Monthly Archives: July 2010

Rejected by the Illusionist

Wow….so not sure what to think of this one!

Ummm...I did NOT do *this*!!

Finally got going last night…headed to the place, found it without getting lost (YAY!), and met Mr. PhD.  Yeah, I was about two hours later than I had agreed to meet(you <blush>  know exactly what I was doing), but I did let him know I was going to be later than expected.  He was going with friends anyway, so I don’t feel this was totally rude.    It’s not as if he was sitting alone at a dinner table for two or waiting on a bar stool alone, looking like the proverbial guy who got stood up!

I’m looking all around for him…. A tall (looking about 6’ or maybe taller even in his pictures), dark haired, attractive, professional-looking man.  Finally he finds me…

What??  As he comes toward me, I’m thinking, “Is that him?  (squinting my eyes a little)…Hmmm….objects in sight must appear smaller than they really are” because he was shorter than I.  I’m nearly 5’8” and I’d swear he was 5’7” or maybe a half an inch taller than that, but certainly not “tall” by any standards! 

how did he DO this??!!

Now, he never actually said he was tall or the height I thought.  Those were my guesses assumptions based on his photos and I really have to wonder just how that kind of height-“appearance” was fabricated so well in a photo?!  What kind of lens does his camera have that actually makes someone my height appear over 6 foot?   He must be a magician because that’s a fabulously executed optical illusion he has going on in those pictures!!  I’m not implying that he was dishonest.  He wasn’t.  Okay wait….  I just double-checked his profile and he does, in fact, list his height as 5’10”.   Yup…he was dishonest.  Not that 5’10” is claiming the height I imagined him to be from his pictures, but there’s no way in hell this guy’s even fully hitting 5’8”…  And I’d know this because I know exactly how tall I am and he was my height, at best

I do try not to discriminate on height.  I mean, it is what it is and this isn’t something any of us can dictate for ourselves like big muscles or big hair.  Some of the greatest guys I’ve known were around my height.  However, I am a tall-ish girl.  And while I’ve never been into the pretty boys,  overly-done Ken-types, or even have a huge insistence on a certain level of looks (I really do strongly consider the personality qualities of a person and that factors in BIG on how attractive I find them), I do have a height requirement.  Right or wrong, good or bad, I just do.  It’s probably the only physical appearance-trait which I lean toward being somewhat inflexible.  A guy doesn’t have to be a Greek God of physical perfection to me…  he doesn’t have to have a fantastic physique…he doesn’t have to be considered drop-dead-gorgeous by any standards of the definition. He can carry some extra pounds, be a little skinny, have a big nose, or too-tiny lips, whatever…   He does, however, have to be at least slightly taller than me.  It’s my only physical trait deal-breaker and I’ve just learned to accept that that’s where my teeny bit of possibly shallow side rears its ugly head.

Was this the trick he used?

So, needless to say, I wasn’t overly impressed upon meeting him, as he wasn’t at all what he implied or appeared to be in his pictures, although he was attractive(even in spite of the Affliction shirt he was sporting – uhh….just not my kind of “look” on a guy really).  Anyway, I made it right at the end of the concert (sorry…I was lollygagging and mustering up the desire to go out at all).  He introduced me to his friend and we stood there for the last two songs and made a few little attempts at conversation in spite of the noise.  Not impressive conversationally either, but I was giving him this one since conversation under these circumstances was difficult and would be for anyone.

The three of us start walking out of the concert and it’s pretty quiet among us.  I mentioned that I’d seen a local band a few weeks ago who was really fun, asking him if he’d ever seen them.  He said he had a long time ago and then asked me who I went to that with.  I told the truth:  Iwent with another person from the dating site that I’d met him on.  (Should I have been less than forthright about this?) …And that was pretty much the end of all conversation until as we got to the exit doors, he says he’s parked in the garage and asks where I am parked.  I’m in the lot.  So he says, well I’m going home.  I’m tired… I’ve been up since 7 and worked all day, but I’d like to hang out with you again sometime.

I realize I was quite late, but what the heck is this?  We aren’t even going to sit down somewhere together and chat?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m already pretty certain I’m not interested in dating him, so it’s not about that…  I just can’t imagine bothering with meeting up with someone at all if you’re not going to actually spend even a few minutes chatting one-on-one…  I mean we’re already there, right?

