatening someone you have never lived with is a joke and not under consideration for stalking laws or restraining orders.
    Example; before moving I drove a younger guy to “stalker” status. I had him literally dragged off my front lawn by police for trespassing, attempted breaking and entering, and resisting arrest. He threatened me in front of police as he was carried away, the law did nothing to protect me except send police patrols by my house a few times a day until I moved because we had never lived together and he had never assaulted me either, despite trying to assault me and being arrested for it. He was charged with trespassing, and told not to be with in 100 ft. of my property, so he sat across the street at the bus stop ALL day, then took the last bus home. The day I moved I was glad he had no car, I drove off and he wasn’t able to follow me.

    Great legal system we have here.

    • I’ am sorry for your troubles, and all I can say is that sh*t really stinks! – I lived in Fla for seven years and the same applied until they ammended the law back in 2003. Maybe in time they will ammend the law in your state too… Great blog by the way (yours I mean) !

  9. So glad you wrote this post. When I first became single, every single guy I talked with had this urge to tell me about their crazy exes. I felt lucky, like I was getting a glimpse into this world I’d never seen. I would NEVER be like these girls, I thought. But the more I’m out there, I’m realizing that almost every guy thinks that almost every girl he’s been with is crazy! That’s impossible, statistically impossible that there are that many crazy girls out there (and oddly enough, all these guys are supposedly perfectly normal – yeah right!!). And the more I hear them tell me these stories, all I can think is: Great. Odds are we aren’t going to work out in the long run (I mean, you don’t marry and live happily ever after with everyone you date). So what is your story about me going to be? I’m not a fan of being your next crazy girl story. Keep those to yourself. And maybe look in the mirror a bit before you start casting those stones.

    Sorry for the rant!! Your post got me all riled up…

  10. im dreaming , triping …..tiping yes

  11. Jeremy Lebor’s day job is pathological liar and fantasist. And I should know – I worked with him. He is NOT a lawyer of any description despite his claims to the contrary. He understands restraining orders because he has had a number served on him!!

    • wow… gosh, thanks for the info….I guess..?! Umm…question for you Alan… If Jeremy (whom I do not know except for the blog here) is a stalker and whatnot as you claim, how did you find him here on my blog from a comment he made years ago on my blog? Just doesn’t seem to me that that would be too easy to find him through this avenue without some pretty heavy searching….

  12. Jeremy – a compulsive liar, fantasist and wannabee lawyer. Beware, he’s left a trail of destruction is his wake.

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