Swimming without trunks

He sends me a clever little ice breaker message about a fun local band. We send a few emails back and forth, then a few texts, then a couple of phone calls. A few little warning flags went up during our first phone conversation, as in tiny little fluttering parade-sized flags, barely flapping in the wind. Not entirely sure if they appear tiny because the parade is so far away from me at this point or if they actually are those little “not to worry” club sandwich sized flags? At the least, he seems harmless and at the most, he seems interesting enough to get to know better…
First date set. I’m mildly intrigued about the guy and very interested in getting out and about for my first time since moving to Vegas!
I meet him at a nearby casino on Saturday night. He was right: the band/show really is a blast! He seems pretty cool too…having a nice time overall. I’m a little reserved and quiet though. Nervous? Maybe a tad, but not really..more like I just need a few Red Bulls and vodka to muster up the energy to actually get “into” this date. I’ve always been of the 3-drinks-and-everyone -is –my-new-best-friend variety, so I make friends with this couple standing (room-only) near our table, dancing around like my could-be newest and most fun Vegas friends. I invite them to sit with us…the more the merrier!
My new BFF, April, asks how we met…. We tell her “online” and this is our first date. Although I expect some gasping and shocked looks, thankfully, no one expresses any kind of surprise at all. On ladies room joint visit #3 or 4, April even decides to open up to me and tells me a little of her own online-dating experiences. No, she didn’t meet her husband like that, but she did meet a couple of interesting characters online.
She tells me about one guy from online she dated a few times with whom she had become physically intimate. Apparently dude has a sexual fetish of only wanting to “finish” on her face. Nope, wasn’t a one-time thing it seems. Not an “oh my God I’m so turned on by you, I wanna get KINKY!” thing…nope! Seems the guy was not at all interested in any sort of sexual intercourse or fun shenanigans…not even prior to his finish. He just wanted to run the race all on his own, get to the finish line… and finish on her face. Hmmmm…. I’m not sure what to think of this so I just show what I think amounts to the appropriate looks and sounds of shock and disgust (not that I had to really fake this), coupled of course with some pertinent questions about the experience. I gotta know more… I mean, I’ve never even thought of this possibility! What are the warning signs of this? How can I see this guy coming from a mile away please?
On a scale of 1-10, my enjoyment level of my date up to this point was hovering somewhere between a 4 and 6. However, I return to my date from bathroom trip #3 or 4 with a deep appreciation(unbeknownst to him) of his newly elevated status of at least he’s not the finish on your face guy.

We wrap up the date nicely, dancing with my new BFF and her husband. I’ve had a few drinks and I’m grateful when he offers to drive me home. We arrive to my house and decide to go swimming. No, he doesn’t have his trunks, but no worries… I’m okay with him swimming in his boxers. We swim awhile, make out a little in the pool. Now this to me starts to feel a little like one of those highly overrated soft-porn scenes from a rated-R movie that brings adolescent boys back to see the same movie again and again, but I’m going with it… Hell, at least he’s not you-know-who

After some amateur movie acting, a few more drinks, and some questionably better-than-the-book-I’m-reading conversation, I allow him to stay the night. Not for sexual reasons obviously…
All goes safely and he’s a gentleman for the most part. He even mentions needing to brush his teeth first thing in the morning. Hooray for good dental hygiene!! Bonus points because he quickly tells me he does not intend on asking to use my toothbrush, but has those handy little quick-brush-on-your-fingertip thingies. Okay. Good… Thank God! Although we did swap spit the previous evening, I’m certainly not at all prepared to share my toothbrush with him.
However in the morning, in spite of his admirable respect of oral hygiene and his Boy Scout preparedness, I kinda just want to be alone and quietly enjoy my morning and the down-side is these very things have rendered him able to enact in his next starring role as…The Lingerer….
Or have they? Seriously, pal? Thanks for the evening. I rate it an overall 5. So you’re not doing too terribly bad to this point. Now, when are you gonna go home? Your rating is dropping by the minute here…

One response to “Swimming without trunks

  1. Pingback: Smokin’ (OMG!) HOT hedonists of the selfless variety | …like nailing Jell-O to the wall!

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