Mr. Squarepants…..I presume…..

Let’s just say I am more of a just checking out the scenery type of fish…you know, the kind that finds more joy in the meandering about the pond and having a little looksy. I like to look, flirt, throw about a compliment or two and definitely get noticed, of course! However, when it comes to actually takin’ the bait, I kinda just flounder around and play dead-hope that they give up and move on. Yep that’s me, the reel ’em in and throw ’em back kinda girl….it’s fun and it requires no real hard work on my part and absolutely no commitment with little to no awkwardness. So, imagine my surprise, when with a TON of nudging from other female fish friendlies, I dared be a fish out of water and jump back into the dating scene after six and half years of no dating:

Lucky (?) bachelor number 1 was a not so bad looking guy who was built like my two son’s favorite little sponge! 6’2” and eyes of blue, built like a big, sqare sponge with two scrawny legs attached.  Other than that, not so bad really.

We had exchanged e-mails a few times -obviously we met on a dating site, and then a few phone calls. We soon found out that he was a good friend with a cousin that I barely know, but hey, if they liked him he can’t be all that bad…right? Eventually, we agreed to meet at a place close to my home and that he had frequented in the past. It was a quaint little hole in the wall and I was looking fine as hell, but scared all the same. I walked in like I owned the place and because it was a local joint, frequented therefore by locals, every Tom, Dick, & Jane grew quiet as I entered and stared me down as I tried to hold my confidence during my long walk to the bar where the bartender was approximately 12 years old and dared to card me!

Realize quickly with some back and forth with the bartender, that Mr. Squarepants (of course, I do not know this quite yet) was already in, but then walked back out and may be waiting outside for me. So, I go outside.  Of course, now he has the advantage because he knows there is a good chance that if a lone girl walks out the door she is looking for him and I have NO CLUE what he is driving or what he really looks like, because of his lousy mini profile pics from the site. So, I walk out of the door, sexiest look I can muster, shoulders back, boobs out, gut sucked in…and instantly, I have some morons brights in my face from across the parking lot. Just a few seconds later, the engine of the big truck cuts, a giant square wearing a hot leather jacket and two scrawny legs steps down and saunters across the lot with a bit of a John Wayne likeness to him. I kinda liked that part. I also liked the part where the look of relief and the big smile all played out over his face as he drew nearer to me. He grabbed me up like a real cowboy and hugged me like I was a grizzly bear….it was physically uncomfortable (as in somewhat painful), emotionally awkward (I do  not like to be touched by strangers and I AM NOT A HUGGER!), but….I kinda liked it.?!

Went in, I had one drink. He had four! It had been about 45 minutes and we decided to hit another local place that I had not been before, but that exuded a bit more class atmosphere….

Second place. Loving it! See some familiar faces, starting to have that “everybody know’s your name” comfortable feeling and therefore, he suddenly is becomming a bit more interesting. Well, that didn’t last long, the more he drank (alot), the less he talked and when I realized he had taken up 2 hours of my time and only asked me 3 questions about myself and then somehow staring at the wall had become more interesting, I told him that I was on my way out. He looked at me with a bit of a surprised look and I am sure I saw a glimpse of “this is bullshit” behind his eyes. I told him it was nice meeting him. Thank you for the drinks and the tour to which he replied, “I can’t read you. First your hot, then your cold….”. Uh, Mr., I do not know where the hot part came into play, but let me assure you here and now, I have been pretty much, more or less, cold and/or freezing (!!!!) since you shined me with your headlights in the backwoods parking lot of Redneck Central as if I was one of the deer you had slaughtered in your profile pics!!!! Did I say exactly that? Of course not. What I did say was, “I am sorry if you mistook me for being hot at some point”. Which, according to my girlfriends, is apparently just as bad as the ass-chewing I had given him in my head. I don’t concur, however.

Nevertheless, he walked me out to my car and just when I thought I had perhaps been too hard on this man who had a bit of chivalry about him, he grabbed me, spoke the words, “I want a kiss”  and went in for the kill. Well, this all happened very quickly and at the last millisecond I turned my head, he caught the corner of my mouth, let me go and sauntered away quickly. No words. No look back. Just the tiniest bit of a squeak-squeak, squeak-squeak-I could have swore I heard (those of you who have children who are endeared to this square yellow guy know of the squeak to which I speak) as he rushed to his car and sped out of the parking lot. Couple weeks later, a lone e-mail reading: “I had a great time! I hope you did too. Can’t wait to get together again soon.” To which I did not reply.

Truth is, this guy had given me a few reasons to suspect that he was all about getting the booty before the night was through. For instance, when getting ready to leave bar 1, he asked me to let him follow me home and then I could ride with him, though I had already explained to him previously then and during an earlier phone conversation that both places were within 4 miles of my home. He seemed at that point a bit annoyed when I declined with sane reasoning. As we went on to the next place, there was a moment when I had to stand up from my stool and move over very close to him to get out of the way of a waitress as I was scrunched into the wait area because the bar was so congested and he understood that to be me trying to warm up to him and took it upon himself to put his hand in the small of my back and slide it down to my ass in a not so well-planned ” Oops! didn’t mean to touch your ass moment”. At that time, for all my girls that say I am a bit too harsh sometimes, I let that go. And look where that got me…………

**Date 1. Scene 1. Blog 1 by Pau!**

2 responses to “Mr. Squarepants…..I presume…..

  1. First dates can be so interesting, can’t they??? Blogging is such a release from all of those dates!

  2. Ka says: OMG Pau!! Squish, squish, squeak….lmao:) I was totally going with th John Wayne thing…until I pictured him like Spongebob dressed up like John Wayne…. GAWD!!

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