I suppose this guy must have not been at all enthused about my appearance either, as I can honestly say this was the shortest “date” I’ve ever experienced!  And in spite of the fact that I wasn’t really attracted to him “like that”, no one has ever…and I mean ever…dismissed me so quickly and easily, and especially not after I actually made the effort to go and meet the guy!!  Well, my pride was wounded by this.  He asked if I wanted him to walk me to my car…  No, I really am fine on my own…after all, I entered all on my own.  And he went one way and I the other. 

I couldn’t help but feeling I was a total disappointment.  What?  Do I not look like my pictures?  Most people I’ve met like this say almost instantly, “Ahhh you’re even more attractive in person!”  Is this just a line to mask their massive disappointment?  I’ve never questioned this before, but this was a first for me…and really felt awkward!! ..and not in a good way.  I suppose I should just be grateful that he dismissed me so quickly since I wasn’t interested in a dating-thing with him at all, but I still would have taken a few minutes to just kind of get to know him and see if we had any friendship-possibilities!  Was it disappointment in me?  Or was my being two hours late just so rude and totally unacceptable to him even under these “casually meeting up” circumstances?  What????!!

I drove home feeling very lonely, rejected, and wondering all sorts of things…  Of course I have selected pictures to post that I like the best…?  Well, and one just ridiculously stupid picture to openly demonstrate my (truly goofy and nerdy) personality and not necessarily my “most flattering” look…  Did I appear shorter to him in my pictures or something?   And maybe he was equally as disappointed in my height?

Wow…what was this about?

Anyway, so I’m on my way home feeling just crappy and like the whole thing was just a huge waste of time really… and I decide to stop in at a cute little neighborhood bar just down the street from my house to cry in my drink, wallow in my self-questioning…to try to salvage something of my Friday night.  I have never gone to a bar all by myself, so this was an experience in itself! 

Suffice to say, the evening did turn out to be interesting after all…more to come on that…

Mr. Hot PhD…or a good book and a warm bath?

Received a fabulous invite for tonight from Mr. PhD in psychology (ooooohh fascinating!) to meet him at a concert over at a nearby casino by my house.  He’s going with a few friends and invited me yesterday.  It sounded so terrific when he invited me!  I was actually even a little excited to meet him and to go to the concert!

I LOVE the Sexy Intellectual guy.....or do I?

…so now that my daughters have gone with Jack Ass (OMG…sorry….that was rude) their inconsiderate, selfish, boorish, arrogant, douche bag of a father for the evening… (oops…really sorry…geesh…I gotta get it out SOME where!!)…..WHY am I sitting here with a glass of Cab, writing in our blog?

I mean, wasn’t the whole point of this blog to get my sorry ass back into the dating world?  …to force myself to have to get involved in dating and make some kind of effort, even if only just to have something to write about??!! Yes, it was.

So, right at this very moment, I should be tearing through my closet, desperately trying to find the perfect outdoor concert outfit, which is also appropriate “first date” wear as well.  Cute, but not childish or teen-agey, sexy, but not slutty, casual, but not sloppy…something that with lots of effort, appears effortlessly thrown together as if I’ve not a care in the world that I’m having a first date, first face-to-face meeting ever with Mr. Handsome PhD guy…

Right now I’m feeling the dating-intrigue- fatigue similar to  one of my favorite movie quotes: 

 

Dorothy, give me strength...

“I’ve had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath”.

(Dorothy Boyd in Jerry Maguire)

So…….Why am I not?  After Mr Pushy (text only), Mr. Lingerer (2 dates(one date too many and 5 gazillion texts), Mr. Sorry but You Could Be My Father (One lovely date and several requests for another thus far), and Mr Favorite (I-hope-like-hell-you’re-not-a-total-freak/text only) have I already lost my appetite for this kind of slow destruction?  Have I seriously already exhausted myself of this excitement-to-futility-in-one-date intrigue?  Already??!!!!  OMG….if so, then I not only just plain SUCK, but I am a disgrace to the Ka!Pau! race(errr…blog) as well!!

This is an ideal first-date activity invite, from a guy who looks handsome in his pictures, is appropriately aged in my age group; who is intelligent and well educated, capable of interesting conversation, and shares a similar taste as I in music.   WTF is my problem??  Like I’ve anything on earth better to do tonight!

Pau!….ARE YOU OUT THERE???   

I wish you were here to kick my ass into gear…to sit here while I tear through my closet and we laugh till we cry about the million terrible,(but hysterically funny to us),  things that might happen or be said…

…to look at the goody two shoes outfit I’ll pick out, giggle right in my face, and then force me into something just a teensy bit sexier…

…and then shove me out the door and say, Have fun….I won’t wait up!

