Mr. Pushy


I’ve broadened the age limit in my profile by about 10 years in either direction of my age because:
1: I haven’t dated an older man since I was in high school, so I know nothing about those creatures.
2. I’m hearing  a lot lately about how MILF’s are the coolest up-n-coming thing…  
3. And anyway, who am I to age discriminate?

…Get a few messages from a guy about 5 years older than I. His profile looks fun, he looks active, intelligent, and he’s attractive enough to warrant a brief second glance. Okay….let’s see what this guy’s about…

A few rather generic but acceptable, email exchanges and we exchange numbers. We have one nice conversation and then the way more modern (and typically much preferred by me, I might add)texting begins. This continues for a few days… The guy seems pretty cool! I’m considering a real live meet-n-greet….

Until….one morning I’m in the middle of talking to all the fun utilities (electric, gas Internet, water, etc) people…getting everything started and in my name as is necessary when one first moves. I dread this, but it must be done… I’m spending most of my time on hold and answering ridiculously mundane questions and such. While in this process ,which takes almost an hour total (again…ughh…), Mr. Guy sends a few texts. I don’t answer them because I’m in the middle of something, thinking I’ll just text back when it’s all over…

When I’m finished, I read the texts which came in while I was busy and I find that within a matter of 20 minutes of no return text, Mr. Guy has transitioned into Mr. Sarcastically Shitty Rude! Are you kidding me?! He’s bored at the DMV and must think I’m the newly assigned Bored-at-the-DMV Entertainer, as though I owe him texts at all, much less within the boundaries of his time expectations demands. WTF?

Annoying… And the meet-n-greet idea wagon starts to slowly rumble off into the hot desert horizon…

Trying to withhold judgment, I politely explain why I didn’t text back immediately. I mean, maybe he was just overly frustrated with waiting at the DMV…and who hasn’t been at some point? It doesn’t necessarily have to mean he’s a jerk… right?

Issue 2: At my ex’s with the kids, enjoying a little family time with his extended fam. Yes, we all get along well and I’m so delighted and grateful that we do.
Text from Mr. Guy…. I respond telling him I’m spending a little time with my ex in-laws. He immediately responds with, “ How ‘civilized’”. Gawwwddd…. Well… My! My! My! This guy just gets more charming with every interaction.  After I wiped the oozing sarcasm which was dripping bitterly off my phone in order to respond to His Loveliness, I declined to respond at all. It just seemed too inappropriate to warrant an acknowledgement.  Anyway, I was raised that if I had nothing nice to say, the correct thing is to say nothing at all.  And, nothing it was…

So, several factors here are making me question his personality a little at this point. One, he seems a bit like a real jackass self-consumed and even perhaps a bit of a douche-bag self-inflated…. NOT so much what I’m interested in at this point in my life…ughhh…. But I’m still trying to think of the good things and possibilities and refrain from judging him entirely on these.  After all, they’re just texts- the tone of “voice” can be so easily misinterpreted and such…

Issue 3: Mr. Guy texts me last night, wanting to meet for a drink. Umm….I’m not in the mood for that right at the moment so, I say I’ll think about it and get back to him soon…until I realize he means in like, 45 minutes!!! I text him back jokingly (well, sorta joking…) referring to him as Mr. Last-Minute-Invite…and he responds by asking me if I’m “not a spontaneous type girl “. Ummmm…excuse me?  Oh kind, charming, obviously well-bred, and oh-so-considerate dude, let me help you out with a little etiquette lesson:  There is a vast difference between being a “spontaneous-type girl” and responding affirmatively to meeting a guy you’ve never met before at a last-minute invite which came in around 5 pm on a Saturday night. He then texts that he’s “driving and can’t text”, asking if I would call him? I think, “Okay…you bet…sure thing pal…”  Quite honestly though, I’m smack dab in the middle of a fun, flirty, and interesting text exchange with Mr. McHotstuff right at this very same time, so I’m going to finish up my current text and then politely call my pal as he requested and discuss this last-minute invite business… However, before I can even finish typing my current text, I get another text from Mr. OMG-YOU-ARE-SO-FREAKIN-PUSHY-SARCASTIC-AND-OBNOXIOUS-NOW-guy which simply says, “Um..Guess not.”   Huh???!!! Hey Your Rudeness….It’s been (literally) less than 30 freakin’ seconds since you even asked me to call you!  My GAAWD….is this guy for REAL??   It becomes crystal clear to me why this man is single!  Seriously dude, WTF?!    YOU.      ARE.      AN.      IDIOT.

STRIKE THREEEEEEE!!!!!! Another one out. I will never communicate with Mr. Pushy Obnoxiously-Self-Centered-and-Inappropriately-Sarcastic guy again.  I was so pretty much over this whole exchange with you anyway, but  now….No way!  It’s so clear why you are single!

…and another one bites the dust…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s