What goes up…

image via Clker.com

And here is the downside of it all…  I’m certainly not perfect (as any who read this blog I’m sure have already figured out).  Although, I do know and am very confident that in any dating situation, I bring a lot of positive, great stuff to the table… 

I’m considered attractive by most, I’m a pretty good sport in life in general, my intelligence is higher than the average bear, I have a broad and terrific sense of humor, am genuine and honest, and have an innately vibrant energy…all good stuff!

I’m pondering today though…..

I received an email this morning which says, “Thank God…another smoker!”  Umm….what??  Because I’m very honest, I have admitted that I occasionally smoke.  Eeeeek…..I’m so over the whole smoking thing…however, I have not fully conquered the nasty disgusting habit…ughhh…and YUK:-(

I was tempted to be less than honest about this nasty downside because I hope to kick it to the curb fully and hopefully sooner than later… 

Then I get this email today and I realize my honesty will most likely draw smokers to me and push non-smokers away.  In addition, I can sincerely say that my odds of quitting totally, while dating a smoker, are less than optimistic.  So naturally it’s not all that appealing to me to date a smoker…and especially not one who has responded to my “occasional smoker” admission with “YAYYYY…you smoke!!”

On the flip side, were I to deny this habit, then I’d feel like a liar if I got an overwhelming and undeniable urge on a date with an avid non-smoker to sneak off and have a quick little yukky puff (which just recently happened to me with Mr. Favorite)…  Thus, until I’m confident I’ve conquered this fully, I must be honest that there might indeed be moments here and there when I’m not effectively fighting this battle of niocotine addiction. 

This leaves me in a quandary of sorts.  I really would prefer not to date a smoker…and yet, I currently would need someone at least mildly sympathetic to my struggle with nicotine and willing to accept the possibility of an occasional relapse…and that’s most likely only going to come from a smoker.  I certainly wouldn’t expect a non-smoker to kiss me after smoking though…eww..yukk!  And I like kissing, so that does take a bit of the fun out…and yet it also would provide a fabulous motivation for me to NOT indulge in these occasional relapses as well…  Hmmmm….

UPDATE:  M texted me on his way home from work last night asking me to come for a swim, but this week is not looking conducive to a spotaneous evening swim, so I had to decline.

…And I must confess, I giggle a little inside knowing that he must wait for his swimsuit “pic” when I’ve already shared one in virtual public here on my blog.  Ummm…is it proof that my inner bitch is growing bigger and stronger that I get a degree of  delight from knowing that little contradiction and blatant display of favoritism?

3 responses to “What goes up…

  1. I can totally sympathize with your plight. I smoked anywhere from a pack a day to 10 a day for 20 years. I quit last year on my birthday in May. I stayed quit for a whole year, I think I smoked like 4 times during that year, and only 1/2 a cig. while at a bar drunk with smoking friends. I used the prescription Chantix. It worked like a charm, smoking tasted BAD, and by bad, I mean I wanted to puke at the smell and taste, even though I’d try to smoke because of the habit and addiction. After 6 weeks of not smoking, the addiction was broken and I quit the pills. It was nice, I saved a lot of money.

    Then….dun dun dun… along came Mr. NY, who smoked. Then the week after meeting him, I started the diet pills. The same day I started the diet pills I bought a pack of smokes and finished them. I think had I not started these diet pills, I could have resisted smoking, I did with friends who smoked around me, with me in the car.

    Brown is a nonsmoker, it makes him sick, he hates when I smoke. He hated it more when he was not as into me. I had to carry very strong mints and wash my hands, spray perfume. I tried to explain to him, he doesn’t get it though, even with the promise that when I finish these diet pills I’ll go on chantix and quit again for good. Oh well. My point, Chantix works, and the dreams are groovy! If you really wanted to quit.

  2. I did Chantix for 3 days and I had life-threatening adverse reactions! I was so bummed bc lots of ppl I know who smoke more and for longer than I quit easily on it…and completely…they don’t even seem to have the urge for one anymore..it’s amazing!! You’re lucky you can tolerate it and that it works for you too!!
    I know what you mean about some things making you crave one…any kind of stimluating thing (ex: Red Bull..and I LOVE Redbull!!) makes me irresistably crave a smoke…ughh…I just typically avoid those things as much as possible to make to easier to stay away from wanting one..but I’m hoping that goes away eventually … with enough effort!

  3. well that stinks! it was really awesome for me other than the gas, lol. My tummy constantly hurt with that stuff, so did one of my friends, but it’s worth it to quit. The dreams were the best part, I kinda missed them when I stopped taking it. Alcohol gets me every time, coffee too sometimes, but I did learn to drink coffee with out it.

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