…I KNOW!  I need Red Bull….  Red Bull gives you wings, right?    Yaayyyy…off for a few Red Bulls…

Desperation, Will Rogers…

 

C'MON dude....I hardly know you...

Feeling guilty about the lingerer.  After our first date, which lasted far longer than it should have, he wanted to cook me dinner.    He has roommates, so he asked to cook it at my house.  I’ll be honest, my feelings and thoughts about Mr. L are ambivalent at best, so yes, it was in a moment of loneliness,  missing my friends back home, and I’ve nothing better to do anyway, that I agreed to this dinner.

I made excuses from the start not to kiss him.  I didn’t want to lead him on in my indecision and felt far too ambivalent to pretend to be into the romantic side of this.  He’s a pretty good cook and it was a nice dinner.  I just wasn’t “in” to it at all though.  After dinner he watched a movie, I slept through it, and woke as the movie credits were rolling.  Kept hinting at how tired I was, but “thank for the great dinner”…  Yeah, it’s only about 11 pm at this point, but in spite of my subtle hints, of course, he lingers.

Finally, he just comes out with it.  “Could I stay?  Just to be close to you… Hold you?”  Really dude, no!

I insisted he leave and he was actually understanding or, more complacent I think is a better description.  He’s been texting and calling daily.  Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don’t…sometimes I feel guilty and reply hours after the contact attempt, with a very minimal interaction…the least I can respond with and not feel I’m blatantly being rude or mean.

Last night was a rough night in my household.  This is a huge transition for us all and I’ll just come right out and confess my ex-husband is being a total jackass idiot on several levels.  Smack DAB in the middle of dealing with my oldest daughter sobbing (which she typically does NOT do – ever) about her dad’s idiot action from 5 minutes earlier, Mr. Lingerer calls.  I’ve not taken his calls all week…so I feel this is the prime opportunity to take the call (see??  I’m not totally rude and inconsiderate!) and just say(and honestly too), Hey, I’m in  the middle of a family crisis right now…I’ll try to call you later.

Okay says Mr. Lingerer…  no problem.

He waits awhile…then he texts.  The texts start out as concerned-checking-to-see-if-all-is-well  and then they quickly escalate to trying to figure out what’s going on with “us” texts!!!  WTF??!!  NOW????  ARE YOU KIDDIN ME?!  All week I’ve been pretty much blowing you off and now,  after I tell you I’m right in the middle of dealing with family issues, you want all the answers about “us”?

L:  is everything ok?

K(just trying to be considerate and respond with something): Umm…I dunno…I guess yeah…sorry

(as in, “sorry”, I just have other things to do right now than text you about this or ANY thing else pal)

L: Sorry?

K:  I dunno…whatever    (as in politely saying, OMFG, I can’t text you right now…GET IT?!)

L: ??????

L (9 minutes after his last text): are you ambivalent about me or is there something going on with your family that’s causing u some anxiety? Either way, I can back off a bit.  Whatever u want.

(I don’t respond..I actually AM in the middle of a crap-load of family crisis…..I can’t have this conversation NOW…OMG..and anyway I didn’t even read this..wasn’t by my phone throughout this thing)

L (24 minutes later…Dude!!!  SERIOUSLY WTF?):  I guess that’s an answer in and of itself.

K(after I’ve just read both messages… an hour later):  My phone was charging n I’m kinda dealing w/some stuff 2nite.   L……can u pls cut me some slack on the heavy subject 2nite?  PLEASE?

L:  I wasn’t being dramatic n I know u have more pressing matters . Sometimes u just need space. I can relate. But u do take awhile to respond sometimes.    (really?  You weren’t?  you  relate?  So WTF then?)

Few more back n forth texts about how he “understands” I have things going on and family always comes first, etc, etc, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH….

The mere fact thatc you KEEP TEXTING and expect a timely response demonstrates CLEARLY that you in fact, do NOT understand, you desperate-acting simpleton!  I am not dating to reassure men, to be a slave to my incoming text messages, or to have smoke blown up my ass.  You’re clearly and desperately too, saying the “right things” here merely to say them…you aren’t acting on them even as you’re saying them

In my 20’s, I was still innocent and full of patience and compassion enough to hear this cry of attention for what it was, and take the time, energy,  and “Mother Theresa” consideration to put everything on hold in the middle of my own “stuff” , just to be considerate of your feelings and needs.  I hate to admit it, but I just don’t have this anymore.  Not the desire to do it, nor the amount of selfless consideration it requires.  If this makes me a bitch (and I do fear that it sorta does), then it was all the men over the years who have sucked me dry of this who have created this I-wanna-be-more selfish-and-bitchy side of me.   …Maybe if we were in a relationship for awhile and you were actually going through something tough of your own, then I might consider dropping what I need to handle at that moment and reassure, coddle, and be considerate of you first…  Under those circumstances, I just might dig deep to find this for a man still.   However, we’ve had two dates…TWO!

And although I was leaning in this direction anyway prior to this episode of inconsiderate desperation, I can now say with confidence and good reason, there will not be a third date.  NO way pal!

Any thoughts on this one? Anyone?

Just arrived today  (names changed for privacy and respect purposes, of course) from an early 50’s, attractive man with a “graduate degree” and many pictures of dogs included on his profile page:

Not his actual picture of course...but you get the idea:)

 Hi…..Pardon the interruption but I was wondering if you might be interested in volunteering for a very worthy cause(**). Initially it involves a very small amount of time. It is for animals, dogs. I’m quite serious about this and not using it as a way to meet unsuspecting women.

It will take some time but I’m looking to sign up 100 women called Goddesses who in turn will sign up 20 “Angels” which will donate $5.00 each. This will happen simultaneously with the proceeds going to build a nice little shelter called (Canine FARM) which will be an amazing upgrade for these beautiful little guys. I have 22 of them now. Need better conditions.

That will just be the beginning but will make all the difference in the world.

Thank you for any consideration. Would like the opportunity to write you back and tell you the details and why I’m choosing this organized approach.

The fact that you are beautiful is one of the reasons I’m writing to you. I want each Goddess to be just that, and also a potential spokesperson for a cause that is fantastic.

Thanks for your time.

(Mr. Dog Lover)

** I did list on my page that I like to volunteer to worthy causes**

Any thoughts?

Freaks and favorites

So Mr. Favorite-So-Far finally bumped into a doubt…  After much delightful texting throughout the day yesterday, we spoke on the phone for awhile.  This was our 3rd or 4th actual phone conversation.  It went well.  I truly enjoy this man’s personality and perspective on various things!  Yayyyy Mr. Favorite!

too much thinking..not enough...?A few hours after our conversation, the texting continues….  And here is where the first “issue” occurred.    He asks me if I have any pictures to send from my phone.  I find this curious, as the guy has seen four photos from my profile on the dating site and has also been added as a FB friend, where he has access to so many pictures, in fact far more than I’d like to share with a potential date, as I’ve not sorted through those and picked only my favorites to share.  There’s the not-so-flattering pictures, the OMG I’m an unbelievable dork pictures, and the plain “Whoaa..is that even ME?!” pictures… ALL right there available to him at his leisure to stroll through, admire, criticize, laugh, whatever…

So, the request for a photo from my phone…  And this IS his 2nd request for this, but the first was the reason I added him to my FB…a lack of pictures on my phone to send him, although I did send the very few I had after his first request. So, I, in my over -analytical, tryin-to-be-more-suspicious-and-less-trusting place, grow “curiouser and curiouser” ! Just what is  he looking for here?

My initial thought is that he’s terribly concerned as to whether I’m attractive or not, in spite of all the photos he’s already seen.  My pictures aren’t old or fuzzy or far away, so maybe his opinion of my looks is on the fence and he just can’t decide if he does or does not consider me attractive?  2nd thought:  After several stories of online dating and texting pictures horrors I’ve heard recently, I start to wonder if he’s subtly trying to see if I’ll send some private-type pictures?  He doesn’t seem that type really, but how does one ever really know, for sure right?  Seriously, after hearing about finish on your face guy (refer to “Swimming without trunks”), I’m prepared to tuck aside my usual naïveté and face the possibility of all kinds of WTF…

So, thinking these two possibilities, I jokingly mention that I’m less than attractive and a bit on the chubby side.   He’s already seen my pictures so I can say whatever…  And it IS all in the eye of the beholder.  He just says, “Ahh, you’re not cute and you’re chubby???!  Awesome!”  Conversation is dwindling and I’m still trying to figure what this is about in a desire to be pro-active against any freaks, at least any freaks who wouldn’t be compatible with my specific-freakish nature and/or comfort levels.  So I say, maybe I’m a little boring and you were hoping for something a bit racier?  If so, sorry to disappoint, but I try to keep the conversation on safe topics until I get to know someone better.

And he responds:  “No I was driving so they were short texts.  No disappointment. Quit trying to read me through texts.  Bad idea.”

Whoaaaaaaaaaaa….. that SMACKED!  I’m positive my face turned beet red while I read this… Umm…..GOSH…… 

I reply:  “Sorry napoleon (reference to earlier joke…and my meager attempt to lighten this back up). I was kinda teasing you… but point well taken.”

Yeah, I was busted.  I know trying to “read into” anything a guy  says or does is nearly always a very bad idea.  I’ve learned that first hand all on my own from past dating experiences and relationships.  And yes, I admit I was guilty of that….but really,  I was more like fishing around to try to figure out why he needed/wanted  more pictures…

Okay, yes…and trying to weed out the possibility that he was some kind of freak expecting naked pictures or something.  Something I’m uncomfortable with and totally unprepared to do.

Was I out of line here?  I sure felt stupid at getting called out on my amateur psycho-analysis of the deeper meaning behind his seemingly odd request.  It’s tough to try to be “smart” about seeing possible red flags, while simultaneously trying to stay open and give someone the benefit of the doubt.   Overall, I’m a fairly trusting and somewhat naïve girl by nature and that’s really not a super safe nature to have within the realm of dating even, much less online dating!

Anyway, all is well with Mr. Favorite.  That was that and now we’ve moved on to right back where we were with light, fun, and not-analyzed texts.

Mr. Squarepants…..I presume…..

Let’s just say I am more of a just checking out the scenery type of fish…you know, the kind that finds more joy in the meandering about the pond and having a little looksy. I like to look, flirt, throw about a compliment or two and definitely get noticed, of course! However, when it comes to actually takin’ the bait, I kinda just flounder around and play dead-hope that they give up and move on. Yep that’s me, the reel ’em in and throw ’em back kinda girl….it’s fun and it requires no real hard work on my part and absolutely no commitment with little to no awkwardness. So, imagine my surprise, when with a TON of nudging from other female fish friendlies, I dared be a fish out of water and jump back into the dating scene after six and half years of no dating:

Lucky (?) bachelor number 1 was a not so bad looking guy who was built like my two son’s favorite little sponge! 6’2” and eyes of blue, built like a big, sqare sponge with two scrawny legs attached.  Other than that, not so bad really.

We had exchanged e-mails a few times -obviously we met on a dating site, and then a few phone calls. We soon found out that he was a good friend with a cousin that I barely know, but hey, if they liked him he can’t be all that bad…right? Eventually, we agreed to meet at a place close to my home and that he had frequented in the past. It was a quaint little hole in the wall and I was looking fine as hell, but scared all the same. I walked in like I owned the place and because it was a local joint, frequented therefore by locals, every Tom, Dick, & Jane grew quiet as I entered and stared me down as I tried to hold my confidence during my long walk to the bar where the bartender was approximately 12 years old and dared to card me!

Realize quickly with some back and forth with the bartender, that Mr. Squarepants (of course, I do not know this quite yet) was already in, but then walked back out and may be waiting outside for me. So, I go outside.  Of course, now he has the advantage because he knows there is a good chance that if a lone girl walks out the door she is looking for him and I have NO CLUE what he is driving or what he really looks like, because of his lousy mini profile pics from the site. So, I walk out of the door, sexiest look I can muster, shoulders back, boobs out, gut sucked in…and instantly, I have some morons brights in my face from across the parking lot. Just a few seconds later, the engine of the big truck cuts, a giant square wearing a hot leather jacket and two scrawny legs steps down and saunters across the lot with a bit of a John Wayne likeness to him. I kinda liked that part. I also liked the part where the look of relief and the big smile all played out over his face as he drew nearer to me. He grabbed me up like a real cowboy and hugged me like I was a grizzly bear….it was physically uncomfortable (as in somewhat painful), emotionally awkward (I do  not like to be touched by strangers and I AM NOT A HUGGER!), but….I kinda liked it.?!

Went in, I had one drink. He had four! It had been about 45 minutes and we decided to hit another local place that I had not been before, but that exuded a bit more class atmosphere….

Second place. Loving it! See some familiar faces, starting to have that “everybody know’s your name” comfortable feeling and therefore, he suddenly is becomming a bit more interesting. Well, that didn’t last long, the more he drank (alot), the less he talked and when I realized he had taken up 2 hours of my time and only asked me 3 questions about myself and then somehow staring at the wall had become more interesting, I told him that I was on my way out. He looked at me with a bit of a surprised look and I am sure I saw a glimpse of “this is bullshit” behind his eyes. I told him it was nice meeting him. Thank you for the drinks and the tour to which he replied, “I can’t read you. First your hot, then your cold….”. Uh, Mr., I do not know where the hot part came into play, but let me assure you here and now, I have been pretty much, more or less, cold and/or freezing (!!!!) since you shined me with your headlights in the backwoods parking lot of Redneck Central as if I was one of the deer you had slaughtered in your profile pics!!!! Did I say exactly that? Of course not. What I did say was, “I am sorry if you mistook me for being hot at some point”. Which, according to my girlfriends, is apparently just as bad as the ass-chewing I had given him in my head. I don’t concur, however.

Nevertheless, he walked me out to my car and just when I thought I had perhaps been too hard on this man who had a bit of chivalry about him, he grabbed me, spoke the words, “I want a kiss”  and went in for the kill. Well, this all happened very quickly and at the last millisecond I turned my head, he caught the corner of my mouth, let me go and sauntered away quickly. No words. No look back. Just the tiniest bit of a squeak-squeak, squeak-squeak-I could have swore I heard (those of you who have children who are endeared to this square yellow guy know of the squeak to which I speak) as he rushed to his car and sped out of the parking lot. Couple weeks later, a lone e-mail reading: “I had a great time! I hope you did too. Can’t wait to get together again soon.” To which I did not reply.

Truth is, this guy had given me a few reasons to suspect that he was all about getting the booty before the night was through. For instance, when getting ready to leave bar 1, he asked me to let him follow me home and then I could ride with him, though I had already explained to him previously then and during an earlier phone conversation that both places were within 4 miles of my home. He seemed at that point a bit annoyed when I declined with sane reasoning. As we went on to the next place, there was a moment when I had to stand up from my stool and move over very close to him to get out of the way of a waitress as I was scrunched into the wait area because the bar was so congested and he understood that to be me trying to warm up to him and took it upon himself to put his hand in the small of my back and slide it down to my ass in a not so well-planned ” Oops! didn’t mean to touch your ass moment”. At that time, for all my girls that say I am a bit too harsh sometimes, I let that go. And look where that got me…………

**Date 1. Scene 1. Blog 1 by Pau!**

More cheese…PLEASE?!!

Texting for the past few weeks with my most favorite guy so far from the site.  Haven’t met him in person yet though, so I just don’t know….  However, this guy’s pictures are adorable.  I was originally struck by his likeness to the actor who played Alicia Silverstone’s step-brother in Clueless…

Oh please, please, PLEASE...more cheese?!!

whom I’ve had a little crush on ever since I first saw that movie.  He’s only a year younger than I(bonus!), has a good job,  and his texts really make me laugh.  Here’s a play-by-play of the most recent one from this morning.  (My personal remarks which were NOT texted are in italics):

M: Good morning. So ru seeing someone now?

K:I’ve been on a few 1st dates from the site, but no I’m not.  Why?  What made u think that?  Ru seeing someone now?  I hope not!!  (yeah, I ventured out a little bit with this one!  Not sure if that was too “telling”?)

M: Nope nobody haven’t even met anyone (Phew…thank Gawd…because he hasn’t even met me either!!  This is really good to hear!)

K:  Ahhh good (4 ME @least!  Hehe:)) I’m mostly on there trying to make friends  in this area (yes, this is true) but I really do like what I know so far about u and ur personality (GAWWDD…look at me just hang myself out there….wtf is wrong with me??!!  Thank God my texts make it impossible to put the little “Do you like me?  Yes or No boxes!!)

M: Really huh?  LOL

K: Yes.  Was that a bad thing to admit?  I never claimed to be good @ the whole playin-it-cool-dating thing…lol

M: No its not a bad thing 2admit

K: Ok:)   What’s up w/ u 2day? How’d u sleep? How’s ur pinky toe? What color r ur socks? Why’d u think I was seeing some1 anyway? Was it my FB? Yes, this IS an informal investigation BTW…

M: Class. Good.  Neglected.  White.  Hunch. Yes.

(A period of time elapses here  after this one…I didn’t respond.)

M: Sooo tired and bored

K: Hmmm…wanna play tic-tac-pinky-toe? Haha..j/k…hey, u could always write that inspirational poem about cheese I’ve been begging u for…

M: I wanna play something

K:  Hmmm…no poem then I take it?   Well, FINE:(  Wanna play Scrabble w/me on FB then?

M: Oh cheesy cheese….how I love thee like my knees…Good on salads and chili dogs too…from blue, cheddar, and even fomunda I’m told…Cheese oh cheesy cheese…please never go away oh pretty please…

K  (LOL-ing literally): O my stars!!!! Now I just adore u!! shhhhh don’t tell any1 tho!  That. Was. Unbelievably. Awesome.  !! U sooo rock!

M: I know lol I’m a true poet

K:  u R!!  what ru trying 2do 2me here?!  Better  keep those skillz on the DL pal..Girls dig guys w/skillz u know…

M:  yeah I have computer hacking skills, numchuck skills…

I know this is all incredibly CHEESY (what can I say??  I’m a TOTAL nerd on the inside.  No, really, I am!)….hahah..no “cheese” pun intended..but  this is like the FIFTH  time this guy has caught me off guard and  surprised me by sending  a text which made me laugh so hard that some sort of beverage came ungracefully spewing from my nose.    I am a sucker for a man who can make me laugh…and particularly so when it seems to require such little effort on his part.

Hmm….I probably was a little too “forth right” here in implying directly to him that he is my favorite, but I really don’t play the dating game well (at all, really…) and my STARS…if this guy turns out to be attractive as well….  Uhhhh…ohhhhh… Spaghetti-O’s….

Yup…this one is my absolute favorite by FAR so far….   Wonder if we’ll ever actually meet?  …Wonder if he’s as cute in person?  Ahhhh..who cares…I’m SO smiling right now:-)

Bring on the tequila, Eddie!

New email (yes..copied and pasted because I just could not help maahhself…with only a name change):

Woman, I have seen and been in thousands of photo’s. I do not know if I have ever seen a more seamless transition from person to paper. You transcend , beauty, Vibrance , splashed with a bit of goofy effortlessly. Beautiful. You are a smile and laugh waiting to happen. So rare… I have to have a shot of cabo Wabo Tequila with you..

Smashing. Simply smashing.

Peace,

“Eddie” (as in the EddieVan Halen looking-type) 

…….WHOAAAAA…..EDDIE!!  …that was so simple and yet so umm..hmmmm…..so yummy that if I read it aloud, I can almost taste the sweet and sassy on my tongue….   Yup, I was right.  It tastes a like a watermelon Jolly Rancher…. verrryyyy SASSY!

Rocker-like guys aren’t typically my “thing”….I confess, I’m absurdly attracted to nerds; intellectual types with lots of education who look like they were the president of the science club in high school.  I don’t know why this is…it just is.  I never was attracted to those long-wild-haired Bon Jovi-80’s rocker guys.  In fact, when my friends were going crazy about Motley Crue and Guns n Roses looking guys, I was crushing hard every minute on a guy in the Marines: buzz cut, wholesome, boy next door, etc…  I just never had the attraction to that bad-boy-rocker-type, even in its height of popularity…

But Eddie…well, WOW….I might have to have a tequila experience with this one…and I don’t drink tequila….but the ability  to write words like this literally begs me to give rockers and tequila at least one chance….maybe just one time….

Bring on the tequila, Eddie!

DAD….Stop that!

 

If I date older and younger men, does that make me a cougar kitten?

Went (spontaneously too, I might add…haha Mr. SOB!) on my first date with the only older  (20 years older…WOW!) man I’ve seen on the site so far that interested me…

His emails were great!  Well spoken, probably far more active athletically than I even, intelligent, and seemingly very stable.  He was looking pretty  handsome in his pictures too.  So I went to meet him at a great little place in town called the Blue Martini.

Loved the Blue Martini….terrific little 2nd story bar/restaurant, where we sat on the balcony during sunset (nice!! ), sipped the most delicious martinis, ate lobster tacos and seared Ahi tuna, and chatted up a storm!  What a great guy!!  He’s as Irish as the day is long and Lord loves an Irishman…enjoys many of the same passions as I (theatre, sociology, reading), has impeccable manners, and still respects a  woman’s strength!  Ahhhhh…perfection!

Hmmm…..or not?  I have to admit, he looked just a little older in person than in his pictures….  Not much…not older as in, Umm…Were those pictures taken during the Great Depression?, but definitely a bit older for sure.  This didn’t bother me so much really, as he was so delightfully interesting and well-mannered,  and still attractive in that older-man kinda way…  Didn’t bother me at all…

Until the kissing.  I did not mind (much) that he took my hand almost instantly upon our meeting and seemed bound and intent upon keeping it.  That wasn’t too bad.  I’m an affectionately expressive kind of girl… I even  still like holding hands with my dad too.   My dad doesn’t usually try to hold my hand through dinner though, but that’s okay…

Towards the end of our time together, he said he couldn’t wait to take his online profile “off the market”, asked could I, would I be his girl, and then he tossed in a few smooches.  Hmm…..

I can’t pretend that a handsome guy who chooses to kiss me in public is undesirable.  I don’t mean a tongue down my throat, I’m going to throw you down right here and now on the table kiss, no….(although, YES, there is a time and occasion when that’s appropriate publicly  freakin’ HOT too but this wasn’t one of those)  but a nice smooch which demonstrates some affection, respect, and physical interest is terrific.  Call me a PDA girl if you want, but I like those!

Only I didn’t really like it this time.   I didn’t hate it…I just didn’t like it in the way I want to like it when a man kisses me in the beginning.  I love that kiss a man gives you which is brief, but sweet, and clearly shows attraction….the kiss that leaves you imagining and anticipating the next level of kissing – the one that makes your heart flutter, you knees weak, and prompts fantastic visions of him needing (not wanting) desperately to throw you down right there and have his way with you that very instant…

I didn’t feel this though or even sense the possibility of feeling that anticipation in any next kisses from him either.   No… Instead, I felt a little like I do when I kiss my dad:   Awww…you’re the sweetest, most lovely man on earth…and there’s a leeee-tle smoochy-smooch for ya to show you just how much I mean that!

Also, and I really hate confessing this…  I did not appreciate the way people glanced at us…especially the side-glances after the few little smooches he tossed on me.  It was as though people near us were subtly watching and wondering.  … And then he kissed me and the kiss lingered just a few moments beyond what would be appropriate for kisses from my dad.  I would swear suddenly those wondering glances turned into “AHA….it IS one of those creepy May/December romances going on over there…”

Second shameful confession:  When a hot early-30’s-late-20’s-something guy casually glanced our way, I was tempted to  jump quickly back from his kiss and say loudly, “DAD!!….YUK!….What are you doing?!”

Yeah… I really did think that….(looking down at the floor here in shame) so, maybe a May/December romance really isn’t quite my thing after all! 

It’s a real shame though…I do wish he was about 10 years younger…

Update: Colonel Mustard called for you

Aka Mr. SOB (Sarcastic, obnoxious, bully) texts this morning in a lovely little:

 last day for the lake…wanna come with?

Awww…how precious!  Not even a hint of sarcasm or his obnoxious nature.  And yet, somehow, it just still feels pushy!!  Last day??  Really?  Who says?  Do the lakes in Nevada close for the season in late July?  Has the alarm sounded and I didn’t even hear it?  Like milk, does his boat and/or invite have an expiration date?  What he obviously is unable to comprehend is that he has passed his expiration date and is way too sour and stinky in my mind now for me to even comprehend of enjoying much anything about him.  Ewwww…

Now I wonder…  Would I have perceived this as “pushy” were it not for all the other shoves, sarcastic jabs, and purely obnoxious ME FIRST! ME FIRST! behaviors?  I think not, but ahhhh..you poor SOB guy…now the mere thought of you leaves a sour taste on my tongue and you poor, poor creature, you just have  no clue.   Hey Dude…Professor Plum called, he said to GET A CLUE!

Considered writing him an email “delicately” explaining why his text behavior has been offensive and  why I therefore feel relatively certain without even ever meeting him in person that we just won’t be a good match.  I don’t think he has earned that much consideration or effort, but the humane, soft-hearted girl in me almost wants to offer him a consolation prize wrapped up in “Here’s a clue for you, pal!”  However, his character seems one that would most likely be angry and defensive to this kind of thing, as opposed to seeing it as the eye-opening (ok..ok…and hopefully humbling!!) gift it would be intended as.

Nahh..I’ll just take the safe, albeit inhumane, path and ignore him.  Why should I stick my neck out there to offfer him a leg-up with his dating/communication technique?  I’m sure as hell not going to date him!  Anyway, the majority of men I’ve known who aren’t even “SOB’s” don’t respond well to constructive criticism, I simply can’t imagine how this guy would take to it!